The level of intimacy in a couple is usually inversely corelated with sexual desire:

• Intimacy increases the amount of care for one another. But great sex requires egoism.
• In a close couple, the distance between the two shrinks. Distance is a prerequisit...

... are mental activities that generate desire. They can be fuzzy or very descriptive.

Most of them are hidden as are not very adequate: aggressiveness, power, revenge, gelosy are the impulses driving most people fantasies. They are complex psichological creation with simbolic not l...

Equality assumes that women and men have to behave the same in bedroom.

But sex is a power-game, where some want to dominate or be dominated. That's normal, even as it goes against our current western political sensibilities.

Spontaneity is not a requirement for good sex. And most of our memories about spontaneous interactions were actually pretty well plenned.

Planning is the antidote. Planning creates anticipation and should not be seen as a task. It should be a game, where imagination takes over. Some ideas:

Intimacy and passion are a paradoxical relationship one needs to accept. You can not have them both at the same time.

You can have them at separate times. It's like flux and reflux. Keeping them in an equilibrium is the challenge and the opportunity of a couple.