The soulmate mindset is the idea that love is effortless when you find the right person.
Love is something that happens to you, and if it feels like work, then you're with the wrong person. This is what brings unrealistic expectations into a relationship.

The soulmate mindset

This is basically a philosophy on life in which love requires work. If you're putting in effort, then you're doing it right. When you hit an inevitable rough patch, you say, is this someone with whom I can navigate challenges and make hard decisions? And you invest more into the relationship. You don't give up on it. And this is so important because romanticizers need to understand that relationships are work.

The "work it out" mindset

<ul>
<li>The romanticizer - the type of person who says, where's my Prince Charming? I love love. Love is something that happens to you, and if it feels like work, then you're with the wrong person.</li>
<li>The maximizer: the person who says to you, I like my girlfriend, but I could be 5% happier with somebody else, or is there someone out there slightly better for me or slightly hotter or slightly more ambitious or make slightly more money?</li>
<li>The hesitator: the type of person who isn't even dating because, in their mind, they're not ready to date yet. They say, I'll be ready to date when I get a more impressive job, I figure stuff out with my family. And it's always this, one day, they'll wake up and be perfect and ready to date, but they're not yet.</li>
</ul>

Three types of people that struggle to find love

Logan Ury, Hinge's Director of Relationship Science, says making dating decisions based on initial chemistry alone is a losing battle. In this episode, dating coach Damona Hoffman speaks with Ury about her new book, How to Not Die Alone. 

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

How to fall in love, according to Hinge's relationship scientist  : Life Kit

When you're visiting with relatives, there always seems to be that uncomfortable point in the conversation when you're asked about your "situation" with work. Instead of grinding your teeth, politely tell them you appreciate their concern, and tell them you'll let them know when you're situation changes for the better.You can move away from the topic by shifting to something related to how they are doing."I appreciate you asking. I am doing fine. I have some things in the works but I am choosing not to discuss them at this time. When I have an offer and know where I will land, you will know."

Move Away From The Subject

After being asked about your job search efforts for the fifth time, it can be hard to remember that your family is just trying to help. See the question for what it truly is: care and concern for your well-being.  Use it as a chance to practice your elevator speech and enjoy the time with family and friends. So, even if it's hard, try to be patient and treat them with respect.

Realize They Do It Because They Care

Your friends and family probably have the best of intentions by asking about your job search, but it can be frustrating when they continue to badger you about your employment prospects. To keep the peace, thank them for checking in with you, but let them know that your job search is proving to be more challenging than you had hoped.Use their concern as a positive and ask them if they have any contacts in your field or know of any openings that might be in line with your skill set.

Make Them Feel Helpful

You can craft a short, to-the-point response that will satisfy most family members.If they continue to probe after your short answer, remain consistent with short, upbeat responses. We often think under these circumstances that we need to get detailed but if you think about many other conversations, especially around Thanksgiving time (with loads of people), they are usually fairly superficial and short.

Keep Your Answers Short, But Positive

The most important thing is to recognize you don't owe an explanation to anyone about how your job search is going.  You can and should set boundaries with your extended family and friends by making clear what you will and won't talk about.

Set Boundaries

It may not exactly bring out the best in you when old Auntie June keeps asking why you haven't found a job yet. So, what should you tell your family and friends over the holidays (or at any get-together) when they badger you about your job search?

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

communication

Communication

How To Deal With Family Asking About Your Job Search

<ul>
<li>A superhero is a special character who performs heroic actions, usually because of the extraordinary powers he or she possesses.</li>
<li>Firefighters, doctors and the police perform heroic actions, but don’t possess super capabilities.</li>
<li>Superheroes also follow a strict moral code and are sympathetic, patient and giving.</li>
<li>Many Gods, mutants, magicians, scientists, teenagers and tech enthusiasts are on the(rather long) list of superheroes.</li>
</ul>

The Superhero: A Primer

<ul><li>Some superheroes are born with certain gifts, superpowers they didn’t ask for(X-men).</li><li>Freak accidents are common too(The Hulk, Spiderman) providing some kind of sudden power to a good, moral person.</li><li>Superheroes are usually good guys or have good traits that are further explored.</li><li>They stand for truth and justice, but often have human flaws and are seen struggling in almost all stories.</li><li>The struggle combined with internal conflicts makes superheroes relatable and human.</li></ul>

Making Of A Superhero

The first true Superhero was undeniably Superman, The alien from planet Krypton. However, Hugo Hercules, Tarzan and the Lone Ranger came before Superman, though they were not the perfect definition of Superheroes.
Action Comics(part of D.C.) debuted Superman in 1938, when the dying planet has a small spaceship escaping with a baby, who lands on our planet.

