Imitation is natural to man from childhood, one of his advantages over the lower animals being this, that he is the most imitative creature in the world.

Wanting well, like thinking clearly, is not an ability we’re born with. It’s a freedom we have to earn. Due to one powerful yet little-known feature of human desire, that freedom is hard-won.People don’t choose objects of desire the way they choose to wear a coat in the winter. Instead of internal biological signals, we have a different kind of external signal that motivates these choices: models. Models are people or things that show us what is worth wanting. It is models—not our “objective” analysis or central nervous system—that shape our desires.

The Manifestation Of Desire

Models are the gravitational centers around which our social lives turn.If you look hard enough, you will find a model (or a set of models) for almost everything—your personal style, the way you speak, the look and feel of your home. But the models that most of us overlook are models of desire. It’s deceivingly difficult to figure out why you bought certain things; it’s extraordinarily hard to understand why you strive toward certain achievements. So hard that few people dare to ask.

Models: The Real Source Of Desire

We don’t want things that are too easily possessed or that are readily within reach. Desire leads us beyond where we currently are. Models are like people standing a hundred yards up the road who can see something around the corner that we can’t yet see.So the way that a model describes something or suggests something to us makes all the difference. We never see the things we want directly; we see them indirectly, like refracted light. Who are your models at work? At home? Who are the people influencing your buying decisions, your career path, your politics?

Hidden Models—Romantic Lies, Infant Truth

Mimetic models(subconsious imitation) lie in wait every time we glance at our phone. The families of childhood friends post photos in which every day looks like a Christmas card, and Instagram models with bleached white teeth show us how they eat their nutritious breakfasts.The universe of desire is dotted with billions of stars that appear to shine brightest at the exact moment when we find it hardest to see.

Mimetic Models 

There’s something strange about our relationship to imitation. Humans possess advanced capabilities of imitation that allow us to create new things. Our ability to imitate in complex ways is why we have language, recipes, and music.We are generally fascinated with people who have a different relationship to desire, real or perceived. When people don’t seem to care what other people want or don’t want the same things, they seem otherworldly. They appear less affected by mimesis—anti-mimetic, even. And that’s fascinating because most of us aren’t.

The Capacity To Imitate

Rivalry is a function of proximity. When people are separated from us by enough time, space, money, or status, there is no way to compete seriously with them for the same opportunities.Celebristan external mediators of desire. They influence desire from outside of a person’s immediate world. From the perspective of their imitators, these models possess a special quality of being.Freshmanistan is the world of models who mediate desire from inside our world. There are no barriers preventing people from competing directly with one another for the same things.

Desire Is Subjective

One hundred years ago, there was a much wider gap in knowledge between someone who had a doctoral degree and someone who didn’t. Today, with the world’s information at nearly everyone’s fingertips, the knowledge gap between people with a great amount of formal education and those with less has narrowed.In fact, holding certain degrees, such as a PhD or an MBA, can count against you if you’re pursuing jobs at companies that view them as a sign of one’s complacency. We are witnessing an inversion of value.

The Cult Of Experts

What we commonly call “social media” is more than media—it’s mediation: thousands of people showing us what to want and colouring our perception of those things.Smartphones are like slot machines. Both work through the power of intermittent variable rewards—pulling the lever of a slot machine gives you a highly variable reward, which maximizes neurological addictiveness; your smartphone does the same thing every time you swipe down to refresh your Instagram feed, never knowing when something interesting might show up.

Social Mediation

Smartphones project the desires of billions of people to us through social media, Google searches, and restaurant and hotel reviews. The neurological addictiveness of smartphones is real; but our addiction to the desires of others, to which smartphones give us unfettered access, is the metaphysical threat.Mimetic desire is the real engine of social media. Social media is social mediation—and it now brings nearly all of our models inside our personal world.

