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5 Main Principles of Small Talk

Small talk

It’s a brief conversation between you and someone you don’t know very well.

Small talk is an essential stage of a casual conversation, especially in English-speaking cultures.

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5 Main Principles of Small Talk

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Key Ideas

How to get better at small talk

Have a genuine interest in getting to know a person you’re talking to and learn from them.
Ask open-ended questions. It encourages the other person you're speaking with to open up.“What do you do?” followed by “Why did you choose that type of work? How did you enter that profession?”
Never talk about something too personal.
Practice active listening. By paying attention to the speaker’s words, you’ll create much stronger connections.

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Why small talk is so excruciating

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This essay was originally published in 2015 and has been lightly updated. I hate small talk. Hate it. And when I say I hate it, what I really mean is I'm abysmal at it. Just a total failure. Here's how I experience small talk.

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Small talk

Not everyone enjoys small talk. It is not that they are not comfortable talking, but one-on-one, small talk remains an issue.

Small talk precedes big talk in the normal course of human af...

Small talk has meaning

Anthropologist Bronisław Malinowski noted in 1923 that a great deal of talk "does not serve any purpose of communicating ideas" but "to establish bonds of personal union." He also said that small talk was merely a way to fill the silence.

He was wrong. Small talk is not just for those seeking companionship. It enacts and reinforces social roles in a whole range of social, commercial, and professional settings.

Speech operates on two levels

Speech communicates information or ideas. It is the semantic content of speech.
On another level, talking is a social behavior. Every speech does something. It reassures, acknowledges, nurtures, enjoins, rejects, dominates, encourages, or just fill an awkward silence.

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Use the FORD Technique to Make Small Talk Easier

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Starting a conversation with a complete stranger can be a little intimidating, and sometimes you don't know what to say. Use the FORD technique the next time you meet someone to avoid those awkward silences.

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The FORD Technique for smooth small talk

The FORD technique is a quick and easy method to avoid awkward silences.

FORD is an acronym that stands for: Family, Occupation, Recreation, Dreams.

Think of a couple questions f...

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How To Deal With 5 Common Awkward Conversational Moments

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But often, the most difficult conversations are moments within our everyday communication. So from introducing yourself to someone new to tripping over your words, we've pinpointed some of the most awkward conversational pratfalls and how to overcome them. Many times, the hardest part of a conversation is starting it.

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The Most Awkward Conversational Pratfalls

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Approaching for the first time someone you don’t know: focus on them, ask about them and approach humbly.
Deciding when to end a conversation: you can end the conversatio...