The First Superhero

D.C. had tremendous success with Wonder Woman, Batman and The Flash apart from Superman. However, Stan Lee and his Marvel comics gave them tough competition with Spiderman and The Hulk.
Now in 2021, Marvel is a mega-producer of movies and web series featuring an assorted list of Superheroes like Captain America, Iron Man and The Avengers, while D.C. is now a little behind.

D.C. And Marvel

Just like Yin-Yang, Black and White, Sun and Moon and other dualities, a good Superhero needs a good villain for a compelling story. The antagonist is required for every protagonist. True Supervillains are not mere thugs or thieves but smart men with amazing abilities and super-motivation.Batman would still be in the back alleys at night going after pickpockets if it was not for the Joker!

Supervillains

A superhero is a character with extraordinary powers that performs heroic actions. Here are some superhero examples that we know and love.

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Movies & Shows

artsandculture

Society, Arts & Culture

What Makes a Superhero?

Many of us have social taboos over money and are left confused when we have to cope with costly social plans with friends and loved ones.
Many people have money anxieties, and are money vigilant. Most of us do not feel comfortable saying no to friends who are making plans that require money, and bail out using excuses like not being well or not having any interest.

We Need To Talk About Money

If we have social friendships that border on fake territory, it is no use being transparent about one’s financial differences. One can simply say no to the plans.If the friendship is real, it is a great idea to discuss the differences in our financial priorities.

Being Transparent With Friends

The pandemic has helped many reassess their relationship with money and how much they splurge socially.There is a need to organize the social calendar and make it less obligatory and more financially transparent.

The Pandemic And Social Obligations

People have different kinds of relationships with money, many of them are irrational. People can get emotional or feel awkward talking about it, even being prickly or turning defensive.The feelings of being judged or ashamed are natural and maybe necessary at times.

Getting Defensive About Money

Otegha Uwagba, the author of We Need to Talk About Money, on dealing with friendship and financial anxiety.

moneyandinvestments

Money & Investments

How to Gracefully Turn Down Plans You Can’t Afford

Differences in romantic relationships are inevitable. Any person involved in a relationship has experienced envy in one way or another, may it be for a short amount of time or chronically.
Envy is the experience of feeling undeservedly inferior and this feeling is particularly damaging as any shared experiences between the people involved will be impacted.

Envy in Romantic Relationships

Looking at the short-term effects of inequality in relationships, it doesn't seem to do much harm as it often increases sexual desire.
However, unequal relationships will soon be laced with contempt, leading to divorce and extramarital affairs for both partners.

Inequality in Romantic Relationships

In the marriage between esteemed novelist, Jonathan Franzen and his wife Kathryn Chetkovich, who was a writer herself, had experienced envy.
Her envy towards the success of her husband led to her writing an essay about how envy had affected their marriage, even to the point of punishing Franzen by refusing sexual advances and to where she said "If I could not be happy, I was ready to make us both miserable."

The Harmful Effect of Competition in Romantic Relationships

"Be with someone who wants to see you grow."

Studies about personal development and romantic passion have been conducted in order to understand the correlation between the two. It's been shown that shared personal development increases the passion of both partners and the relationship's quality.
However, if only one partner endures personal development this reduces the passion, level of satisfaction, and intimacy in the relationship.

Development and Self-Fulfillment in Romantic Relationships

"We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance, if we, changing, continue to love a changed person."

Profound love involves kindness, generosity, and sympathetic joy for the beloved's success.
We will go through changes throughout our lives and if we see our partners as "above" or "beneath" us it will eventually become problematic because this places an unnecessary comparison in the relationship.
People who look for a partner that is superior to them may be suffering from low self-esteem and have the need to glorify themselves through a partner that adores them.

Profound Love

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

health

Health

Navigating Feelings of Romantic Inferiority

Some friendships are past their time, and the red flag to note is when a person isn’t replenished or energized in any way after spending time with a friend.
Another sign is when a life event or milestone (like a change in job location or marriage) drifts apart an old friendship. If you lose a favourite person, an alternative is to become your own favourite person.

Decluttering Your Friends

As time passes by, walls get built up in friendships, and one does not know where one stands with a friend anymore. When friendships start to become transactional, conditional, just for convenience, or hollow, it is time to say goodbye.
Decluttering your friends is a way to pay gratitude to yourself and start to live authentically, without obligations. Life is not static for anyone, and it is always good to move on.

