How to Remain Calm With People - Deepstash
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The power to hold on

The power to hold on

One of the most important techniques to calm down is having the power to hold on, even in demanding and hard situations, to a distinction between what someone does and what they meant to do.

950

10.3K reads

Why we jump to dark conclusions

Part of the reason for our pattern of imagining negative plots and thinking that all people want is to cause us harm is the psychological phenomenon called self-hatred.

The less we like ourselves, the more we appear in our own eyes as possible targets for disrespect and harm.

1.1K

7.89K reads

How a negative self-image impacts our life

When we carry a baggage of self-hatred around with us (that operates outside of our awareness) we'll constantly seek confirmation from the outside world that we really are the worthless people we consider us to be.

This process starts in our childhood, when someone close to us left us feeling dirty and guilty. As a result, we are traveling through society and living our lives assuming the worst.

984

6.26K reads

Treating the adults around us as children

We would be much calmer around adults if we could act around them in the way we naturally act around children.

Small kids sometimes behave in really annoying ways, but we rarely feel personally wounded by their behavior, because we don't assign a negative intention to the way they act (quite the opposite, we find the most benevolent interpretations).

970

6.07K reads

Our broken perception of the people around us

Motives are crucial, but sadly we are very bad at perceiving and interpreting the motives that happened to be involved in the events that most frustrate us.

We usually feel that other adults have something against us, that all the actions they are taking and that frustrate us have the intention to cause us distress, to take advantage of us.

886

5.24K reads

Emile-Auguste Chartier's formula for calming down

Emile-Auguste Chartier's formula for calming down

He developed a formula for calming himself and his pupils down in the face of irritating people.

He said to never see people as evil; just try to identify what is driving a person to behave in negative ways. It is a calming thought to imagine that theyโ€™re suffering in a way we canโ€™t see. Being mature means learning to imagine this area of pain even if you don't have enough evidence about it.

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6.52K reads

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graham_k

A little bit of narcissism never killed anybody, or has it?

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