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How to Tell If Someone Is Manipulating You-And What to Do | Time
Common Types Manipulators
The two most common types of manipulators are bullies and “victims”.
Bullies make you feel fearful and might use aggression, threats and intimidation to control you, while “victims” engenders a feeling of guilt in their target by acting hurt when denied something.
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Manipulation
... is an emotionally unhealthy psychological strategy used by people who are incapable of asking for what they want and need in a direct way, to control someone or something to their advantage, often without anyone knowing it.
Gaslighting
The term refers to manipulation that gets people to question themselves, their reality, memory or thoughts. Gaslighters twist what you say and make it about them, hijacking the conversation or making you feel like you’ve done something wrong when you haven’t.
Gaslighted people often feel a false sense of guilt or defensiveness, as if they failed completely or did something wrong when they didn’t.
‘Mr. Nice Guy’
This manipulator might be helpful and do a lot of favors for other people, but they have secret expectations and not meeting them makes you out to be ungrateful.
Exploiting the norms and expectations of reciprocity is one of the most common forms of manipulation.
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Manipulation Techniques
- The ‘foot-in-the-door’ technique consists of making a small and reasonable request, which then leads into a larger request. The initial appeal we supposed to make you feel more comfortable and invested in cooperating.
- The ‘door-in-the-face’ technique consists of making a big request, having it rejected, then making a smaller one. Following the larger request, the smaller appeal seems reasonable comparatively.
Four Seconds: The Silent Treatment As Negotiation
Awkward silences have many uses. It can be used to convey power, to exert influence over the other, and to keep the other person in uncertainty. Silence, according...
Our Need For Closure
A psychological study looked into the need for closure of individuals, and how bothered people are when they are faced with disorder, chaos, lack of information and lack of resolution.
It concluded that our personality traits make us crave for closure, with people who like tidiness, orderliness and resolution desiring closure more than the ones who are okay with things being incomplete and messy.
Your Secret Superpower: Silence
- Many CEOs and entrepreneurs know that being comfortable with uncertainty and awkward silence can be a superpower.
- Candidates negotiating for their salary can use this superpower of being silent (and giving out no non-verbal information too) when the initial job offer is doled out to them, as the starting salary initially offered is rarely the higher bracket.
- If one is able to manage the discomfort with ease, silence can be used to great effect without being confrontational.
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Procrastination
Procrastination is not just avoiding or delaying a task.
It also has to include an aspect that’s counterproductive, irrational or unnecessary.
Procrastination triggers
- People procrastinate because of a lack of value [associated with the task];
- because they expect that they’re not going to achieve the value they’re trying to achieve;
- because the value is too far from you in terms of time;
- or because you’re very impulsive as a person.
If timing is the issue
Many people are inherently more productive at certain times of the day.
Work around these natural productivity ebbs and flows when you schedule your days.
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