First things first, you have to let go of how you thought things were “supposed” to go. This is key to learning to let things go. Holding onto “could’ve” “should’ve” and “would’ve” is really not beneficial to you at all.

Let go of "How it was supposed to go"

Instead of dwelling on the past, focus on what you want right now. The past is irrelevant. What matters is the now. Do what you want now – what brings you pleasure, what fulfills your desires, what brings you closer to your goal. If you don’t know how to let go, you don’t know how to live your best life.

Living your best life in the moment

Before you completely move forward from your past, see what you can learn from it. There are always lessons to be learned from the things that happen to us in life. Instead of looking back at the past and just moping about it, look at it objectively. Ask yourself, “What did I learn from this situation and how have I become stronger?” This will give you insights into how the situation actually happened for you and made you stronger as a person. Writing down this information in a journal can help you slow down and process your thoughts, and this is a great tool for learning how to let go.

How to move forward: Analyze and ask

A good quote to illustrate this is from the movie World War Z, where Brad Pitt says “Movement is life,” and leaves the apartment where he is hidden from zombies, even if he's encouraged to stay hidden inside. He is able to escape while the group that stayed behind doesn't make it.Of course, that scenario is extreme, but the same is true for us. Movement is life. We have to keep going, we have to be willing to take a risk and take the next step.

How to move forward: Move physically and mentally

Letting go is an essential part of learning to move forward in life.

Stop living in the past – it’s keeping you from living your best life. Here are our tips for how to let go of the past and keep moving forward.

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

mindfulness

Mindfulness

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

How to Let Go of the Past and Keep Moving Forward

How to Let Go of the Past and Move Forward

Inaction is just as irrevocable as action.

Instead of thinking about only the next decision you will make, think about all of the decisions you are going to make about the same options in the future.

The right action can produce a bad outcome. Process is all we have control over, not results.

When you are hiring, scouting houses to buy, options to consider — when should you stop looking?You stop looking too early, you don’t know if someone better isn’t going to come along. You stop too late, you might have passed on the best candidate already.Mathematically — you should stop looking after evaluating 37% of all the options you’re willing to look at. After the 37% option — if anything/anyone comes along who is better than everyone else before you should make the decision.

Optimal Stopping

When should you be exploring new options and when should you start settling for the best option you already know? Consider these concepts: <ul><li>Regret Minimisation Framework: When you look back on your life when you’re 80, what will you regret least?</li><li>Exploring: In decision making, we consider the single highest pay-off on our single decision, but in the long term, it’s way more efficient to first explore your options, before exploiting the highest pay-off decision.</li><li>Ageing: Deepest insight about later life is that you can exploit knowledge acquired over decades — life should get better over time.</li></ul>

Explore vs Exploit

Sorting is one of the most fundamental problems that computers are solving for us<ul><li>Bubble sort + Insertion sort: when you put the book in alphabetically against a shelf of books, there is a billion different permutations and options</li><li>Mergesort: when you compare two sets against each other and sort each time, then compare them against the next set</li><li>Bucketsort: putting things into buckets/classifying</li><li>Single elimination: all it tells you is the 1st place, but all other places in the ranking are not truly representative</li><li>Round robin: gives you full information, but also requires the most effort.</li></ul>

Sorting

Is a crucial part of computers, human memory, as well as organizing data or your papers on your desk.<ul><li>Random eviction: is not half bad, as the most important things keep getting back in</li><li>First In, First Out (FIFO): it’s essentially a queue kicking the oldest things out of the memory</li><li>Least Recently Used (LRU): evicting the item that’s gone the longest untouched (so technically a pile of papers on your desk, is an efficient way of organizing paper if you put the latest always on top)</li></ul>Ideally, you have a couple of different caches which are organized by category, so you shorten the path of access and <warningtag>don’t have to wade through all information every time.</warningtag>

Caching / Forgetting

The human mind does not run out of space, storage is unlimited, but the problem is one of organization. We have an infinite capacity for memories, but we have only a finite amount of time in which to search for them.Researchers showed that by accumulating more knowledge, we’re getting slower at accessing it. We’re not forgetting, we’re remembering — we’re becoming archives — which need organization and are hard to access.

The Human Mind

Seizing the day and seizing a lifetime are two entirely different endeavors.When balancing favorite experiences and new ones, nothing matters more than the interval over which we plan to enjoy them. The interval makes the strategy.By observing the strategy we can also infer the interval.