Smartphones And Mimetic Desire

If someone’s primary objective is innovation for the sake of innovation, they usually end up in a mimetic rivalry with everyone in their field to compete primarily on the basis of originality.Being different for the sake of being different is the ethos behind shock-value art and academics whose salient feature is making outlandish claims to stand out from the pack.If we’re free from the burden of trying to be completely original, we can stop trying to make something out of nothing, and we can embrace influence instead of running away from it.

Innovation Imitation

Desire is a path-dependent process. The choices we make today affect the things we’ll want tomorrow. That’s why it’s important to map out, the best we can, the consequences of our actions on our future desires.Start by thinking seriously about what a positive cycle of desire might look like for you. Start with a core desire. It might be spending more time with your kids, having more leisure time, or writing a book. Then map out a system of desire that makes it easier to bring that core desire to fulfillment.

The Path Of Desire

We don’t rise to the level of our goals, we fall to the level of our systems. From the standpoint of desire, our goals are the product of our systems. We can’t want something that is outside the system of desire we occupy.The obsession with goal setting is misguided, even counterproductive. Setting goals isn’t bad. But when the focus is on how to set goals rather than how to choose them in the first place, goals can easily turn into instruments of self-flagellation.

Moving Goalposts

People set goals and make plans to arrive at a future point called “progress.” But will it be progress? How can we be so sure? Some goals—even good ones—overstay their welcome.But it’s worth asking where goals come from in the first place. Every goal is embedded within a system.Mimetic desire is the unwritten, unacknowledged system behind visible goals. The more we bring that system to light, the less likely it is that we’ll pick and pursue the wrong goals.

The Trend Of Goalsetting

The ultimate way to test desires—especially major life choices such as whether to marry someone or whether to quit your job and start a company—is to practice this same exercise but to do it while imagining yourself on your deathbed. Which choice leaves you more consoled? Which choice causes you more agitation? Death is very likely the single best invention of life. It is life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. The deathbed is where unfulfilling desires are exposed. Transport yourself there now rather than waiting until later, when it might be too late.

Test Your Desires: Imagine Your Deathbed

Discovering and developing thick desires protects against cheap mimetic desires—and ultimately leads to a more fulfilling life.Thick desires are like diamonds that have been formed deep beneath the surface, nearer to the core of the Earth. Thick desires are protected from the volatility of changing circumstances in our lives. Thin desires, on the other hand, are highly mimetic, contagious, and often shallow.

Thick Desires

Discernment is an essential skill because it’s a process for making decisions that includes but also transcends rational analysis. It’s critical for deciding which desires to pursue and which ones to leave behind.Desires are discerned, not decided. Discernment exists in the liminal space between what’s now and what’s next. Transcendent leaders create that space in their own lives, and in the lives of the people around them.

Discernment 

Silence is where we learn to be at peace with ourselves, where we learn the truth about who we are and what we want. If you’re not sure what you want, there’s no faster way to find out than to enter into complete silence for an extended period of time—not hours, but days.All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

The Art Of Sitting Quietly In A Room

It’s a sign of maturity to be able to hold on to two conflicting desires or two opposing ideas at the same time without immediately rejecting one or the other before there has been time for careful discernment. To live with desire is to live with tension.Wise people have said that it’s best to compare yourself only to who you were yesterday, not to who other people are today. That’s a good start for escaping the trap of comparison and measurement.

Two Opposite Thoughts In One Mind

Desire is a contract that you make with yourself to be unhappy until you get what you want

There is no person we encounter—not even in the most uninteresting interaction of our day—whom we do not help desire in one of these three ways. The changes are usually imperceptible. But like a giant flywheel, we are gently nudging other people’s desires in one or another direction.The transformation of desire happens when we become less concerned about the fulfilment of our own desires and more concerned about the fulfillment of others. We find, paradoxically, that it is the very pathway to fulfilling our own.

