We can't control everything that happens to us, but we can control how we react to it.

Be In Your Control 

It's better to focus on what you can control, rather than wasting energy on things you can't control.

What You Can Control 

There are always trade-offs when making decisions, and it's important to consider what you are willing to sacrifice.

Are You Ready To Sacrifice 

It's okay to feel negative emotions, but it's important to not get overwhelmed by them.

Beware Of Negative Thoughts 

You can't please everyone, and it's not worth trying to do so.

Don't Be A Pleaser

It's important to set boundaries and communicate your needs with others.

Have Values

It's okay to say "no" to things that don't align with your values or goals.

Learn To Say 

You don't have to have all the answers or be perfect. It's okay to ask for help or admit when you don't know something.

Nobody Is Perfect 

It's important to take care of yourself, both physically and mentally.

"You" Is All That Matters 

It's okay to change your mind and make adjustments to your priorities as you learn and grow.

Learn And Grow

#1 New York Times Bestseller Over 10 million copies sold In this generation-defining self-help guide, a superstar blogger cuts through the crap to show us how to stop trying to be "positive" all the time so that we can truly become better, happier people. For decades, we’ve been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, rich life. "F**k positivity," Mark Manson says. "Let’s be honest, shit is f**ked and we have to live with it." In his wildly popular Internet blog, Manson doesn’t sugarcoat or equivocate. He tells it like it is—a dose of raw, refreshing, honest truth that is sorely lacking today. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is his antidote to the coddling, let’s-all-feel-good mindset that has infected American society and spoiled a generation, rewarding them with gold medals just for showing up. Manson makes the argument, backed both by academic research and well-timed poop jokes, that improving our lives hinges not on our ability to turn lemons into lemonade, but on learning to stomach lemons better. Human beings are flawed and limited—"not everybody can be extraordinary, there are winners and losers in society, and some of it is not fair or your fault." Manson advises us to get to know our limitations and accept them. Once we embrace our fears, faults, and uncertainties, once we stop running and avoiding and start confronting painful truths, we can begin to find the courage, perseverance, honesty, responsibility, curiosity, and forgiveness we seek. There are only so many things we can give a f**k about so we need to figure out which ones really matter, Manson makes clear. While money is nice, caring about what you do with your life is better, because true wealth is about experience. A much-needed grab-you-by-the-shoulders-and-look-you-in-the-eye moment of real-talk, filled with entertaining stories and profane, ruthless humor, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is a refreshing slap for a generation to help them lead contented, grounded lives.

career

Career

communication

Communication

creativity

Creativity

books

Books

leadershipandmanagement

Leadership & Management

#1 New York Times BestsellerOver 10 million copies soldIn this generation-defining self-help guide, a superstar blogger cuts through the crap to show us how to stop trying to be "positive" all the time so that we can truly become better, happier people.For decades, we’ve been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, rich life. "F**k positivity," Mark Manson says. "Let’s be honest, shit is f**ked and we have to live with it." In his wildly popular Internet blog, Manson doesn’t sugarcoat or equivocate. He tells it like it is—a dose of raw, refreshing, honest truth that is sorely lacking today. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is his antidote to the coddling, let’s-all-feel-good mindset that has infected American society and spoiled a generation, rewarding them with gold medals just for showing up.Manson makes the argument, backed both by academic research and well-timed poop jokes, that improving our lives hinges not on our ability to turn lemons into lemonade, but on learning to stomach lemons better. Human beings are flawed and limited—"not everybody can be extraordinary, there are winners and losers in society, and some of it is not fair or your fault." Manson advises us to get to know our limitations and accept them. Once we embrace our fears, faults, and uncertainties, once we stop running and avoiding and start confronting painful truths, we can begin to find the courage, perseverance, honesty, responsibility, curiosity, and forgiveness we seek.There are only so many things we can give a f**k about so we need to figure out which ones really matter, Manson makes clear. While money is nice, caring about what you do with your life is better, because true wealth is about experience. A much-needed grab-you-by-the-shoulders-and-look-you-in-the-eye moment of real-talk, filled with entertaining stories and profane, ruthless humor, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is a refreshing slap for a generation to help them lead contented, grounded lives.

