You have a need, want, or opinion,... - Deepstash

"You have a need, want, or opinion, and you have every right to express it."

RYAN HOWES

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MORE IDEAS FROM THE ARTICLE

Afraid of confrontation

Fearing confrontation never does anybody good, especially to ourselves.

When we don't advocate for ourselves we will never be able to meet our needs. Surely, avoiding confrontation gives us temporary relief from our anxieties but it will not benefit us in the long run because the problem will keep hanging over our heads.

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  • Before confronting anyone, make sure that you have your feelings in check. Be specific about what you are feeling. Vagueness never does good.
  • List the things that upset you and bother you - from people to emotions, to unmet needs. You'll be able to bring even more clarity to the issue and have something to refer back to when you lose your train of thought.

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When we avoid confronting people or certain situations we can metaphorically think of ourselves as a kettle, where our negative feelings about the situation will bound to seep out regardless of how hard we try to ignore them.

It will show in the form of resentment, hostility, or passive aggression.

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We may associate confrontation with heated arguments and doomed relationships, but confrontation can be quite healthy for the people involved when approached with kindness mixed with assertiveness, can be quiet healthy for people involved.

Start thinking of confrontation as a situation where you can have a radically honest conversation with the other person that could bring you closer or express deep concern and a negotiation where you could both win.

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"Avoidance builds a wall between us and others - if we cannot speak with respectful honesty, we cannot build a close relationship."

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  • Even if the overall outcome isn't what you expected, don't be too hard on yourself and give yourself credit for what you have done right.
  • Acknowledge your good and treat yourself to a little something that indulges you.
  • Learn how to reevaluate how you measure success and failure when it comes to confrontation.

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  • During the confrontation, refrain from attacking the other person's character and keep the focus on your feelings. Confrontation shouldn't be a competition between who's right and wrong.
  • Express what you think and how you feel in a respectful manner. Remember that if you were being accused of something, it doesn't feel good either.
  • Take responsibility for what you have done wrong or could have done better in the situation and work together towards a mutually beneficial solution.

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Does the short-term reward of being relieved really pay off more than the long-term reward of "being done with it"?

A couple of hours of discomfort is a small price to pay for the peace of mind you'll be able to enjoy afterward.

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RELATED IDEAS

Begin from a place of curiosity

Lean into the conversation from a place of curiosity and respect (for yourself and the other person). 

Even when the subject of the conversation is difficult, the interaction can remain mutually supportive. Respect the other person’s point of view, and expect them to respect yours.

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Taking the time to address difficult issues

Difficult conversations at work are inevitable, whether you're a leader addressing a team member's performance or an employee unhappy about a situation with your boss. Remote working adds another layer of difficulty.

Many people would rather leave than talk to their boss. However, if people had taken the time to address the issues, they may have had a different outcome.

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Step #5: Exits

Use bookmarks to end well. Examples:

  • Future Mentions: “Well, I can’t wait to see you at that ___ coming up—I’ll email you!
  • Inside Jokes: “It was great laughing with you. I’ll be sure to ___ in the future ;)
  • Same Same: “I’m so glad I met a fellow ___ fan. You made my night!”
  • You Have to See: “I’ll be sure to send that link your way, great talking to you!”

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