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Predictable relationship -> Lousy sex
Passion requires uncertainty. It thrives on mystery. A stable relationship however is based on predictability. And this is the core conflict modern couples need to resolve.
It is a rather new phenomenon as it's recently that marriage came with the expectation of eroticism. The institution having been an economic contract for millennia.
1.1K
19.2K reads
More intimacy, less sex
The level of intimacy in a couple is usually inversely corelated with sexual desire:
- Intimacy increases the amount of care for one another. But great sex requires egoism.
- In a close couple, the distance between the two shrinks. Distance is a prerequisite for desire. We need a private physical , emotional and intelectual space.
- Autonomy diminishes. But we tend to love independence.
Love is to be had while desire is to be wanted. Love is confort while desire cares about the unknown.
1.19K
15.3K reads
Sex is politically incorrect
Equality assumes that women and men have to behave the same in bedroom.
But sex is a power-game, where some want to dominate or be dominated. That's normal, even as it goes against our current western political sensibilities.
960
13.7K reads
The equilibrium of a relationship
Intimacy and passion are a paradoxical relationship one needs to accept. You can not have them both at the same time.
You can have them at separate times. It's like flux and reflux. Keeping them in an equilibrium is the challenge and the opportunity of a couple.
966
11.7K reads
Porn works because it's selfish
There is no person to judge you when you are watching porn. There is a psychological safety coming from this selfish act that is inhibited by a loving intimate relationship.
932
12.2K reads
Sexual fantasies
... are mental activities that generate desire. They can be fuzzy or very descriptive.
Most of them are hidden as are not very adequate: aggressiveness, power, revenge, gelosy are the impulses driving most people fantasies. They are complex psichological creation with simbolic not literal meaning.
866
10.5K reads
The Spontaneity Myth
Spontaneity is not a requirement for good sex. And most of our memories about spontaneous interactions were actually pretty well plenned.
Planning is the antidote. Planning creates anticipation and should not be seen as a task. It should be a game, where imagination takes over. Some ideas:
- Plan romanticism the same way you plan the rest of the day
- Have an email to discuss naughty things with your partner.
- Role play.
1.02K
10K reads
IDEAS CURATED BY
Life-long learner. Passionate about leadership, entrepreneurship, philosophy, Buddhism & SF. Founder @deepstash.
Vladimir Oane's ideas are part of this journey:
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