Mark Manson (born 1984) is a professional blogger, entrepreneur, and former dating coach. Since 2007, he's been helping people with their emotional and relationship problems. He has worked with thousands of people from over 30 different countries. He regularly writes and updates his blog at: www.markmanson.net

Mark Manson

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

6 basic etiquette that will make you Better and Great Person.

6 Basic Etiquette

When someone gives you compliment or does something nice, the best response is simple "Thank You".<ul><li>Please</li><li>Excuse me</li><li>You're welcome </li></ul>whic are other marks of good manners

Say "Thank You"

A fundamental rule of good manners is to give.A "Hello" or "How are you?" is most often not enough.Be generous with sincere words of<ul><li>Praise</li><li>Warm greetings</li><li>Sympathy </li><li>Whatever is appropriate to the occasion</li></ul>

Give Genuine Compliments 

Respect for others is a requirement of good manners. <ul><li>Listening to others is a way to show respect.</li><li>Be genuinely interested in others.</li><li>Learn their names.</li><li>Encourage them to talk about themselves.</li><li>Never interrupt.</li><li>Look them in the eye.</li><li>Listen carefully. </li></ul>

Listen Before Speaking 

<ul><li>Appreciate the value of time, yours and others.</li><li>If you make an appointment, arrive on time. If late, call first. Never arrive Early (this is fine for social and business settings).</li><li>Lingering good-byes merely cause frustration.</li><li>Simple exit at the proper time is usualluly appreciated.</li></ul>

Be Punctual

Negativity in any form is to be avoided.<ul><li>Ignore gossip; Don't participate. </li><li>If you disagree with others, do so respectively (agree to disagree).</li></ul>

Don't Criticize or Complain

Before speaking to others, consider what effect your words will have.Also remember the language of the body (your posture and your mannerism) is actually more important than the language of words.

Speak with Kindness and Caution

6 Basic Etiquette you should follow and will make you Great

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

habits

Habits

education

Learning & Education

Good Manners

<ul><li>A strategic pause means taking a moment – or longer – to think, plan, create or just breathe.</li><li>People need to take strategic pauses because overload has become prevalent.</li><li>Pauses can benefit performance by allowing for cognitive recovery.</li><li>Four attitudinal culprits work against taking time to pause.</li><li>Free up time for strategic pauses by asking four questions – and apply “the Wedge.”</li></ul>

A Minute to Think

<ul><li>To apply white space thinking to digital messaging, reduce the number of times you check your email, the amount you send, and improve your composition skills.</li><li>Applying strategic pauses to communications can benefit teams.</li><li>To improve meetings, do less inviting and accepting, and take strategic pauses both between meetings and during them.</li><li>Use white space at home, too, to ensure your time, and your children’s, is well spent.</li></ul>

A Minute to Think (cont'd)

“If only activity and productivity were the same – but they are not.”

A strategic pause means taking a moment – or longer – to think, plan, create or just breathe.

“We need permission to pause – and to do so during business hours, not on our own time like a public school teacher going broke to buy their own clay and markers.”3mind-sets drive toward constant busyness:“Insatiability” – People never feel they’ve done enough – . “Conformity” – People unconsciously mirror their colleagues’ behaviors, resulting in feedback loops.“Waste” – Tolerance of wasted time and effort places huge burdens on workers, who pay the price in decreased wellness and happiness. Meanwhile, businesses suffer in terms of employee engagement and retention.

People need to take strategic pauses because overload has become prevalent.

“Charles Darwin and Charles Dickens both worked four to five hours a day and on that schedule wrote 19 and 21 books, respectively.”

Pauses can benefit performance by allowing for cognitive recovery.

Four “time thieves” lead people to overload themselves – The thieves have a positive side, but they create dysfunction when taken to extremes:<ul><li>Drive transforms into overdrive – The push to do more can cause people to load themselves with work beyond their capacity. </li><li>Commitment to excellence turns into perfectionism – </li><li>The pursuit of information becomes overload –  </li><li>Dedication to activity turns into frenzy – The need to feel busy occurs when people conflate activity with productivity. </li></ul>“There are some thoughts you just can’t have while hustling down a hallway.”

