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4 Simple and Effective Strategies to Handle Difficult People at Work
Develop Your Self-awareness
- Learn to manage your own emotions.
- Practice noticing your feelings, thoughts, and behavior--your triggers. Document things as they come up.
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Key Ideas
Develop Your Self-awareness
- Learn to manage your own emotions.
- Practice noticing your feelings, thoughts, and behavior--your triggers. Document things as they come up.
Be Assertive and Set Boundaries
An assertive person takes full responsibility for herself and her actions.
- Seek self-control, be fair and reasonable, take on the part of the problem that belongs to you, and keep the rest of the problem where it belongs--with the difficult person.
- Set limits and stand up for yourself so others won't take advantage.
- Use "I" statements, not "you" statements (these tend to lead to attack and blame).
Listen
- Give the difficult person a chance to finish without interrupting.
- Ask clarifying questions if confused, and use paraphrasing and mirroring to check the accuracy of hearing.
- Acknowledge the other person's feelings. So, if the other person is angry, say, "You must be feeling very frustrated..."
Give Feedback
- Maintain comfortable eye contact.
- Remain open-minded.
- Pay attention to non-verbal signals as a way of reading the person's feeling state.
- Use an "I" statement of feeling. Ex: "I feel like this decision violates our trust."
- Request what you'd like to happen differently the next time. If you want things to change, you'll probably need to provide a little guidance.
- Focus on the difficult person's behavior and never make it about the person.
- Feedback should always be focused on win-win.
- Get agreement about a plan of action, and commitment on both your parts to follow through.
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Handle difficult people
Difficult people defy logic. They create unnecessary complexity, strife and worst of all stress.
90 % of top performers are skilled at managing their emotions in times of stress in ord...
Set limits
People often feel pressure to listen to complainers because they don’t want to be seen as callous or rude.
Avoid this by setting limits and distancing yourself when necessary. Ask complainers how they intend to fix the problem. They will either quiet down or redirect the conversation in a productive direction.
Rise above
Difficult people drive you crazy because their behavior is so irrational.
Distance yourself from them emotionally and approach your interactions like they’re a science project (or you’re their shrink). You don’t need to respond to the emotional chaos -- only the facts.
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Don’t try to fix the difficult person
Accept them exactly as they are.
Accept that they are unable to change, at least at this point in time. Unless you see real change — proof that this person is making an effort&nb...
Be present and direct
Try to avoid getting into a fight-or-flight response, which inevitably leads to becoming defensive.
- Be direct and assertive when you express yourself.
- Stay focused on how you respond.
- Know when the discussion or argument has accelerated to the point of no return. If it gets to this point, stop the interaction, and leave the conversation.
Encourage difficult people to express themselves
Let them fully state their point of view about the issue/conflict/problem without interruption. What do they feel people misunderstand about them? What do they want or expect from others?
The idea is to remain as neutral as possible. Just listening may be enough to allow someone to feel like they have the opportunity to say what’s on their mind.
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Assertive communication
It empowers you to draw necessary boundaries with people that will allow you to get your needs met in relationships without alienating others and without letting resentment and anger creep i...
Be factual, not judgmental
... especially when it comes to things you don't like.
When approaching someone about the behavior you’d like to see changed, stick to factual descriptions of what they’ve done that has upset you, rather than using negative labels or words that convey judgment.
Be accurate and avoid exaggerations
Being factual about what you don't like in someone's behavior (without overdramatizing) is an important start.
The same should be done in describing the effects of their behavior. Don’t exaggerate, label or judge; just describe.
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