If there’s one thing we avoid, it’s feeling bored. And worse is being boring to others. Boredom is the state of feeling unhappy or dissatisfied because of a lack of interest or having nothing to do.

Being perceived as boring

Studies found that boredom did have negative consequences, in that people became more negative towards outsiders because it makes them feel better about their own group, and is also associated with aggression. Feelings of boredom typically led to feelings of nostalgia, with people finding a sense of comfort or interest in reminiscing about the past. However, boredom has a psychological purpose. It pushes people to search for new things they would find meaningful or valuable, which is a positive outcome.

Then pros and cons of boredom

<ul><li>Volunteers in a study reported that the five most boring jobs were data analysis, accounting, tax/insurance, cleaning, and banking.</li><li>The most boring hobbies included sleeping, religion, watching TV, observing animals, and doing math.</li><li>Attributes that made a person stereotypically boring were having no interests, no sense of humour, no opinions, or complaining too much. </li><li>People who had stereotypically boring characteristics were more likely to be automatically perceived as incompetent and cold.</li></ul>

Stereotypical features that lead to a person being perceived as boring by others

He’s also come up with a list of jobs considered the most boring by people. Is yours on it?

Stashed ideas

How to Not Be Boring, According to a Psychologist Who Researches Boredom

<ul><li class="ql-indent-1"> There are four habits that show you how to have successful relationships: 1- Be curious, not critical. 2 - Be careful, not crushing. 3 - Ask, don't assume. 4 - Connect before you correct.</li><li class="ql-indent-1">Manage the Emotional Bank Account. This is important to create the foundation for successful relationships. If you make more withdrawals than deposits your relationship will struggle. Keep a healthy balance.</li><li class="ql-indent-1">You can explore relationships on two dimensions. Motivation - How motivated are you to maintain and improve this relationship? Ability - How able are you to maintain and improve this relationship?</li></ul>

The Three Big Ideas

Great relationships don’t just happen – they are built on purpose.

Focus on building Relationship Intelligence, not only Emotional Intelligence:Relational Intelligence – our ability to connect, and stay connected, with the people around us.Emotional Intelligence - awakening (or improving) our ability to handle our own emotions and how they impact the people around us.

How To Have Successful Relationships: The Big Ideas Expanded

This habit is all about developing our self-awareness (and other-awareness!) through understanding fundamental differences, learning to give each other ‘space and grace’ to shine in our own strengths, and overcoming the frustration of unmet expectations.

Habit #1: BE CURIOUS, not critical

This one is all about self-management, building strong skills in managing conflict, learning to treat each other well no matter how heated the argument, and working toward genuine resolutions so that relationships are strengthened not damaged through conflict.

Habit #2: BE CAREFUL, not crushing

This habit is all about developing the social skills to build mutual trust and respect in relationships by clarifying values, having courageous conversations about things that really matter to us when necessary and overcoming the hurdles of mistrust and distance that can creep into relationships.

Habit #3: ASK, don’t assume

This one is all about learning to build great rapport, warmth and connection in relationships by consistently communicating appreciation and love in meaningful ways and overcoming the hurdle of feeling unvalued because of poor communication.

Habit #4: CONNECT, before you correct

<ul><li>Successful relationships are built upon a healthy emotional bank account.</li><li>You need to be aware of the behaviours that make deposits or withdrawals from the bank account. </li><li>When you have the balance right it creates a healthy foundation for good relationships.</li><li>If you have a challenging relationship focus on topping up the emotional bank account first.</li></ul>When the bank account is low you need to ask this fundamental question:‘Do I really care enough to put in the effort to maintain or improve this relationship?’

Manage the Emotional Bank Account

The status of your relationships can be viewed from two dimensions: <ul><li>Motivation: How motivated are you to maintain or improve this relationship?</li><li>Ability: How able are you to maintain or improve this relationship?</li></ul>

Successful Relationship Quadrant

Most healthy relationships go through cycles between Mutual Satisfaction and Frustration from time to time, which is all perfectly fine as long as you keep learning and improving your understanding of each other and don’t get stuck or set up camp in the Frustration zone.

Mutual Satisfaction and Frustration

In Desperation, the oxygen in the relationship is running out and typically people are ill-equipped to breathe life back in again, on their own. Desperation is toxic. Differences are misunderstood, needs are mostly unmet, and the likely experience is one of tension, frequent conflicts and an unending cycle of unmet expectations followed by disappointment, followed by negative reactions on either side, causing the relationship to spiral downwards.

