Parentification constitutes a form of "role reversal" in the family when a child is made to take on parental responsibilities.
They may have to, aside from taking care of themselves, be their parents’ confidantes, their siblings’ caretaker, the family mediator, etc. It is a form of boundary violation because the innocent childhood that one is entitled to is robbed away.
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Parentified children are not given the time, care, love, emotional support, or security needed to develop and thrive. They are deprived of the opportunity to learn through observation and guardianship.
If they were to be vulnerable, they are either ignored or sometimes punished. Eventually, they internalize the message that having needs and desires is not acceptable. They become ashamed of their vulnerabilities, and eventually, emotional numbness and self-denial become their second nature.
Parentification can occur in two ways:
Since you had to grow up too early too soon, you might be trained to become hyper-independent. You are incredibly self-reliant that it may feel impossible to be vulnerable or seek help from others.
Being highly self-reliant was your only option in a household with only emotionally vulnerable adults, but it is a strategy that no longer works for you. Challenging yourself to connect with others is the most potent ways to heal.
There are many to recovery for a young adult or adult who has been parentified as a child:
During the holiday season, many people are uncomfortable to spend time with their families due to a history of personal fights or disagreements.
15 % of Americans say that having a family dinner stresses them out because of the resulting arguments.
We come out of our family of origin with a blueprint of how we attach to others. The closer someone is to another person, the greater the likelihood that their attachment style can become challenged, and that the strains will bring out their worst qualities, such as jealousy, anger, and enmeshment, often leading to self-sabotaging behavior.
Many people can re-work how they attach in adulthood and thrive in romantic relationships.
Fear of abandonment can come from childhood loss or neglect as a child, especially if it is more emotional.
Brain development is the process of creating, strengthening, and discarding connections among the neurons. The growth of each region of the brain depends largely on receiving stimulation. By not attending to that stimulation, your body can't function properly.
The remedy to fear of abandonment in your relationship is to work on exercising that "attachment muscle," allowing yourself to become more vulnerable and open with your partner.
❤️ Brainstash Inc.