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What the Receiving Gifts Love Language Means for a Relationship
Chapman’s Five Love Languages
Author Gary Chapman developed the theory that there are five basic ways romantic partners give and receive love.
The five love languages are:
- Physical touch
- Quality time
- Acts of service, such as cooking a meal or cleaning the car.
- Words of affirmation, such as verbal praise, compliments, and expressions of love.
- Gift-giving ranging from small tokens to surprise deliveries.
The majority of us have one or two dominant love languages, but each of us speaks all five languages to some degree. By learning how to 'speak' each other's preferred love language, you're ensuring both of you feel supported and seen.
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Key Ideas
The concept of the 5 love languages
It refers to the idea that we all give and receive love differently. The five languages are:
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
- Receiving gifts
- Quality tim...
Identifying a child’s love language
- It will be helpful for finding little ways to show them extra affection in a personalized way.
- It’s also helpful to know that whatever love language they speak is also the language they are most likely to feel hurt by.
- Even if your child scores high in one or two languages, that doesn’t mean you should ditch the other languages completely.
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Key Ideas
The five love languages
The idea is: we all express and feel love differently, and understanding those differences can seriously help your relationships.
We all show affection in different ways. These “languag...
The five love languages, in a nutshell
- Words of affirmation: Expressing affection through spoken affection, praise or appreciation.
- Acts of service: Actions, rather than words, are used to show and receive love.
- Receiving gifts: Gifting is symbolic of love and affection.
- Quality time: Expressing affection with undivided, undistracted attention.
- Physical touch: It can range from having sex to holding hands. With this love language, the speaker feels affection through physical touch.
Love languages for non-romantic relationships
The concept of love languages helps pretty much any relationship - it’s useful to understand what matters to people.
It all comes down to knowing what’s important to people so you can understand, empathize and work with them a little better.
We all have different life experiences; we come from different backgrounds. It makes sense that we communicate differently, too.
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Key Ideas
Unhealthy gift-giving
Some people are obsessed with giving gifts, even if they can't afford it.
Science says we do this because giving to others genuinely makes people happier.
Overcoming an unhealthy behavior
It is useful to map out the habit loop.
- The trigger: what thoughts or feelings are driving your behaviour?
- The behaviour: What action do you take when you experience that trigger?
- The result: What is the feeling you get after completing that action?
People often think that a behaviour feels good, but when they pay attention while acting out that behaviour, they notice that it actually doesn't. After they notice unhelpful behaviours, it is important to replace the habit with something uplifting.
Gift giving: Equating worth with giving
If you equate love and worth with things and giving, it doesn't mean you have to repeat the pattern. You have the autonomy and agency to decide what feels okay for you.
Love, care, and appreciation can be shown in other ways, such as a phone call or a glass of wine with your partner over dinner. People feel happier when they're making a real connection.