Desperation

The Isolation quadrant is a place where no one wins. People ‘check out’ physically and/or mentally. They leave companies. They leave families. They leave friendships.

Isolation 

<ul><li>Commitment to ongoing efforts in building your understanding of each other.</li><li>Being more understanding in your responses.</li><li>Choosing to act and show appreciation in meaningful, specific ways.</li></ul>

The Heart of Successful Relationships

Successful relationships take work and wisdom. TEDx speakers, Jon and Andrea Taylor-Cummings share the four habits demonstrated by every successful relationship. By learning the principles and techniques that underpin these 4 habits, we can all change our behaviours from habits that damage relationships to habits that strengthen them, on purpose.

The 4 Habits of All Successful Relationships

Gaslighting is a form of abuse. It is using manipulation, deceit, and coercion to get another person to question their own feelings, perception of reality, or intelligence. A person may use gaslighting to persuade someone to stay in an unhealthy relationship, where one party is dependent on another, such as a romantic partner, a relative, a boss or coworker, or an acquaintance.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a way to make yourself feel better by directing the conversation away from you and onto the other person's character, skills, or reality. At first, gaslighting in a relationship can cause you to feel isolated, with injured self-esteem, insecure attachment and doubt about your ability to think clearly. But the effects of gaslighting can become worse if it becomes regular.

Gaslighting is a learned behaviour

Gaslighting comes in three stages: <ul><li>Disbelief: You question how the other person can say such unbelievable things.</li><li>Defence: You are always defending yourself, thinking about what you said and who is right or wrong.</li><li>Depression: When you've been gaslighted over a long time, you feel more isolated and don't want to talk about your relationship or anything that might start gaslighting.</li></ul>

How to recognise gaslighting

<ul><li>You regularly second-guess yourself.</li><li>You keep on asking if you're too sensitive.</li><li>You often feel confused at work.</li><li>You're always apologising.</li><li>You can't understand why you're not happier.</li><li>You make excuses for your partner's behaviour.</li><li>You keep information from friends and family so that you don't have to explain your partner's behaviour.</li><li>You know something is wrong, even if you can't express it.</li><li>You have trouble making simple decisions.</li><li>You feel you can't do anything right.</li><li>You feel hopeless.</li></ul>

Signs of possible gaslighting

At first, try to get an outside opinion. If gaslighting becomes regular, you should seek professional help. You can also address your partner's gaslighting with them if you're ready to demand change or walk away from the relationship. For example, you may say that you've noticed a destructive pattern that you're no longer willing to be a part of. Mention that you need to figure out a way together to break the unhealthy behaviour or seek professional help.

How to stop the gaslighting

Gaslighting is an act of psychological manipulation that can degrade self-esteem and even lead to serious health issues, including depression—here's how to recognize and stop it, according to mental health pros.

Why Is Everyone Talking About 'Gaslighting'? Here's What It Means and How to Spot It

..are one the most used keyboard features, with more than five billion of them used every day on social media.
The most popular one on Facebook and Twitter is the laughing yellow face with tears of joy, while Instagram has the heart emoji as the most used one.

The Emojis On Our Phones

<ul>
<li>In 1999, a simple pictogram listing of 176 icons was invented by a Japanese interface designer, Shigetaka Kurita, for a phone company. The pictograms became a huge hit in Japan, prompting their use across the world.</li>
<li>The universal body overseeing emojis, the Unicode Consortium has listed over 3000 official emojis, which are in use today. It has been setting the global standard for symbols, characters, and later emojis, since 1991.</li>
</ul>

A Brief History Of Emojis

We send billions of emojis per day, on social media and our phones. The number of emojis available for use has skyrocketed over the past decade, coming up to more than 3000 this year. Learn about the history of these tiny pictograms and what's yet to come in this article.

Communication

The history of the 5 billion emojis used every single day

The way to reach success is to make people around you successful. To help others succeed, you have to be good at listening.
Listening is about hearing what the other person is saying. It is thinking about how to help the other person achieve the best results by examining their words and asking thoughtful questions.

We achieve success by becoming good listeners

Most of us want to appear knowledgeable by sharing what we know. This can stop us from listening to the other person because we only consider our clever response.
When you really listen to the other person, you can form insightful questions that naturally continue the conversation. You'll feed on the person's response that will bring out their best thinking, and your questions will bring out your best thinking.

Your natural desire is to talk

When you think someone says something wrong or misguided, it's easy to disregard their input.
When you disagree, you will judge the other person and stop listening. Instead, hear them out. Maybe you are missing something or can inspire them to grow.

