Many people go in with a pre-recorded message in their heads. They know the point they want to make and assume they know the intent of the other party. They’ve already played it out in their minds.
Other people argue on the defense. There’s something about themselves they don’t want to see or learn. They may even know there’s a kernel of truth to the counterargument, but they don’t want to acknowledge the differing point-of-view.
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Introspection is blind to construction. This does not mean that our introspective guesses are never accurate, just as you might guess the correct answer to a multiple-choice question.
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Show the other party empathy. Validate their concern and give them your full attention.
Above all else, people want to know they are being heard. Every argument is about "Did you see me? Did you hear me?"
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