Unequal Friends

What happens when you need to let go of a friend? When is it ok to say “this isn’t really working for me anymore”? Have you thought about friend breakups as much as I have in adulthood? To me—a person in a committed, monogamous relationship—this is as close as I’ve come to dating in a while, and it’s just as difficult to navigate.

Decluttering Friendships: When Is It Time to Let Go?

Parents and their children aren't 100% attuned towards each other and that is a normal phenomenon. A study showed that even a healthy and securely attached family, the parents and their children, were only in sync 30% of the time. The remaining 70% shows that there were miscommunications and mismatches. 
In addition to this, caregivers who meet all of their child's needs perfectly could impede the child's development.

Familial Disconnection

It is only natural for us to have disagreements without family members, however, being able to repair the rupture done is one of the most essential things in parenting. 
A bid for repair is an important part of communication because you're exhibiting the value of not only the person but also of your relationship with them.

Importance of Repair and Ruptures

<ol>
<li>Acknowledge the offense. Let the person affected know that you are taking accountability for your words and your actions.</li>
<li>Express remorse. A sincere "I'm sorry" is sufficient. Let go of the fear that you might be letting go of your power.</li>
<li>Consider offering a brief explanation, only if the person is willing to listen to your side of the story but focus on apologizing.</li>
<li>Express your sincere intention to fix the situation and prevent it from happening again</li>
</ol>

Four Steps To An Authentic Repair

<ul>
<li>Spend "special time" with each child individually in order to create more space to deepen your relationship with them on a one-on-one basis. Let them choose the activities you'll be doing at your special time.</li>
<li>Appreciate your child out loud, practice gratitude, and notice the good that your children have done throughout the day or the week. </li>
<li>Learn to respect and enjoy one another's presence without the over-reliance on power and authority that might lead to an issue.</li>
</ul>

Strengthening The Family Fabric

Here's how to navigate the inevitable tension and disconnection in family relationships.

Family Conflict Is Normal; It’s the Repair That Matters

Good relationships take commitment and effort.
The challenge for couples is cultivating a mature and trusting love that is the key to a lasting relationship.

Commitment, Love, and Romance

<ul>
<li>Romantic love: Based on passion and sexual attraction</li>
<li>Best friends: Fondness and deep affection</li>
<li>Logical: Practical feelings based on shared values, financial goals, religion etc.</li>
<li>Playful: Elicit feelings by flirtation or feeling challenged</li>
<li>Possessive: Jealousy and obsession</li>
<li>Unselfish: Nurturing, kindness, and sacrifice</li>
</ul>
In our most committed relationship, we feel a combination of two or three different forms of love. Understanding what forms of love your partner appreciates can help your relationship.

Finding Your Love Style

Romantic and passionate love can fade over time and mature into a committed love.
Couples can rekindle the sparks of early courtship simply by doing something novel together. Studies show that partners who regularly share new experiences report greater boosts in marital happiness.

Reignite Romance

Committed couples do have more sex than everyone else. But Americans who are not having that much physical intimacy are just as happy as their more active counterparts.
Sexual frequency declines 3.2 percent a year after the age of 25. But the good news is that what married couples lack in quantity they make up for in quality. *

Physical Intimacy

Ways you can protect your relationship:
<ul>
<li>Avoid opportunity. Avoid situations that could lead to bad decisions, such as late nights with colleagues.</li>
<li>Plan ahead for temptation. Remind yourself of steps you will take to avoid temptation and protect your relationship.</li>
<li>Picture your beloved. Focus on loving thoughts and the joy of your family.</li>
<li>Keep your relationship interesting.</li>
</ul>

Staying Faithful

Learn to fight constructively. The aim is to leave you feeling better about your partner.
<ul>
<li>Identify the complaint, not the criticism.</li>
<li>Avoid "you" phrases. '"You never" and "You always" followed by criticism.</li>
<li>Consider your pronouns. Starting your sentence with "I" or "We" will help identify problems, rather than blaming.</li>
<li>Body language. No eye-rolling, folded arms, or crossed legs. Look at your partner when you speak.</li>
<li>Learn to de-escalate. Useful phrases include "What if we...", "I hear what you're saying..."</li>
</ul>