Seize The Interval

Scheduling is a fundamental productivity problem.School of thoughts:<ul><li>Getting Things Done: immediately do any task of two minutes or less once it comes to mind</li><li>Eat that Frog: beginning with the most difficult task</li><li>The Now Habit: first scheduling social and leisure time then work</li><li>Wait: deliberately not doing things right away.</li></ul>

Scheduling

Too much information, options, and research are harmful. There is wisdom in deliberately thinking less and settling for second-best solutions.

Overfitting

A fascinating exploration of how insights from computer algorithms can be applied to our everyday lives, helping to solve common decision-making problems and illuminate the workings of the human mind All our lives are constrained by limited space and time, limits that give rise to a particular set of problems. What should we do, or leave undone, in a day or a lifetime? How much messiness should we accept? What balance of new activities and familiar favorites is the most fulfilling? These may seem like uniquely human quandaries, but they are not: computers, too, face the same constraints, so computer scientists have been grappling with their version of such issues for decades. And the solutions they've found have much to teach us. In a dazzlingly interdisciplinary work, acclaimed author Brian Christian and cognitive scientist Tom Griffiths show how the algorithms used by computers can also untangle very human questions. They explain how to have better hunches and when to leave things to chance, how to deal with overwhelming choices and how best to connect with others. From finding a spouse to finding a parking spot, from organizing one's inbox to understanding the workings of memory, Algorithms to Live By transforms the wisdom of computer science into strategies for human living.

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

problemsolving

Problem Solving

books

Books

computerscience

Computer Science

leadershipandmanagement

Leadership & Management

Algorithms to Live By

Business leaders find initiating and navigating difficult conversations a common challenge. Regardless of different communication styles, leaders can use a five-step process to improve communication by combining kindness and candour.

Initiate and navigate difficult conversations

Gary Vaynerchuk's natural tendency is to lead with trust: He is confident to give trust instead of having it earned. That comes with giving people the benefit of the doubt, and it connects and grows trust. However, there is a difference between giving people the benefit of the doubt and making excuses for them.

Acknowledge your default position

When you exclude kindness and candour, you risk damaging your company culture. If you are too upfront, you could appear as a mean-spirited bully, and if you are too kind, you can be viewed as a push-over. Gary says that he had to address his lack of candour. He was using his desire to be kind as an excuse to avoid difficult conversations. Avoiding the issue could send the wrong message.

Understand the impact of your behaviour

Your beliefs shape how you approach kindness and candour. Gary believed that everyone was doing their best and nobody would try to manipulate a situation to their advantage. Kindness in the workplace creates a safer environment, but it can't replace addressing performance issues and workplace conflict.

Explore your underlying beliefs

Paying attention to how we communicate and how other's respond to us can help us learn where we need to improve. When we take responsibility for our behaviour when we've made a mistake, we show that we are accountable. It allows others to trust us, provided that we take steps to change our behaviour.

Take responsibility for your approach

Kindness and candour don't have to be in an antagonistic relationship. You can combine them. Practising a new way of communicating will not always be perfect. Finding a good balance between kindness and candour will take time and is where you will find the magic.

Find your balance

Combining kindness and candour can help to be an even more effective communicator.

How to combine kindness and candor to be an even more effective communicator.

communication

Communication

Gary Vaynerchuk on the Power of Kind Candor

At its core, empowerment is about giving employees control over how they carry out their roles.
<ul>
<li>It's not uncommon for businesses to require employees to complete processes that have been developed exclusively by their managers. When that’s the culture, that is not an environment of empowerment.</li>
<li>When companies empower employees, there’s suddenly a fresh voice in refining systems and optimizing outcomes, and the focus of management moves from overseeing tasks to defining goals and staying focused on results.</li>
</ul>

The essence of empowerment

In the course of a busines shifting to a more employee-empowered structure, communication is critical, including leaders sharing with employees ample information about the goals they are pursuing, as well as expecting that employees will share more feedback and solicit more advice.
This requires a higher level of transparency from leaders than they might be accustomed to, but it will help give them additional awareness of how projects are proceeding.

Empowerment: The required steps

Being self-directed isn’t for everyone; if employees simply don’t want to be, or haven’t spent significant time training to be self-directed, success won’t be easy.

