Good therapists are trained to look beneath the appearance of a behavior and find the function that behavior serves.
For example: You see your 16-year-old son struggling to open a can of pasta sauce, so you suggest he tap the edges of the top with a knife to loosen it up. Out of nowhere, he blows up at you: Criticizing you for always being in his business and storming out of the room, slamming the door behind him. A bit bewildered and more than a little hurt, you chalk it up to hormones and hope the whole thing blows over sooner than later.
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Enabling may accidentally happen when you are trying to help, but after an extended period, you realise that you are really helping.
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