Four attitudinal culprits work against taking time to pause.

Reclaim Creativity, Conquer Busyness, and Do Your Best Work

“You’re going to want to share copies of this book with your overbooked friends and colleagues, but before you do, take some time to read it yourself. Funt’s wisdom around making space is priceless.” —Seth Godin, author of The Practice Do you wish you could stop the mayhem of work and life and just take a minute? Do you sense you could contribute more if there were a little more room in the day? Does busyness deprive you and your burnt-out team of the oxygen your talents need to catch fire? Many have felt that way, yet taking a pause has seemed impossible—until now. In A Minute to Think, Juliet Funt, a globally recognized warrior in the battle against busyness, provides a powerful guide that will give you the permission, framework, and specific direction you need to do the following: Regain control of your overloaded, caffeinated, inbox-worshiping workday Liberate yourself and your teams from burnout and busywork Reclaim creativity and focus despite the chaos around you Bring thoughtfulness into designing your next work norms Tame the beast of email and escape the mire of meetings Find your precious minute to think You’re not alone in your yearning for freedom from constant reactivity. The global workforce today is so fried that it belongs in the food court of a county fair. We’re relentlessly behind the curve, dousing fires everywhere, and our 3 a.m. insomnia provides the only unscheduled thinking time of the day. What we need reinserted in our lives is the missing element of white space—short periods of open, unscheduled time that, when recaptured, change the very nature of work. White space is the stepping back, the strategic pause, the oxygen that allows the sparks of our efforts to catch fire. White space has the power to radically—and simply—reinvent the way we approach work in this maxed-out, post-COVID 21st-century world. With Juliet’s memorable stories, easy-to-use tools, and razor-sharp instruction, she carves for us an escape route from the overwhelming amount of low-value tasks and the daily avalanche of e-mails, meetings, decks, and reports. Using research, client stories, and a relatable voice, Juliet shows all of us how to reclaim time for thinking and make room for what truly matters. Whether you are an individual trying to build a more sane and humane flow of daily work, a team that wants new levels of efficiency and effectiveness, or an entire organization changing your culture toward thoughtfulness, this book will lead you there.

“You’re going to want to share copies of this book with your overbooked friends and colleagues, but before you do, take some time to read it yourself. Funt’s wisdom around making space is priceless.” —Seth Godin, author of The PracticeDo you wish you could stop the mayhem of work and life and just take a minute? Do you sense you could contribute more if there were a little more room in the day? Does busyness deprive you and your burnt-out team of the oxygen your talents need to catch fire?Many have felt that way, yet taking a pause has seemed impossible—until now.In A Minute to Think, Juliet Funt, a globally recognized warrior in the battle against busyness, provides a powerful guide that will give you the permission, framework, and specific direction you need to do the following:<ul><li>Regain control of your overloaded, caffeinated, inbox-worshiping workday</li><li>Liberate yourself and your teams from burnout and busywork</li><li>Reclaim creativity and focus despite the chaos around you</li><li>Bring thoughtfulness into designing your next work norms</li><li>Tame the beast of email and escape the mire of meetings</li><li>Find your precious minute to think</li></ul>You’re not alone in your yearning for freedom from constant reactivity. The global workforce today is so fried that it belongs in the food court of a county fair. We’re relentlessly behind the curve, dousing fires everywhere, and our 3 a.m. insomnia provides the only unscheduled thinking time of the day.What we need reinserted in our lives is the missing element of white space—short periods of open, unscheduled time that, when recaptured, change the very nature of work. White space is the stepping back, the strategic pause, the oxygen that allows the sparks of our efforts to catch fire. White space has the power to radically—and simply—reinvent the way we approach work in this maxed-out, post-COVID 21st-century world.With Juliet’s memorable stories, easy-to-use tools, and razor-sharp instruction, she carves for us an escape route from the overwhelming amount of low-value tasks and the daily avalanche of e-mails, meetings, decks, and reports. Using research, client stories, and a relatable voice, Juliet shows all of us how to reclaim time for thinking and make room for what truly matters. Whether you are an individual trying to build a more sane and humane flow of daily work, a team that wants new levels of efficiency and effectiveness, or an entire organization changing your culture toward thoughtfulness, this book will lead you there.