When empowerment goes wrong

<ul>
<li>Empowerment must be balanced with accountability; as employees are given more power to control how they work, they need to be given more responsibility for the output.</li>
<li>When goals are clearly articulated and feedback regularly provided, it’s easier to gauge if employees have the understanding and resources that they need to hit their goals.</li>
<li>It’s not wise to simply ignore a problem, certainly, but if you are committed to building a culture of empowerment, you can’t solve every issue.</li>
</ul>

Balancing with accountability

Employee empowerment can be a powerful tool for improving efficiency, innovation and employee retention, but it's just half of a winning team strategy.

corporateculture

Corporate Culture

Balancing Empowerment and Accountability Is Vital in Team Management

Many researches have proven that job stress could shave years off of our lives, therefore causing us to die younger than expected. 
The detrimental health impacts of pressure-filled professions are increasingly getting the attention of business leaders who are concerned with the welfare of their employees along with their productivity, because an employee's well-being is associated with firm performance.

Job Stress and Diminishing Health

Research shows that the top managers might face more health problems than their subordinates.
Taking executive positions takes a toll on their health often causing cardiovascular and immune-system illnesses. Studies showed that the likelihood of a death for upper management was 1.4 times that of lower-level employees.

Riskier for Top Managers

Work-related management pressures vary from company to company.
In order to mitigate work-related stress, additional research is needed to determine the degree and impact of stress on various white-collar workers.

Job Stress Varies From Industry to Industry

A study of General Electric employees by Tom Nicholas shows how the stress of chasing professional success can shorten an executive's life.

mentalhealth

Mental Health

Dying to Lead: How Reaching the Top Can Kill You Sooner

The mind of a child is full of weird ideas, but when adulthood comes, it sets up cognitive filters inside the mind to block out strange ideas, letting only the conventional ones pass through.
The brilliant ideas don’t cross the ‘toll gate’ established inside us, and we need to adopt strategies to relax our cognitive filters and let those ideas come through.

Generate Brilliant Ideas

New ideas come to the surface level when we are calm and have an open mind. Most of the time we are not.Multitasking often fails because the mind cannot take more than one task at a time and resorts to task switching, juggling our cognitive abilities.

Getting Brilliant Ideas: No Distractions

<ol><li>Avoid prolonged activities that involve rule-following or analytical work, as it can entrap our brain.</li><li>Turn off the smartphone.</li><li>Do only one thing at a time.</li><li>Manage our distractions</li><li>Manage others expectations by setting clear boundaries for email, text messages and phone calls.</li></ol>

Getting Brilliant Ideas: Creating Space

A tight schedule never produces brilliant ideas, but ends up poisoning free-hand thinking.Set aside full days or weekends to do absolutely nothing, just keeping everything open-ended. The stressors are then removed and the mind is uncramped, ready to bend and stretch to make new connections and associations.Shower thoughts only happen when the mind is relaxed!

Getting Brilliant Ideas: Creating Time

<ul><li>The fear of failure and the stigma attached to failure limits our creative output. </li><li>Fresh ideas don’t need the fear of being wrong or being labelled as stupid. </li><li>Being wrong isn’t that bad either and makes a person humble, confident and self-assured.</li><li>Laugh off failure and admit your mistakes to get past the stigma. </li><li>To free up mind space, remove any distractions and give yourself plenty of time.</li></ul>

Getting Brilliant Ideas: The Fear Of Failure

Theoretical physicist Leonard Mlodinow offers three strategies for relaxing your cognitive filters to give your brilliant ideas time to shine in the spotlight of the conscious mind.

health

Health

creativity

Creativity

Generate brilliant ideas by relaxing your cognitive filters

Leadership theories try to explain how and why certain people become leaders. Some theories focus on leaders' characteristics, while others attempt to identify behaviours that people can adopt.
Previously, debates on the psychology of leadership suggested that these were inherent skills. However, recent theories propose that while certain traits may help natural leaders, experience and situational variables also play a vital role.

Leadership Theories

According to this point of view, great leaders are born to lead with internal characteristics such as charisma, confidence, intelligence, and social skills.
Great man theories assume great leaders are born, not made. These theories suggest people cannot learn how to become strong leaders.

The "Great Man" Theories

Trait theories assume people inherit certain qualities and traits that make them better suited to leadership. Traits include extroversion, self-confidence, and courage.
However, some people possess these traits but are not leaders, nor do they explore leadership positions. There are also effective leaders who lack some of the key traits associated with leadership.

