How to Win Friends and Influence People: The Best Summary
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"When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity."
"The only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it."
"If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own."
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It's a powerful technique - it makes you more liked and people more receptive to your requests.
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We are continually subject to manipulation. For instance:
Manipulation is wrong because it involves immoral techniques. It means treating the other as mere objects and not as a rational being.
Influence is manipulative depending on how it is being used.
If the manipulator attempts to get someone to adopt what the manipulator himself regards as wrong, it resembles lying. The liar tries to get you to choose a false belief or to make a mistake in what he thinks, feels, doubts or pays attention to.
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To be effective in organizations today, you must be able to influence people. Your title alone isn’t always enough to sway others, nor do you always have a formal position.
Work on cultivating personal connections with your colleagues, and allow them to get to know you.
You don’t have to be “the greatest person in the room” or make sure “everyone is blown away by your charisma.” You just need to have good rapport with your colleagues. That way, they won’t impute negative intentions or motives to you.
Start by giving them your undivided attention in one-on-one situations. Turn your body toward the other person, freeze in place, and listen.
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Sharing and receiving feedback is necessary for improvement. If you have ideas on how someone can improve, don’t hold your ideas back, share your criticism constructively.
Of course, be sensitive to others’ feelings and offer feedback when you feel the other person is ready to take it. Else, you may come across as imposing your views on others, especially if you repeatedly tell them what to do without them requesting it.
Also known as PIP (Positive-Improvement-Positive), it consists of “sandwiching” a critic between two positive comments in the following manner:
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