Judging others

If you have biases about someone, it can prevent you from listening to them. You may have more experience and think the other person has nothing to offer on the subject.
Engaging in listening means that you have to discard the filters you've built and focus on possible positive outcomes.

Having preconceptions and biases

Your ego will tell you that you're so smart and they are so intellectually inferior that you don't need to listen to this person.
Those who are most secure have the confidence to listen, regard, and value others.

Your ego gets in the way

Our brains are unable to receive many sources of information simultaneously—our brains process in series, not in parallel.
Listening to someone means you have to stop everything you're doing and focus.

Trying to multitask

It's easier to focus on the information you disagree with than the bit of truth they may have to share. Or you may think you already know what the person will say. This can cause you to shut off because you think you know what will come next.
Maybe the person will say something different. If you stop listening, you won't know.

Shutting people off

Listening to someone can be difficult. But the more you practice, the easier it becomes.
One reason for trying to be a great listener is to show respect to everyone, and the best way to respect someone is to truly listen to them. Most likely, they'll reciprocate by listening to you.

Understand the purpose of listening

6 reasons why you're a bad listener (and how to change it)

<ul>
<li>We are literally wired for music and even have a dedicated part of our brain, especially for processing music.</li>
<li>Listening to music and singing together directly impacts the neurochemicals of the brain and releases endorphins.</li>
<li>Singing together is an effective way to build social bonds, as there is something about music that makes it great for closeness or connections.</li>
</ul>

The Bond Created By Music

<ul>
<li>Large groups having a ‘social music’ experience lead to big changes related to closeness and bonding.</li>
<li>Music also releases dopamine, which regulates our mood and is a big reason music has been eternally popular.</li>
<li>Music, apart from being a common way to experience pleasure, also works in creating a sense of group identity, cementing its place in social gatherings and families.</li>
</ul>

Music Leads To Togetherness

According to new research, music helps synchronize our bodies and our brains.

How Music Bonds Us Together

They have inflated views of themselves (they think they are better than they actually are).
They make fantastic first impressions. But the stuff that works for narcissists so well in the short term proves lethal in the long term. In job interviews, narcissists get results, but after three weeks people regard narcissists as untrustworthy. They make awesome first dates, but relationship satisfaction with them shows a big decline after 4 months.

Narcissists

Narcissists lack empathy, they usually don’t work hard, and in a few weeks to a few months, they make the people around them miserable. And narcissism is very hard to change. So, if at all possible, just stay away.

Don't deal with them

Clinical psychologist Al Bernstein recommends you kiss up to them or at least keep your mouth shut until you can get out of there.
There’s this concept called “narcissistic injury.” Pointing out a narcissist isn’t all they think they are can be like pulling the pin on a grenade. A grenade you have to see every day of your life.

Kiss Up Or Shut Up

<a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0071608729/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0071608729&linkCode=as2&tag=spacforrent-20">Never extend credit to, or accept promises from, a narcissist</a>. As soon as they get what they want, they will be on to the next thing, forgetting whatever they said they would do for you.Make sure you get what they dangle in front of you before you give them what they want. Narcissists will rarely be offended by people looking out for themselves.

Get Payment Up Front

If narcissists believe something will hurt their reputation, they will think twice. Don’t tell them how people might react; instead, ask probing questions. Narcissists are much more likely to act on ideas that they think they thought up themselves.

“What Would People Think?”

We all have some narcissism in us. <a href="https://www.bakadesuyo.com/2015/09/power-of-empathy/">Empathy</a> for others is essential in overcoming it.
If you’re a hard-working narcissist, it may be bringing you enough rewards in the short term to feel like it’s a good idea for the long term. What do you do then? Redirect your narcissism. A lot of narcissists run charities. And they get lauded, praised and admired.

How To Overcome Narcissism

Before we commence with the festivities, I wanted to thank everyone for helping my first book become a Wall Street Journal bestseller. To check it out, click here. *** You must be tired of them. They're everywhere. Narcissists. And if you think there are more of them than ever, you're right.

How To Deal With A Narcissist: 5 Secrets Backed By Research - Barking Up The Wrong Tree

Many people avoid networking because it feels awkward and unnatural. Research shows that networking to gain career benefits can lead to feelings of dirtiness.
But cultivating an effective network offers substantial professional and personal benefits, such as finding new jobs, obtaining promotions and receiving pay raises. A strong network is also associated with innovation, creativity, health and happiness.

Networking can feel awkward

Turn the tables on your discomfort. Think of networking as an opportunity to give rather than to receive. Being a giver is the best strategy for building a valuable network that is saturated with reciprocity.
Even if you doubt you have something valuable to offer, you probably have more to offer than you realise.