Trait Theories

This theory focuses on particular variables related to the environment that determine the specific style of leadership.
Leadership researchers White and Hodgson suggest that truly effective leadership is about finding a balance between behaviours, needs, and context. Good leaders can assess the needs of the followers, read the situation, and adapt their behaviours accordingly.

Contingency Theories

The theory suggests that leaders choose the best course of action based upon situational variables. Different leadership styles may be more appropriate for certain types of decision-making.
For instance, a more knowledgeable and experienced group member may use an authoritarian leadership style, while a group with skilled experts may use a democratic style.

Situational Theories

The theory is based on the belief that great leaders are made, not born. People can learn to become leaders through teaching and observation.
This leadership theory centres on the actions of leaders, not on mental qualities or internal states.

Behavioural Theories

This theory suggests that the ideal leadership style considers the input of others.
These leaders encourage participation and contributions from group members and help them feel more connected and committed to the decision-making process.

Participative Theories

Also known as transactional theories, these theories focus on the role of supervision, organisation, and group performance.
The leadership theory is based on a system of rewards and punishments, where employees are rewarded when they are successful but reprimanded when they fail.

Management Theories

Known as transformational theories, these theories focus on the connections formed between leaders and followers.
Transformational leaders motivate and inspire people. They help the group members to see the value of the task. They also want every person to fulfil their potential.

Relationship Theories

Why do certain people become great leaders? Leadership theories seek to answer this question and usually fit into one of eight basic types.

teamwork

Teamwork

Why Do Some People Become Great Leaders?

Charisma is the ability to convince followers that you can influence other members of a broader group to cooperate.
In tough times, people want leaders who can make a compelling pitch and inspire a sense of urgency - someone with charisma.

People prefer leaders with charisma

<ul>
<li>One study showed that charisma helps leaders when data is lacking or ambiguous.</li>
<li>Another study found that a bit of mystery may boost charisma: When a leader's success was attributed to unclear factors rather than effort, he was rated as more charismatic.</li>
<li>Factors like height influence charisma.</li>
<li>Quick answers to general knowledge questions were considered charismatic by friends.</li>
<li>Charisma can be taught. Learning tactics such as using metaphors and gestures can improve charisma.</li>
</ul>

Characteristics of a leader with charisma

How to Bend People to Your Will

<ul><li>Teacher: being a role model, provides information, and understands what the mentee needs.</li><li>Sponsor: helping the mentee with opportunities and promotes the mentee's skills to others.</li><li>Cheerleader: serves as a motivation and challenge at the same time to help the mentee improve.</li><li>Counselor: listening, clarifying, and giving the mentee advice.</li><li>Friend: engaging in more than a professional relationship to support the mentee in his personal and professional growth.</li></ul>

Roles of a Mentor

The 5 Key Roles Business Mentors play in a mentoring relationship.

career

Career

marketingandsales

Marketing & Sales

5 Key Roles Mentors Play

We can't have it all and do it all by ourselves. Building a supportive community across work colleagues and your personal life creates a balance to enable you to handle challenges and do more.
Model behaviors that encourage balance, and talk openly about what balance looks like. It means spending extra effort to deliver on a deadline can be balanced with flexibility and personal time. It means balancing business growth with a focus on career growth for individuals. And, it means proving employees with the tools and permission to find their right balance.

Build a supportive community

When you are in balance, you're always ready to shift and adapt.
This ability to be flexible is critical to successfully navigating leadership challenges.

Being ready to pivot

People who are hesitant to pursue a new role or challenge should focus on building up a capacity for risk.
Start with small risks, such as volunteering to lead a meeting, giving a presentation, taking on an assignment that will stretch your abilities, or leading a team initiative. This will gradually build your confidence and capability essential for career growth.

Build your risk tolerance

The opportunities you want don't always appear by themselves. Your boss will also not know what you want unless you tell them.
It is important to define what you want and then communicate it; otherwise, you risk getting stuck and limiting your opportunities for career growth.

Speak up for what you want

Hoping to get to management or the C-Suite one day? This software exec who’s worked for Microsoft and Adobe shares her journey and four top tips.


How to Let Go of the Past and Keep Moving Forward

Algorithms to Live By

Gary Vaynerchuk on the Power of Kind Candor

Balancing Empowerment and Accountability Is Vital in Team Management

Dying to Lead: How Reaching the Top Can Kill You Sooner

Leilani