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Back to School Basics for Parents

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How to communicate effectively with teachers

How to create a supportive learning environment at home

How to manage your child's school schedule and activities

Back to School Basics for Parents

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Few qualities are so important that we'd be willing to sacrifice everything else to achieve them. Maybe it's wiser to help children strike a balance between opposing pairs of qualities, so that they grow up to be self-reliant but also caring, or confident yet still willing to acknowledge their limitations.

ALFIE KOHN

253

2K reads

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The distinction between power-based and love-based discipline is not all there is

Power-based discipline is obviously a bad choice of parenting as it includes physical punishment like hitting or yelling. However, the love-based approach is not necessarily better if it includes love-withdrawal.Β 

Both communicate to children that if they do something we don't like, we'll m...

247

1.31K reads

Consequences of love withdrawal

There isn't a lot amount of scientific research on love withdrawal, but the few studies that exist turned up consistent findings: Children on the reveiving end tend to have lower self-esteem. They display signs of poorer emotional health overall and may even be more apt to engage in delinquent ac...

260

1.21K reads

But unconditional parenting insists that the family ought to be a haven, a refuge, from such transactions. In particular, love from one's parents does not have to be paid for in any sense. It is purely and simply a gift. It is something to which all children are entit...

ALFIE KOHN

257

1.6K reads

Conditional Parenting

Conditional Parenting

We can love our children in different ways. The book looks at one such distinction---between loving kids for what they do and loving them for who they are.

The first is conditional, which means it must be earned by the children through acting in ways we de...

273

1.83K reads

Unconditional parenting

Conditional parenting is mainly rooted in the school of thought known as behaviorism, commonly associated with the late B. F. Skinner. Here, external forces, such as what someone has previously been rewarded or punished for doing, account for how...

255

1.65K reads

If we're not careful, this can become our primary goal. We may find ourselves joining all those people around us who prize docility in children and value short-term obedience above all.

ALFIE KOHN

271

3.91K reads

There's a big difference, after all, between a child who does something because he or she believes it's the right thing to do and one who does it out of a sense of compulsion. Ensuring that children internalize our values isn't the same thing as helping them to develop th...

ALFIE KOHN

271

2.31K reads

I realized that this is what many people in our society seem to want most from children: not that they are caring or creative or curious, but simply that they are well behaved. A "good" child---from infancy to adolesence---is one who isn't too much troub...

ALFIE KOHN

275

2.87K reads

Differences between conditional and unconditional parenting

Conditional parenting:

  • Focus: Behavior (what can be observed from the outside)
  • View of Human Nature: Negative (child will abuse power or behave badly)
  • View of Parental Love: A privilege to be earned (and never to be given freely)
  • Strategies: "Doing to" (Con...

281

1.43K reads

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