While each of us are unique, there are universal truths - In the same way that we share a similarly functioning biology, there are also six fundamental needs that every human has in common.
“All behavior is just an attempt to meet those six needs - but the different ways people meet these needs are unlimited.” - Tony Robbins
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While the top four needs in this list above are what shape our personality - with the last two (growth and contribution) are what is shaping our spiritual needs, each human subconsciously puts these six needs in their own order of importance.
Growth: an expansion of capacity, capability or understanding.
‘Motion equals emotion’ - It’s a very old idea that self-esteem comes from your actions and a sense of achievement.
“Remember, rewards come in action, not in discussion.” - Tony Robbins
Connection and Love: a strong feeling of closeness or union with someone or something.
Connection can be a positive thing, of course, but the negative ways it tends to show up fall into the categories of shallow friendships.
At first it almost seems like a contradiction to the first point, and in the contrary way of humans it is.
However, this made more sense to me when it was phrased as ‘variety’.
Basically, it’s the need we have to seek out new experiences - new friends, new jobs, new things to learn - with the downside of instability or impulsive behaviour.
This manifests in positive ways like saving money, eating healthy and exercising and basically doing things to maintain equilibrium in your life.
But Tony explains that there are downsides to all the needs; the downsides to certainty would be not trying new things, or not being open to new people.
Contribution: a sense of service and focus on helping, giving to and supporting others.
“Only those who have learned the power of sincere and selfless contribution experience life’s deepest joy, true fulfilment.” - Tony Robbins
Everyone wants to feel significant- you have to choose carefully about how you achieve this feeling.
“Using the power of decision gives you the capacity to get past any excuse to change any and every part of your life in an instant,” cautioned Robbins.
To satisfy this need in a way that will make us feel good in the long run we must choose to be productive, not destructive.
“Trade your expectation for appreciation and the world changes instantly.”
Healthy relationships don’t look the same for everyone since people have different needs. Our specific needs around communication, sex, affection, space, shared hobbies or values, and so on may change throughout life.
So, a relationship that works in our 20s may be nothing like the relationship we want in our 30s.
In short, “healthy relationship” is a broad term because what makes a relationship thrive depends on the needs of the people in it.
If your partner feels insecure, it’s because they haven’t dealt with whatever is putting them in a negative state.
This could be that their needs aren’t being met by your relationship, or it could have to do with something outside your union, like their own lack of self-confidence or fear of the unknown.
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