Passion requires uncertainty. It thrives on mystery. A stable relationship however is based on predictability. And this is the core conflict modern couples need to resolve.

It is a rather new phenomenon as it's recently that marriage came with the expectation of eroticism. ...

The level of intimacy in a couple is usually inversely corelated with sexual desire:

• Intimacy increases the amount of care for one another. But great sex requires egoism.
• In a close couple, the distance between the two shrinks. Distance is a prerequisit...

Equality assumes that women and men have to behave the same in bedroom.

But sex is a power-game, where some want to dominate or be dominated. That's normal, even as it goes against our current western political sensibilities.

Intimacy and passion are a paradoxical relationship one needs to accept. You can not have them both at the same time.

You can have them at separate times. It's like flux and reflux. Keeping them in an equilibrium is the challenge and the opportunity of a couple.

Spontaneity is not a requirement for good sex. And most of our memories about spontaneous interactions were actually pretty well plenned.

Planning is the antidote. Planning creates anticipation and should not be seen as a task. It should be a game, where imagination takes over. Some ideas: