We get to know the world and its challenges through a unique, personal experience, which nobody else can see, so nobody has a direct view of what’s easy or hard in the experience of others. We piece together what’s “normal” by observing how others, on the whole, seem to be doing at the same challenges.

When we struggle with something that most people don’t seem to struggle with, we start to think there's something wrong with us. And we tend to live in ways that avoid making our struggles obvious: we avoid the situations in which we feel like we don’t fit and that prevents us from ever learning ...