Networking: The solution to moving past the moral discomfort

<ul>
<li>Ask questions. Instead of thinking of selling yourself, focus on the other person. Invite someone to share about themselves by asking open-ended questions.</li>
<li>Listen well. Give all your attention to your conversations, listen without interruption, and follow up with open and thoughtful questions.</li>
<li>Share experiences and perspectives. Fresh eyes or different perceptions are invaluable.</li>
<li>Send a thoughtful follow-up with an article, notice of an event, etc, that they might appreciate.</li>
</ul>

Cultivate an effective network

Your pursuit of professional and social connections doesn’t have to feel like dirty work. 


How to feel less icky about networking

The idea of being a good listener is almost a cliche. Yet, most of us are terrible at it.
Becoming a good listener is not that difficult if you know where to start and are willing to practice. If cultivated, the quality of your most important relationships will dramatically improve.

The ability to be a good listener

Our ability to solve problems is helpful in life, but it is the wrong thing to do in situations when people simply want to be heard, understood, and feel connected.
When someone is scared, angry, depressed, or just upset, they don't want to feel like something is wrong with them. When you give unsolicited advice to someone who is struggling, you make them feel like a problem. Give advice when someone asks for it, otherwise, hold off on your wisdom and instead focus on being present.

Focus on the person, not the problem

Being a good listener is not about getting the facts about what made them upset. It is to be supportive, offer encouragement, and empathize. Ask open-ended questions to communicate that you're interested in them. Avoid questions beginning with 'Why' and use 'What' or 'How' instead. Generic open-ended questions that work well are:
<ul>
<li>What was that like for you?</li>
<li>Can you tell me more about that?</li>
<li>How did you feel about that?</li>
<li>What was going through your mind?</li>
</ul>

Unsing open-ended questions

Paraphrase what the person has said back to you.
When we reflect back what another person is saying, we are making them feel heard and understood. When people feel genuinely heard, they feel connected.

Reflect on what you’re hearing

When we acknowledge and validate how someone feels, we send them the message that we understand them on a deeper level.
When we validate another person's emotion by naming it and acknowledging that we understand it, we give the other person the right to feel the way they do without shame or fear.

Validate the emotions of the other person

Defensiveness sabotages your ability to be a good listener. People become defensive when they feel threatened in a relationship.
The best way to avoid defensiveness and continue to listen well, even when you're upset, is to practice validating your own emotions. Say to yourself that it is okay that you feel angry or hurt. But, you get to decide how to act moving forward.

Validate your own emotions

5 practical tips from a professional psychologist for improving any relationship in your life by learning to become a better listener.

How to Be an Exceptionally Good Listener

The ability to let others talk and not interrupt them is a skill that you must practice on a daily basis. This allows us to see more of the other person rather than ourselves.
Back in the 1990s, a woman naming Betty Bigombe was able to befriend a warlord by providing an opportunity for them to share their views. Betty Bigombe became Uganda's Woman of the Year for having initiated the peace talks to put an end to the violence between Kony and the Ugandan president and its people.

The Importance of Listening

When other people come to us and say that they have a problem, for most of us, the first instinct is to think about how to solve their problem instead of letting them solve it on their own. The desire to fix other's problems and offer answers instead of listening attentively to the other person is called the righting reflex.
People who open up want to feel empathy from the other person and to also not be judged for their situation. This makes them less anxious and defensive.

The Righting Reflex

"Many communicators try to make themselves look smart. Great listeners are more interested in making their audiences feel smart."

"Even the devil appreciates being listened to."

The story of how this politician won over a warlord contains a lesson that we could all learn from, says organizational psychologist Adam Grant.

Bite-sized knowledge
to upgrade
your career

Gabrielle G.
@gabg

How to Not Be Boring, According to a Psychologist Who Researches Boredom

The 4 Habits of All Successful Relationships

Why Is Everyone Talking About 'Gaslighting'? Here's What It Means and How to Spot It

The history of the 5 billion emojis used every single day

6 reasons why you're a bad listener (and how to change it)

Bite-sized knowledgeto upgradeyour career

Gabrielle G.@gabg

How to Not Be Boring, According to a Psychologist Who Researches Boredom

The 4 Habits of All Successful Relationships

Why Is Everyone Talking About 'Gaslighting'? Here's What It Means and How to Spot It

The history of the 5 billion emojis used every single day

6 reasons why you're a bad listener (and how to change it)

Bite-sized knowledge
to upgrade
your career

Gabrielle G.
@gabg