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Control Your Feelings - Don't Express Them

Feelings are...

  • Responders to perceived reality. They aren’t the reality.
  • Responses to our imagination.
  • Confirmation: Always confirm imagination and perception by investigating reality.
  • Admiration: People admire and respect leaders who control their feelings. Additionally, others feel it’s safe to trust us when we’re stable and predictable.

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Control Your Feelings - Don't Express Them

Control Your Feelings - Don't Express Them

https://leadershipfreak.blog/2011/10/28/control-your-feelings-%E2%80%93-don%E2%80%99t-express-them/

leadershipfreak.blog

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Key Ideas

Emotions are responses to information

Believe wrong information and you’ll experience wrong feelings.

For example, if you think something about a co-worker, don’t trust those feelings and don’t express those feelings.

At best, let those feelings motivate calm, systematic investigation.

Feelings are...

  • Responders to perceived reality. They aren’t the reality.
  • Responses to our imagination.
  • Confirmation: Always confirm imagination and perception by investigating reality.
  • Admiration: People admire and respect leaders who control their feelings. Additionally, others feel it’s safe to trust us when we’re stable and predictable.

SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

2. Mind Your Tone

We tend to respond to people using the same tone they use to speak to us.

If you need to have an emotionally charged conversation, speak in a way that's calm and collected. And ...

3. Mute

Sharing your opinion when others are aggravated can be counterproductive. If things get emotional, and you can’t leave, you may need to stop talking and let them express their feelings.

Breathe deeply and remember that moods are temporary. And that their words at this point may be extreme or exaggerated; resist the urge to respond in kind. Often, once they let everything out, they'll calm down. 

4. Record

Recording is concentrated listening, with the intent to learn more about another's perspective. You're not trying to figure out how to reply; instead, you're listening to understand.

As you tune into another, don't judge or offer advice. Instead, focus on learning more about how the other person sees you, how they see themselves, and how they see the situation.

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Emotions

They are basal responses that begin in the subcortical areas of the brain responsible for producing biochemical reactions to environmental stimuli that have a direct impact on our physical state.&n...

Feelings

Feelings are preceded by emotions and tend to be our reactions to them. Emotions are a more generalized experience across humans, but feelings are more subjective and influenced by our personal experiences and interpretations, thus they are harder to measure.

Negative Emotions

They can be defined as unpleasant or unhappy emotions evoked in individuals to express a negative effect towards something.

Although some are labeled negative, all emotions are normal to the human experience. And it’s important to understand when and why negative emotions might arise, and develop positive behaviors to address them.

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Dealing with your anger

Anger leads us to poor decisions, regrettable behavior, or hurt feelings. However, some anger leads to more significant consequences, like strained relationships or legal trouble.

The key to ...

Anger ≠ aggression

Anger is an emotion, while aggression is a behavior. They differ entirely in one central dimension - control.

  • You can't control your emotions directly. In the legal system, nobody gets sent to prison for how they felt, regardless of how angry they were. They get punished for what they do.
  • You can influence your emotions indirectly by how you think and behave. For example, when you focus on how terrible all the drivers in your town are, your anger will likely increase. But, if you listen to music and think about how grateful you are, your anger will probably subside.

Expressing anger

While you can't control your emotions of anger directly, you have control over your aggression, which is a decision to express your anger.

Aggression does not only involve acts of violence. Being overly-critical or judgmental of someone in your mind is an act of aggression, as is replying sarcastically or rolling your eyes at someone.

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