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The soulmate mindset
The soulmate mindset is the idea that love is effortless when you find the right person.
Love is something that happens to you, and if it feels like work, then you're with the wrong person. This is what brings unrealistic expectations into a relationship.
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The "work it out" mindset
This is basically a philosophy on life in which love requires work. If you're putting in effort, then you're doing it right.
When you hit an inevitable rough patch, you say, is this someone with whom I can navigate challenges and make hard decisions? And you invest more into the relationship. You don't give up on it. And this is so important because romanticizers need to understand that relationships are work.
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Three types of people that struggle to find love
- The romanticizer - the type of person who says, where's my Prince Charming? I love love. Love is something that happens to you, and if it feels like work, then you're with the wrong person.
- The maximizer: the person who says to you, I like my girlfriend, but I could be 5% happier with somebody else, or is there someone out there slightly better for me or slightly hotter or slightly more ambitious or make slightly more money?
- The hesitator: the type of person who isn't even dating because, in their mind, they're not ready to date yet. They say, I'll be ready to date when I get a more impressive job, I figure stuff out with my family. And it's always this, one day, they'll wake up and be perfect and ready to date, but they're not yet.
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