Focus on building Relationship Intelligence, not only Emotional Intelligence:

Relational Intelligence – our ability to connect, and stay connected, with the people around us.

Emotional Intelligence - awakening (or improving) our ability to handle our own emotions and how they impact the people around us.

This habit is all about developing our self-awareness (and other-awareness!) through understanding fundamental differences, learning to give each other ‘space and grace’ to shine in our own strengths, and overcoming the frustration of unmet expectations.

This one is all about self-management, building strong skills in managing conflict, learning to treat each other well no matter how heated the argument, and working toward genuine resolutions so that relationships are strengthened not damaged through conflict.

This habit is all about developing the social skills to build mutual trust and respect in relationships by clarifying values, having courageous conversations about things that really matter to us when necessary and overcoming the hurdles of mistrust and distance that can creep into relationships.

This one is all about learning to build great rapport, warmth and connection in relationships by consistently communicating appreciation and love in meaningful ways and overcoming the hurdle of feeling unvalued because of poor communication.

• Successful relationships are built upon a healthy emotional bank account.
• You need to be aware of the behaviours that make deposits or withdrawals from the bank account.
• When you have the balance right it creates a healthy foundation for good relationships.
• If you have a challenging relationship focus on topping up the emotional bank account first.

When the bank account is low you need to ask this fundamental question:

‘Do I really care enough to put in the effort to maintain or improve this relationship?’

The status of your relationships can be viewed from two dimensions:

• Motivation: How motivated are you to maintain or improve this relationship?
• Ability: How able are you to maintain or improve this relationship?

Most healthy relationships go through cycles between Mutual Satisfaction and Frustration from time to time, which is all perfectly fine as long as you keep learning and improving your understanding of each other and don’t get stuck or set up camp in the Frustration zone.

In Desperation, the oxygen in the relationship is running out and typically people are ill-equipped to breathe life back in again, on their own.

Desperation is toxic. Differences are misunderstood, needs are mostly unmet, and the likely experience is one of tension, frequent conflicts and an unending cycle of unmet expectations followed by disappointment, followed by negative reactions on either side, causing the relationship to spiral downwards.

The Isolation quadrant is a place where no one wins. People ‘check out’ physically and/or mentally. They leave companies. They leave families. They leave friendships.

• Commitment to ongoing efforts in building your understanding of each other.
• Being more understanding in your responses.
• Choosing to act and show appreciation in meaningful, specific ways.