Juliet Funt

Jeanne Proust is a postdoctoral teaching fellow at Fordham University.The conception of free will as the continual creation of unpredictable novelty can lead us away from social-media-driven anxieties that often cripple our decision-making.If there’s one thing the pandemic helped me realize, it’s how deeply FOMO was spoiling my life. All of a sudden, plans, gatherings and events I might miss evaporated. It was a huge relief: There I was, liberated, precisely when deprived of choices to make.

FOMO

Until recently, that is, when a new normal emerged — once again with an arsenal of overwhelming possibilities. Was I to fall back into despair? Or could I try to heal myself from my free will anxieties using philosophical resources I could put into practice? FOMO, to me, is more than jealousy born of social media; I’ve never had a Facebook or Instagram account. I knew those platforms would be the end of me, weaponizing my cynicism and disdain (I am French after all).

To Heal Myself

More broadly and profoundly, I see FOMO as an echo of an existential conundrum related to a deep sense of irresolution in the face of the myriad possible paths our lives can take. It manifests as a form of disquieted paralysis that for me had always been a significant source of suffering, to the point where I wanted to dedicate my Ph.D. thesis to it. My pathological, all-encompassing uncertainty was why I chose to study philosophy in the first place: I simply couldn’t decide on a career. It wasn’t because I wasn’t good at or interested in other subjects.

FOMO as an Echo

But choosing among them felt like a daunting sacrifice. The author André Gide’s famous quote, “choisir, c’est renoncer” (“to choose is to renounce”), became my life’s tragic motto.FOMO seems to have first appeared two decades ago when a marketing strategist named Dan Herman mentioned it in the Journal of Brand Management. But the “<a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6211134/#B8-ijerph-15-02319">pervasive apprehension </a>that others might be having rewarding experiences from which one is absent” is older, a phenomenon fundamental to our human condition.

“Choisir, C’est Renoncer”

This condition has been exacerbated by today’s technology-obsessed society. The “infobesity” coming from social media platforms — the proliferation of possibilities, or at least the illusory impression of such an abundance, along with an ungrounded sense of accessibility — feeds an unprecedented awareness of how other people live their lives: what they watch, buy, enjoy, know, experience and share.

The “Infobesity” 

I used to be fascinated (and terrified) by Jean-Paul Sartre’s <a href="https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/existentialism/#FreVal">conception of freedom </a> as a burden. I felt squashed by responsibility: What you decide to do will ultimately define who you are. In an existentialist sense, FOMO stems from a conception of freedom involving a plurality of equally possible futures that are all realizable. But this is not the only way to think about it. Luckily, Sartre’s anxiogenic existentialism has comforting competitors.

Conception of Freedom

Back in 2006, as I was about to leave the Humboldt-Universität library, I spotted a worn-out, left-behind little book whose title intrigued me: “The Possible and The Real.” Henri Bergson thus entered my life. And he was going to save me from the pangs and throes of indecision.

“The Possible and The Real"

I immediately fell in love not only with his very elegant and limpid style (such a relief when I was sweating over Hegel and Heidegger), but also with his understanding of free acts as unfolding creations emerging from the depths of ourselves, yet always unpredictable. Bergson’s conception of freedom can provide a remedy to many deep anxieties pertaining to the fear of missing out. By adopting his understanding of free acts, one can learn how to let go of the misleading metaphor of the “tree of possibles” crippling our decision-making capacities.

 The “Tree of Possibles”

For Sartre, freedom transcends who you are: The possibilities you face are ready to impale you with responsibility as soon as you choose to realize them. Bergson’s freedom is immanent: It is grounded in the self, in our character, in our past. Bergson seems to postulate that our “free” actions reflect an essence (the deep self, the past, the personality) of what precedes them. They flow from the most intimate self.

The Intimate Self

Bergson’s concept of the deep self is nothing like a fixed essence. The self is a process, perpetually maturing, never “essentializable,” never absolutely determined or determining. The qualitative continuity between the self and its free acts is not static: A free act always unfolds, emerges as something perpetually new, though not radically so. Our free decisions are not reducible to the self as it is at a given moment, because when that moment is being conceived it is already past. The self continually grows as it is deciding, as it acts.