Handling Conflict

Fights about money are really about a couple's values and shared goals and seldom about finances itself.
<ul>
<li>Be honest about all your spending.</li>
<li>Maintain some financial independence. Both sides can have their discretionary pot of money to spend on whatever they want.</li>
<li>Invest in the relationship. When you do have money to spend, spend it on the relationship.</li>
</ul>
The top three predictors of a happy marriage among parents are:
<ul>
<li>Sexual intimacy</li>
<li>Commitment to the relationship.</li>
<li>Generosity. It's about sharing, caring and kind gestures you make toward your partner every day.</li>
</ul>

Why Couples Fight

<ul>
<li>Stay generous toward your partner. Continue to express your affection. Do small things for your partner like bringing them coffee.</li>
<li>Personal growth. If your partner is helping you become a better person, you become happier and more content.</li>
<li>Be decisive. Intentionally define your relationship.</li>
<li>Invest in relationships with friends and family.</li>
<li>To strengthen a marriage, consider asking less. That means leaning on others for emotional support from time to time.</li>
<li>Watch a love story. A movie about relationships can help couples work out problems in the real world.</li>
</ul>

Make It Last

Good relationships don’t happen overnight. They take commitment, compromise, forgiveness and most of all — effort. Here we offer the latest in relationship science, expert advice, fun quizzes and helpful tips to help you build a stronger bond with your partner.

How to Have a Better Relationship - Well Guides

Friendship, which is an important class of relationships as it goes beyond family and relatives, is at its core about value.
A person could be willing to give us their time, money, resources, social benefits and energy if there is something in it for them. It can be prestige, attractiveness, status or other factors that are perceived valuable. This isn’t meant to be cold-hearted or mean, but is how we behave unconsciously.

The Art Of Having True Friends

A kind, beneficent act of gratitude or help often kickstarts a friendship if it is reciprocated by the other person. Words don’t mean as much as genuine demonstrations of friendship.
If something sticks, the relationship can transform into a meaningful and engaging relationship. Sometimes there is an inner connection or liking that develops into the closeness of the heart.

A Friend Indeed

Scientific American is the essential guide to the most awe-inspiring advances in science and technology, explaining how they change our understanding of the world and shape our lives.

The Evolutionary Origins of Friendship

<ul>
<li>We all have a biological need to connect, an ability and desire to share our emotions with those around us. This is known as Limbic Resonance.</li>
<li>Our connection with the other deeply impacts our emotional and physical health, as we synchronize with the other.</li>
</ul>

The Need To Connect

<ul>
<li>Experiments done on babies in the 13th century illustrated that they would die if deprived of the human connection. </li>
<li>Divorce rates are higher among couples not able to engage, resonate or respond to the others' need to connect.</li>
</ul>

Consequences of The Lack of Connection

A Harvard Study of Adult Development followed and documented a large number of people over their entire lifetimes, and after 75 years, the researchers came to a conclusion that good relationships are a primary cause of health and happiness, significantly more than wealth, fame or working hard.

Happiness and Good Relationships: A 75 Year Old Experiment

People who are socially connected to their loved ones, friends and society are healthier, happier and live longer than the people who are lonely. The isolated people turn toxic, with their health and brain functions declining at an earlier stage of life.
People feel better if they are understood, heard, and appreciated. Even talking to a homeless man for a few seconds will light up his eyes and make him feel recognized. Being lonely for so long, he might have forgotten that he even exists.

Being Socially Connected

<ul>
<li>Listening is one of the most important but hardest skills to achieve. The stuff we want to say, our ego, and impatience get in the way of being a good listener. </li>
<li>A simple trick to be an effective listener is to focus on listening actively with the intention to summarize what the other person is saying, instead of focusing on your upcoming reply.</li>
</ul>
If you summarize to the speaker what you have listened to, asking intelligent questions, it will create an extraordinary effect, as the other person will realize that you were genuinely listening.

The Listening Skill

To show that you resonate with the other person, you have to be genuinely empathetic and able to ask worthy questions.
If you are cutting short the conversation, stating your opinions, or saying ‘I understand’, ‘I see’ or ‘interesting’ a lot, it signals to the speaker that you are not really listening.

Demonstrate Your Resonance

When opening the door for someone, we have to understand the need and the timing of the activity. 
We have to build trust by being attentive to their needs and interests, opening the door at just the right moment. This is crucial for the power of resonance to work.

How to fall in love, according to Hinge's relationship scientist : Life Kit

How To Deal With Family Asking About Your Job Search

What Makes a Superhero?

How to Gracefully Turn Down Plans You Can’t Afford

Navigating Feelings of Romantic Inferiority

Emiliano L.