Why We Have Regret

Why We Have Regret

We regret the decisions we make because we think we should have done something better but didn’t.

We regret these decisions, which are in the past and can’t be changed because we compare them to an ideal path that we think we should have taken.

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Self Improvement

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We have a hard time not thinking about a bad choice because of how it conflicts with our self-identity.

Maybe we made a bad choice and this bad choice conflicts with our idea that we’re a good person. So the problem spins around and around, without resolution.

Let go of the ideals, and embrace reality.

  • The choice we made in the past is done, and we can’t change it. Some choices will be great, some won’t be perfect.
  • Making a bad choice isn’t in conflict with our realistic, not fixed self-identity. It’s a part of it.

This is a constant practice, but it helps us not constantly review past choices, but instead find satisfaction in what we’ve done and focus in what we’re doing now.

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Resilience when feeling stressed

It can be tough to feel in control...feel you can manage your emotions and come out of 'all this' in one piece when life shakes us up.

Getting started & building momentum are sometimes the toughest things to do.

And these 2 steps can give us a huge start to getting back to life...build us up to be in a position to take further steps of shifting our thinking patterns and practicing resilience:

  1. We can handle only that much stress at a time. So, identify & remove things that are adding unnecessary stress.
  2. Do things little things that help us feel recharged and settled.


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We Prefer Order And Stability

There’s a big part of us that doesn’t like chaos: we want order and simplicity.

  • When we feel overwhelmed, we might beat ourselves up and try to look for a system to get things under control.
  • When plans don’t go how we hoped they would, we feel like we’re on unsteady ground, and we start criticizing ourselves or feeling like we’re doing things wrong.

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The Edge Of Uncertainty
  • Most people do not like to be in uncertain situations.
  • Instead of an uncomfortable conversation, we would like to let the bad situation be as it is.
  • Instead of doing something challenging and creative, we would rather be obscure.
  • When things overwhelm us, we would like a simple, quiet way to deal with troubling matters.

We need to come towards the edge of uncertainty, the place we don’t like much, but which is full of growth, learning, creating and inventing. It is here when we toil that we find meaning, intimacy, beauty, love and vulnerability.

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