The Self is a Process

Being free is not about having the ability to do anything. It is about embracing the act we are doing as the expression of who we are becoming. We aren’t coerced into doing things by a third party, or by strong and alienating habits that form what Bergson calls our “superficial self.” Most of what we do are reactions, partially automated, adapted to the social and biological demands of daily routine.

"Superficial Self"

By contrast, we act freely when we act upon the continuous, heterogeneous multiplicity of our deep selves, when we are attentive to our most fundamental tendencies, which are perpetually in flux, below the superficial crust of our habitual behavior. “To act freely is to retake possession of oneself,” Bergson wrote. “It is to place oneself back in pure duration.”

Heterogeneous Multiplicity

Through intuitive thinking and careful and deep introspection, we can break through that crust and birth authentic, free acts. Truly free acts are therefore rare: It is difficult to listen to our inner “duration,” our deep tendencies constantly becoming, permeating one another. It is challenging to put ourselves in tune with our whole moving, growing personality.

The Inner Duration

Our ordinary conception of free will is that a future scenario presents the same level of possibility as any other, and that we somehow have the ability to choose between them. Bergson thought that was the fruit of a retrospective illusion. “It is the real which makes itself possible, and not the possible which becomes real,” he wrote. It is only when something actually happens, when it becomes real, that it becomes possible: There is no temporal anteriority of the possible before its realization.

Retrospective Illusion

At best, we can say that once something has happened, it was possible. We retroactively qualify as possible what is now actualized and real, forgetting that we have to wait until then to call it possible. It’s easy to predict what tomorrow could look like, but products of imagination aren’t the same as seeing the future.

Imagination

At the end of “The Possible and the Real,” Bergson insists on the benefits of this way of reflecting on our well-being: “In this speculation on the relation between the possible and the real, let us guard against seeing a simple game,” he wrote. “It can be a preparation for the art of living.” We project “possible” futures based on nothing but the past. But the future is fundamentally uncharted. Trying to predict it is a vain endeavor — and so is attempting to imagine what might have happened if different decisions had been made.

A simple Game

Saying “I should have gone” or “If I had gone, this or that would have happened” are not only utterly useless, they are absurd: They don’t mean anything at all. They misconstrue reality by omitting what it is made of: growing, concrete duration. We cannot travel through time, rewind and grab missed branches at will. These branches never existed nor could have existed.

Through Time

FOMO and other “decision disabilities,” as I like to call them, are built on the illusion that time is space or can be spatialized. But duration (concrete, real, lived time) operates as a growing snowball: It is the dense process of the past perpetually feeding itself with the present, thereby accumulating, growing and reshaping itself constantly, making it simply impossible to predict what will be or could have been. The deep self is precisely this dynamic process of interpenetration of mental flows, which creates the future from the past but also reorganizes the past.

Decision Disabilities

The accumulation of new moments reorganizes the whole self, therefore making all decisions and actions, when stemming from it, utterly new and unpredictable.The “possible” has no existence, even as a fleshless idea, before the act. A possibility becomes a possibility when it is realized: A free act creates the possible as we enact it — it doesn’t choose among preformed possibilities. How do you know you were free when deciding to read this article? Because, you might be tempted to say, you could have done otherwise — you could have chosen to do something else instead.

The Whole Self

But that is a gross misunderstanding about how life and reality as duration unfold.Does this mean it is absurd to regret anything? That we should never feel guilty for what we think we’ve done wrong? Certainly not, but we cannot possibly be transported back in time to make better decisions. It is because we took certain decisions in the past, some of which we regret, that we are now willing to make amends — and better decisions.

Life & Reality

Time is not a vacuum in which our free acts take place — it is a textured duration, a creative force manifesting itself through the uninterrupted change and the accumulative mobility of the self. The free act emerging from that self remains unpredictable, even for the one who is doing it — not from nothing, but as a creation. Like an artist’s painting: A work of art will never perfectly match what the artist had imagined. It will be radically new, though it emerges from the artist.

