We like to think that things can be changed. That we are in control somehow.  That's why “never” hurts, because never means that it can’t be changed. “Never” means it’s over. It’s gone. And that’s really hard to bear. 

Change and the unchangeable

<ul><li>Sadness occurs when something feels bad. </li><li>Depression occurs when something feels meaningless. </li></ul>When something feels bad, at least it has meaning. In depression, everything becomes a big blank void.

Depression vs. sadness 

<ul><li>We generate meaning through relationships. And meaning is the fuel of our minds. </li><li>Our relationships also define our understanding of ourselves. And when one of these relationships is destroyed, that part of our identity is destroyed along with it. </li></ul>

Meaning and relationships

<ul><li>Understand that our memories lie to us and convince us that everything was awesome in the past.</li><li>Surround yourself with people who love and appreciate you for who you are.</li><li>Invest in your relationship with yourself and do whatever you want.</li></ul>

Getting better at accepting loss

<ul><li>The healthy response to loss is to slowly construct new relationships and bring new meaning into one’s life.</li><li>The unhealthy response to loss is to refuse to accept it. It’s to cling to the past and desperately try to recover it or relive it in some way. </li></ul>

2 ways we react to loss

<ul><li>A toxic relationship: people are emotionally dependent on each other -  they use drama and use each other for the approval and respect they are unable to give themselves.</li><li>A healthy relationship: people are emotionally interdependent with each other -  they approve of and respect each other because they approve of and respect themselves.</li></ul>

Toxic vs. healthy relationships

And then it does. A night that you only get to experience maybe a couple times in your life, if you're lucky. And with that realization, to my surprise, I began to experience a faint sort of sadness. I grieved over a tiny loss of myself-that cocky, self-assured 27-year-old who walked into that restaurant having no idea what lay before him.

2 ways we react to loss

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