Estranged: Rifts In The Family
Estranged relationships are common in families, with feuds being especially brutal among siblings. There have been stories throughout history, from Cleopatra to Genghis Khan, of the unheard of ruthlessness by which family members with whom there is a clash have been disposed of.
Various modern studies show a sizable percentage of families are fractured, with estranged family members and disputes going on for at least four years. An estimate shows that as much as 20 percent of American adults are in a state of ‘estrangement’ among their family members.
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A simple sorry and an acceptance of your not being able to realize your actions, your prejudice and your own blindspots may help them move towards reconciliation. Do not use any toxic words or actions that can easily backfire.
Often the aggrieved young adult does not want a specific apology about a particular mistake, but is generally aggrieved about their entire childhood, or how their parents related to them. An apology then becomes a first step towards making tangible, impactful change.
Admittedly, many family situations are dangerous and abusive. If a situation in an estranged relationship is not entirely intractable, one can try reconciliation, which can help in healing, growth, exploration and change.
If it's possible, resist the urge to recreate the past and build a new future. Try to find common ground, be in the present moment, and move ahead from there.
While faced with a young adult who has walked away from your life, understand that you may be a problem, and the adult child has to be seen with empathy and understanding.
The formative years are bound to be problematic and it is in the nature of young adults to commit certain mistakes, which becomes a part of their personal growth. There is no need to ridicule them for their mistakes.
Breakups and subsequent renewals are quite common across all types of romantic relationships and even marriages.
Falling apart and then seeking to mend the old relationship seems to be deeply rooted in our psychology.
For centuries, virtually every country in the western world had some sort of king and royal family.
Some people in republics like France or the United States will say that clever people grew out of them. Monarchy lovers will respond that really clever countries kept their monarchies. They argue that royal families embody their country's human roots and identity. Brave kings and queens often become symbols of their nation's unity in times of war or crises.
Many of us have a desire to read. We buy books, but then the demands of work and family catch up with us, and we never get round to reading the books. The Japanese calls it tsundoku.
A US survey found that more than one-third of adults report a desire to read more books. If you're one of these people, even though you love books, reading them is the least important thing in your life. You may do it at the end of the day, or perhaps when you're on holiday.
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