A Creative Force

Determinists and defenders of free will alike ignore the “processual” nature of reality. They both say that if free will exists, it has to be defined as radically undetermined. For Bergson, on the other hand, a free act translates who we are as a perpetually growing, interpreting, transforming self. Our character is always present in all our decisions, as a synergetic, holistic synthesis of all our past states. But it is not determining our actions in a mechanistic way.

The Nature of Reality

Instead of hypocritically trying to embrace a JOMO (“joy of missing out”) attitude, we should more radically let go of the assumptions behind FOMO and JOMO alike by changing our perception of what time and free will really are. Bergson’s freedom — durational, personal and creative — invites us to intuitively grasp the unforeseeable newness that our perpetually evolving personality brings with itself at every instant. That here and now in the making should not be just the object of a healthy, humble resignation; it should be the occasion of perpetual marvel.

The Unforeseeable Newness

Bergson rejected the idea of a tree of possibilities and the angst that it generates in us: There are no such things as missed opportunities, as “dead” branches left behind, as futures renounced. So say goodbye to the incapacitating shoulda, coulda, woulda obsession. And be amazed at the continual creation of unpredictable novelty.

Unpredictable Novelty

The conception of free will as the continual creation of unpredictable novelty can lead us away from social-media-driven anxieties that often cripple our decision-making.

problemsolving

Problem Solving

timemanagement

Time Management

A Remedy For FOMO | NOEMA

"To any action there is always an opposite and equal reaction; in other words, the actions of two bodies upon each other are always equal and always opposite in direction."

The Power Of Inertia

A person's mind has never been easy to change. The more we want to convince them, the more we debate and the more evidence we offer. The more we think a little pressure will do the trick, the more we attempt to persuade them.However, pushing or forcing them hardly ever works since they frequently push back. If forcing people is not it, what does the job?

You see, according to the Law of Inertia, an object in motion tends to stay in motion; an object at rest tends to stay at rest. For people, the same holds true.<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">People vote for the candidates they have supported in the past.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">The budget from the previous year serves as the project's foundation.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">The way that investors invest remains consistent.</li></ul>

People Do What They Always Do

In Chemistry, a catalyst is a substance that speeds up a chemical reaction without being consumed by the reaction. Faster change with less energy? It seemed impossible. But it worked, and it revolutionized Chemistry.Causing a change in the social world is about being a catalyst to changing people's perceptions by:<ul><li>removing obstacles that prevent them from acting</li><li>listening and establishing trust</li><li>motivating and relieving pressure</li><li>reducing their anxieties, uncertainties, and hostility </li></ul>

The Catalyst

Imagine people as cars and ideas as roads. Ideas that are welcomed are like roads without potholes. The trip is smooth, fun, enjoyable, and friendly. But when faced with an idea that is difficult to accept, it turns into an inclined road, and it becomes harder for the car to move.So what do we do? Of course, we hit the gas pedal. We push and push and push, and the car still doesn't budge.

Finding The Parking Breaks

When asked how to change someone’s mind, 99% of the answers focus on some version of pushing. “Present facts and evidence,” “Explain my reasons,” and “Convince them” are common refrains.

Rather than knowing "Why hasn’t that person changed already? What is blocking them?", we focus more on the desired outcome that we are consumed with how to push people in that direction.Forcing to push the car on an inclined road is the same as pushing people toward an idea that they don't believe in or don't understand. The more you push, the more they resist.Being a catalyst is about finding those hidden breaks that are preventing the change and eliminating them.

The Uphill Battle

The five ways to be a catalyst can be organized into an acronym. Catalysts —<ul><li>reduce Reactance</li><li>ease Endowment</li><li>shrink Distance</li><li>alleviate Uncertainty</li><li>find Corroborating Evidence</li></ul>Taken together, that forms an acronym, REDUCE, which is exactly what great catalysts do. They REDUCE roadblocks. They change minds and incite action by reducing barriers to change.

R.E.D.U.C.E

When pushed, people push back.People have an innate anti-persuasion system. Radar that kicks in when they sense someone is trying to convince them.To lower this barrier, catalysts encourage people to persuade themselves.Learn about the science of reactance, how warnings become recommendations, and the power of tactical empathy.

