When we carry a baggage of self-hatred around with us (that operates outside of our awareness) we'll constantly seek confirmation from the outside world that we really are the worthless people we consider us to be.
This process starts in our childhood, when someone close to us left us feeling dirty and guilty. As a result, we are traveling through society and living our lives assuming the worst.

How a negative self-image impacts our life

Motives are crucial, but sadly we are very bad at perceiving and interpreting the motives that happened to be involved in the events that most frustrate us.
We usually feel that other adults have something against us, that all the actions they are taking and that frustrate us have the intention to cause us distress, to take advantage of us.

Our broken perception of the people around us

One of the most important techniques to calm down is having the power to hold on, even in demanding and hard situations, to a distinction between what someone does and what they meant to do.

The power to hold on

Part of the reason for our pattern of imagining negative plots and thinking that all people want is to cause us harm is the psychological phenomenon called self-hatred.
The less we like ourselves, the more we appear in our own eyes as possible targets for disrespect and harm.

Why we jump to dark conclusions

We would be much calmer around adults if we could act around them in the way we naturally act around children.
Small kids sometimes behave in really annoying ways, but we rarely feel personally wounded by their behavior, because we don't assign a negative intention to the way they act (quite the opposite, we find the most benevolent interpretations).

Treating the adults around us as children

He developed a formula for calming himself and his pupils down in the face of irritating people.
He said to never see people as evil; just try to identify what is driving a person to behave in negative ways. It is a calming thought to imagine that they’re suffering in a way we can’t see. Being mature means learning to imagine this area of pain even if you don't have enough evidence about it.

Emile-Auguste Chartier's formula for calming down

Remaining calm around people who annoy us is one of the great life skills. It’s also a teachable and learnable skill. For gifts and more from The School of Life, visit our online shop: https://goo.gl/GQxE7p Cv6fh9 Watch more films on RELATIONSHIPS in our playlist: http://bit.ly/29khQuM FURTHER READING "One of the most fundamental paths to calm is the power to hold on, even in very challenging situations, to a distinction between what someone does – and what they meant to do....." You can read more about this an other topics on our blog TheBookofLife.org: http://bit.ly/29fu4oE SOCIAL MEDIA Feel free to follow us at the links below: Cv6fh9 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theschooloflifelondon/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheSchoolOfLife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theschooloflifelondon/ SHOP If you like our films, take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide): http://bit.ly/29KLMNT CREDITS Produced in collaboration with Rachel Sale http://www.rachelsaleillustration.com/ #TheSchoolOfLife

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

Remaining calm around people who annoy us is one of the great life skills. It’s also a teachable and learnable skill. For gifts and more from The School of Life, visit our online shop:  https://goo.gl/GQxE7p 

Cv6fh9

Watch more films on RELATIONSHIPS in our playlist:
http://bit.ly/29khQuM


FURTHER READING

"One of the most fundamental paths to calm is the power to hold on, even in very challenging situations, to a distinction between what someone does – and what they meant to do....."

You can read more about this an other topics on our blog TheBookofLife.org:  

http://bit.ly/29fu4oE


SOCIAL MEDIA

Feel free to follow us at the links below:

Cv6fh9

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theschooloflifelondon/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheSchoolOfLife 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theschooloflifelondon/


SHOP

If you like our films, take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide): 
http://bit.ly/29KLMNT 


CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with Rachel Sale
http://www.rachelsaleillustration.com/ #TheSchoolOfLife

We're interested in self-understanding, calm and emotional maturity.

We have thousands of articles about emotional life for you on our website: www.theschooloflife.com

We offer online psychotherapy: www.theschooloflife.com/therapy

We publish one film a week, on Wednesdays at 14.00hrs GMT.