Our mind’s biggest priority when processing experiences is to interpret them in such a way that they will cohere with all of our previous experiences, feelings, and beliefs - what is known as “the false memory syndrome”.Manson’s Law of Avoidance says that “the more something threatens your identity, the more you will avoid it”. We must consider that we might be wrong, our issues might not be as important as we may believe, and that our thoughts can be just thoughts, without having to accept them.

Identity And How We Process Experiences

Many people are looking for short-term highs over long-term, profound happiness. Many have their lives centered around values such as material success, pleasure, always being right, or always staying positive.These values can be socially destructive, not controllable nor immediate. Better values should be the opposite of that. And since self-improvement is about prioritizing better values, we must strive to make the right choices.

Long-Term Happiness And Personal Values

“The desire for a more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.” says Mark Manson.This is referred to as “the backwards law” by Alan Watts. One must be comfortable with being different, not being indifferent. It’s important not to put too much thought and care into adversity in the face of your own goals.

Accepting Negative Experiences

Being overburdened by incoming problems makes us feel victimized. The feeling that we are choosing our own problems, however, makes us feel empowered.We don’t always control what is happening to us, but we can control how we choose to feel about it.

We Are Always Choosing How To React

Tough as it may sound, one must not be delusional about one’s achievements - entitlement is a failed strategy.There is a general fear of accepting of being average, while our lives are being filled with the extremes of the bell curve of human experience.

You Are Not Special

Humans are the only animals that can conceptualize and think about themselves in an abstract manner. Happiness comes from caring about something greater than yourself.There are two selves - the physical, and the conceptual. We try to keep our conceptual self alive past the death of our physical self - “immortality projects”, as all the meaning in our life is shaped by our innate desire to never truly die.

The Two Selves

The hedonic treadmill - our innate tendency to revert to default levels of happiness despite temporary spikes in happiness - prevents us from being in a constant state of euphoria; in short, we are wired to be dissatisfied. In fact, without pain, we wouldn’t know what joy is, and without sadness, we wouldn’t know what happiness is.We should pick problems that we enjoy solving to reach true happiness; once we know what we are willing to struggle for and what pains we want in our lives, we will be much more motivated to succeed. Our struggles determine our successes.

Happiness Is a Problem

There is a pipeline which we can follow: action leads to inspiration, which leads to motivation.The “do something” principle states that inspiration is seen as a reward, not as a prerequisite, and failure feels unimportant. Doing something can be your only metric of success; in the end, life is about not knowing and then doing something anyway.

The "Do Something" Principle

Humans are the only animals that can conceptualize and think about themselves in an abstract manner. Happiness comes from caring about something greater than yourself. There are two selves - the physical, and the conceptual. We try to keep our conceptual self alive past the death of our physical self - “immortality projects”, as all the meaning in our life is shaped by our innate desire to never truly die.

… And Then You Die

To have an identity of our own, there are things which we must say no to.There are, for example, toxic relationships, victim-saver pairs, which we must learn to reject. Without conflict, there can be no trust, and trust is like a china plate - break it once, you can put it back together with time and care. Break it again, and it becomes a big mess of tiny pieces.

The Importance of Saying No

#1 New York Times Bestseller Over 1 million copies sold In this generation-defining self-help guide, a superstar blogger cuts through the crap to show us how to stop trying to be "positive" all the time so that we can truly become better, happier people. For decades, we’ve been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, rich life. "F**k positivity," Mark Manson says. "Let’s be honest, shit is f**ked and we have to live with it." In his wildly popular Internet blog, Manson doesn’t sugarcoat or equivocate. He tells it like it is—a dose of raw, refreshing, honest truth that is sorely lacking today. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is his antidote to the coddling, let’s-all-feel-good mindset that has infected American society and spoiled a generation, rewarding them with gold medals just for showing up. Manson makes the argument, backed both by academic research and well-timed poop jokes, that improving our lives hinges not on our ability to turn lemons into lemonade, but on learning to stomach lemons better. Human beings are flawed and limited—"not everybody can be extraordinary, there are winners and losers in society, and some of it is not fair or your fault." Manson advises us to get to know our limitations and accept them. Once we embrace our fears, faults, and uncertainties, once we stop running and avoiding and start confronting painful truths, we can begin to find the courage, perseverance, honesty, responsibility, curiosity, and forgiveness we seek. There are only so many things we can give a f**k about so we need to figure out which ones really matter, Manson makes clear. While money is nice, caring about what you do with your life is better, because true wealth is about experience. A much-needed grab-you-by-the-shoulders-and-look-you-in-the-eye moment of real-talk, filled with entertaining stories and profane, ruthless humor, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is a refreshing slap for a generation to help them lead contented, grounded lives.

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Personal Development

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Books

#1 New York Times BestsellerOver 10 million copies soldIn this generation-defining self-help guide, a superstar blogger cuts through the crap to show us how to stop trying to be "positive" all the time so that we can truly become better, happier people.For decades, we’ve been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, rich life. "F**k positivity," Mark Manson says. "Let’s be honest, shit is f**ked and we have to live with it." In his wildly popular Internet blog, Manson doesn’t sugarcoat or equivocate. He tells it like it is—a dose of raw, refreshing, honest truth that is sorely lacking today. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is his antidote to the coddling, let’s-all-feel-good mindset that has infected American society and spoiled a generation, rewarding them with gold medals just for showing up.Manson makes the argument, backed both by academic research and well-timed poop jokes, that improving our lives hinges not on our ability to turn lemons into lemonade, but on learning to stomach lemons better. Human beings are flawed and limited—"not everybody can be extraordinary, there are winners and losers in society, and some of it is not fair or your fault." Manson advises us to get to know our limitations and accept them. Once we embrace our fears, faults, and uncertainties, once we stop running and avoiding and start confronting painful truths, we can begin to find the courage, perseverance, honesty, responsibility, curiosity, and forgiveness we seek.There are only so many things we can give a f**k about so we need to figure out which ones really matter, Manson makes clear. While money is nice, caring about what you do with your life is better, because true wealth is about experience. A much-needed grab-you-by-the-shoulders-and-look-you-in-the-eye moment of real-talk, filled with entertaining stories and profane, ruthless humor, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is a refreshing slap for a generation to help them lead contented, grounded lives.

Mark Manson (born 1984) is a professional blogger, entrepreneur, and former dating coach. Since 2007, he's been helping people with their emotional and relationship problems. He has worked with thousands of people from over 30 different countries. He regularly writes and updates his blog at: www.markmanson.net