Reactance

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.People are wedded to what they’re already doing. And unless what they’re doing is terrible, they don’t want to switch.To ease endowment, or people’s attachment to the status quo, catalysts highlight how inaction isn’t as costless as it seems.

Endowment 

Another barrier is distance. If new information is within people’s zone of acceptance, they’re willing to listen. But if it is too far away, in the region of rejection, everything flips. Communication is ignored or, even worse, increases opposition.Learn how to find the unsticking points to change minds on the seemingly toughest issues.

Distance

Change often involves uncertainty. To overcome this barrier, catalysts make things easier to try.

Uncertainty

Sometimes one person, no matter how knowledgeable or assured, is not enough. Some things just need more proof. More evidence to overcome the translation problem and drive change. Sure, one person endorsed something, but what does their endorsement say about whether I’ll like it?To overcome this barrier, catalysts find reinforcement. Corroborating evidence.

Corroborating Evidence

Have you ever thought, "why are people close minded?" or "why can't they see my point of view?" If you did, then maybe this book is for you.

"From the author of New York Times bestsellers Contagious and Invisible Influence comes a revolutionary approach to changing anyone's mind"--

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

“Jonah Berger is one of those rare thinkers who blends research-based insights with immensely practical guidance. I am grateful to be one of the many who have learned from this master teacher.” —Jim Collins, author Good to Great, coauthor Built to Last From the author of New York Times bestsellers Contagious and Invisible Influence comes a revolutionary approach to changing anyone’s mind. Everyone has something they want to change. Marketers want to change their customers’ minds and leaders want to change organizations. Start-ups want to change industries and nonprofits want to change the world. But change is hard. Often, we persuade and pressure and push, but nothing moves. Could there be a better way? This book takes a different approach. Successful change agents know it’s not about pushing harder, or providing more information, it’s about being a catalyst. Catalysts remove roadblocks and reduce the barriers to change. Instead of asking, “How could I change someone’s mind?” they ask a different question: “Why haven’t they changed already? What’s stopping them?” The Catalyst identifies the key barriers to change and how to mitigate them. You’ll learn how catalysts change minds in the toughest of situations: how hostage negotiators get people to come out with their hands up and how marketers get new products to catch on, how leaders transform organizational culture and how activists ignite social movements, how substance abuse counselors get addicts to realize they have a problem, and how political canvassers change deeply rooted political beliefs. This book is designed for anyone who wants to catalyze change. It provides a powerful way of thinking and a range of techniques that can lead to extraordinary results. Whether you’re trying to change one person, transform an organization, or shift the way an entire industry does business, this book will teach you how to become a catalyst.

Jonah Berger

Passive aggresive behaviour isn’t always intentional. A study found that people who have these tendencies often just struggle with being honest about their emotions. Here are phrases that we can avoid to not being passive aggresive

Intro

It's a “throat clearer” — an indirect attempt to demand attention or a faster response. Other phrases to eliminate: “Per my last email...,” “Not sure if you got the memo, but...” or “As I mentioned before...”These phrases only camouflage your request and make the other person think you’re trying to nag, blame or be bossy.What to say instead: Be direct. If you need a quick turnaround, there’s nothing wrong with saying, “Hey, I’m sorry to bug you again, but I need a response.”

1. “Just a friendly reminder...”

This phrase almost always prefaces something annoying or offensive.What to say instead: If so, it’s fine to say: “Is this a good time to talk? There’s something that’s been bothering me” or “I’m concerned about your performance. Let’s talk about it.”

2. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but…”

Sometimes, this is just another phrase for “Yep, okay.” But the sarcastic version means something different: “Shut up, I heard you” or “You’re annoying, leave me alone.”What to say instead: Examine why you’re upset. Then try saying, “I’m sorry if I seem annoyed. I’m having a hard time with this assignment” or “I’m stressed because I already have two deadlines today.”

3. “Got it.”

Softening a request might seem polite, but it can also be a form of passive aggression. Think of other “softeners” like “Thanks in advance” or “Hey, what’s our ETA looking like?”If you’re asking for something as a boss or colleague, don’t pretend like you’re being a pal. It’s fine to be explicit and state what you need and when.What to say instead: Be upfront. Remind them of the deadline, then explain the stakes of missing it: “I really need this by tomorrow or the client will be very upset.”

