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Predictable relationship -> Lousy sex
Passion requires uncertainty. It thrives on mystery. A stable relationship, however, is based on predictability. This is the core conflict modern couples need to resolve.
This is a relatively new phenomenon, as it is only recently that marriage came with the expectation of eroticism, the institution having been an economic contract for millennia.
1.27K
22.8K reads
More intimacy, less sex
The level of intimacy in a couple is usually inversely correlated with sexual desire:
- Intimacy increases the amount of care for one another, but great sex requires egoism.
- In a close couple, the distance between the two shrinks. However, distance is a prerequisite for desire. We need a private physical, emotional, and intellectual space.
- Autonomy diminishes, but we tend to love independence.
Love is to be had, while desire is to be wanted. Love is comfort, while desire thrives on the unknown.
1.41K
18.3K reads
Sex is politically incorrect
Equality assumes that women and men have to behave the same in the bedroom.
However, sex is a power game, where some want to dominate or be dominated. That's normal, even though it goes against our current Western political sensibilities.
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16.5K reads
The equilibrium of a relationship
Intimacy and passion have a paradoxical relationship that one needs to accept. You cannot have them both at the same time.
You can, however, experience them at separate times. It's like the ebb and flow of tides. Maintaining a balance between them is the challenge and opportunity for a couple.
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14.1K reads
Porn works because it's selfish
There is no one to judge you when you are watching porn. There is a sense of psychological safety that comes from this private act, which can be inhibited by a loving, intimate relationship.
1.08K
14.6K reads
Sexual fantasies
... are mental activities that generate desire. They can be vague or very descriptive.
Most of them are hidden because they are not considered very appropriate: aggressiveness, power, revenge, and jealousy are the impulses driving most people's fantasies. These are complex psychological creations with symbolic, not literal, meanings.
1.01K
12.7K reads
The Spontaneity Myth
Spontaneity is not a requirement for good sex. In fact, many of our memories about spontaneous interactions were actually quite well planned.
Planning is the antidote. It creates anticipation and should not be seen as a chore. It should be a game, allowing imagination to take over. Here are some ideas:
- Plan romance in the same way you plan the rest of your day.
- Have a dedicated email thread to discuss naughty things with your partner.
- Engage in role play.
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12K reads
IDEAS CURATED BY
Life-long learner. Passionate about leadership, entrepreneurship, philosophy, Buddhism & SF. Founder @deepstash.
Vladimir Oane's ideas are part of this journey:
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