4. “Hey, how are we doing with that task I’m waiting for?”

This phrase implies disapproval. Other passive aggressive judgement signals include “Just so you know...” or “For future reference...”Your listener hears a common refrain in each of these phrases: “I don’t agree. Don’t you know who I am? You messed up again.” What to say instead:People don’t usually make decisions to upset you. If you disagree, speak up. But lead with the benefit of the doubt. Is your input required? Is this the right time to say something?If so, be polite and direct as you advocate for what you think is best: “What if we take this course of action for this benefit?”

5. “If that’s what you want to do…”

We should avoid these phrases that only serve to irritate the listener.

Want to be more likeable and well-respected? Public speaking expert John Bowe shares five passive-aggressive phrases to avoid—and what to say instead. 

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

teamwork

Teamwork

5 passive-aggressive phrases that 'make people respect you less': Public speaking expert

The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking.

Do what you love and don’t settle for something else just because you “think” it’s good or others think it’s good. Be where you “should” be and do what you “should” do!

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

Quote by Steve Jobs

There is no reason to show that you are paying attention when you are in fact... paying attention.

Not just put down your phone, your car keys, or whatever that is in your hand.But also be present, be in that moment. Be completely involved in the conversation.

1. Do Not Multitask

You need to enter every conversation assuming that you have something to learn. Always assume the other person knows something you don't. So try to listen and learn.

2. Dont Pontificate

If you want to state your opinion, without any opportunity for response, argument, pushback, or growth. Write a blog.

If your mouth is open, you are not learning.

Start your questions with who, what, when, where, why, or how.Instead of asking "Was it scary?", ask "How did you feel?" or "How was it like?"Let them describe it. They are the ones who know.

3. Use Open Ended Questions

In the middle of a conversation if you just remembered some exciting past event you want to share or you got a cool question you want to ask, let it be. Let them come, let them go.First, be present and listen to the speaker. Then you may talk about whatever you recalled.

4. Go With The Flow

It's okay to not know everything in the world. If you don't know something, say you don't know. Err on the side of caution.

5. If You Don't Know Something, Accept It

Every experience is unique and individual. Do not try to equate them with your experiences. Try to listen to others instead of making the conversation about you.

6. Don't Equate Your Experiences With Theirs

Conversations are not promotional activities. You don't have to show how smart, how cool, or how brave you are.

Speak with clarity and intent. Do not go over the same things over and over.This happens especially when you are talking about yourself or when you are trying to make a point, without even realizing it.

7. Try Not To Repeat Yourself

People don't care about the exact date, the exact place, or the names that much. They care about you, they care about what you're like, what you have in common.So forget the details. Leave them out.

8. Dont Fixate Too Much On The Details

When your job hinges on how well you talk to people, you learn a lot about how to have conversations -- and that most of us don't converse very well. Celeste Headlee has worked as a radio host for decades, and she knows the ingredients of a great conversation: Honesty, brevity, clarity and a healthy amount of listening. In this insightful talk, she shares 10 useful rules for having better conversations. "Go out, talk to people, listen to people," she says. "And, most importantly, be prepared to be amazed." Visit http://TED.com to get our entire library of TED Talks, transcripts, translations, personalized talk recommendations and more. The TED Talks channel features the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design -- plus science, business, global issues, the arts and more. You're welcome to link to or embed these videos, forward them to others and share these ideas with people you know. Become a TED Member: http://ted.com/membership Follow TED on Twitter: http://twitter.com/TEDTalks Like TED on Facebook: http://facebook.com/TED Subscribe to our channel: http://youtube.com/TED TED's videos may be used for non-commercial purposes under a Creative Commons License, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives (or the CC BY – NC – ND 4.0 International) and in accordance with our TED Talks Usage Policy (https://www.ted.com/about/our-organization/our-policies-terms/ted-talks-usage-policy). For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), please submit a Media Request at https://media-requests.ted.com

Celeste Headlee: 10 ways to have a better conversation | TED

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