Live As If You Have a Responsibility For What Other People Want

A groundbreaking exploration of why we want what we want, and a toolkit for freeing ourselves from chasing unfulfilling desires. Gravity affects every aspect of our physical being, but there's a psychological force just as powerful - yet almost nobody has heard of it. It's responsible for bringing groups of people together and pulling them apart, making certain goals attractive to some and not to others, and fueling cycles of anxiety and conflict. According to French polymath René Girard, humans don't desire anything independently. Human desire is mimetic - we imitate what other people want. This affects the way we choose partners, friends, careers, clothes, and vacation destinations. Mimetic desire is responsible for the formation of our very identities. It explains the enduring relevancy of Shakespeare's plays, why Peter Thiel decided to be the first investor in Facebook, and why our world is growing more divided as it becomes more connected. Drawing on his experience as an entrepreneur, teacher, and student of classical philosophy and theology, Burgis shares tactics that help turn blind wanting into intentional wanting - not by trying to rid ourselves of desire, but by desiring differently. It's possible to be more in control of the things we want, to achieve more independence from trends and bubbles, and to find more meaning in our work and lives. The future will be shaped by our desires. Wanting shows us how to desire a better one.

Understand yourself and those around you.

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Psychology

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Books

leadershipandmanagement

Leadership & Management

A groundbreaking exploration of why we want what we want, and a toolkit for freeing ourselves from chasing unfulfilling desires. Humans don't desire anything independently. Human desire is mimetic - we imitate what other people want. This affects the way we choose partners, friends, careers, clothes and travel destinations. Mimetic desire is responsible for the formation of our very identities. It explains the enduring relevancy of Shakespeare's plays, why Peter Thiel decided to be the first investor in Facebook, and why our world is growing more divided as it becomes more connected. Drawing on his experience as an entrepreneur, teacher and student of classical philosophy, Luke Burgis shares tactics that help turn blind wanting into intentional wanting - to be more in control of the things we want, and to find more meaning in our work and lives.

Luke Burgis

Wanting

Remember, the customer service representative isn't personally responsible for the problem you're calling about. When you speak to a representative, establish that you don't blame them for the problem.

Separate the Person from The Problem

If you're met with a wall of business-sounding script from the representative, try to remind them that you're both humans. Use the representative's name when you talk to them. You can even mention what's around your surroundings to give them a brief glimpse into your life.Now that's two humans talking as opposed to a customer service representative and a person they have to deal with.

Show Vulnerability

It can be awkward to ask for what you want. One way to make the situation less of a tug-of-war and more of a collaboration: try using  "caretaking" statements, like "I appreciate you being patient with me as we figure this thing out."You're not losing focus on the problem at hand, but you're also signalling the work they're doing to help you. This kind of language can preemptively keep tension low so you and the representative can focus on problem-solving together.

Give Caretaking Statements

Calibrated questions are that give the customer service representative a chance to pause and take your perspective.You can ask, "what would you do in my situation?" or "I really wasn't expecting to wake up to this unexpected charge – what do you think I should do next?" This helps them collaborate with you instead of having a standoff.A quick way to lose trust? Asking for their manager. Instead, you want to have the representative advocate for you to their manager – and they can't do that if you're threatening to get them in trouble with their boss.

Calibrated Questions: Make Them Your Ally

<ul>
<li>Being stuck on an endless call-transfer loop from department to department can be frustrating. But don't lose your cool. You can show your annoyance without blowing up.</li>
<li>Remind the representative you're not angry with them personally, and say something like: I'm really frustrated. I just want to tell you what's been my experience so far!</li>
<li>It should go without saying – but remember to be nice! Lying or screaming isn't going to get you what you want.</li>
<li>You are trying to show empathy and get empathy in return. When you need to move somebody emotionally, then you can move what their decisions are.</li>
</ul>

Don't Lie – Be True to Who You Are, While Also Being Respectful

Asking to speak to the manager isn't going to get the results you want. In this episode, negotiation consultant Craig dos Santos gives tips on how to make a customer service representative your collaborator instead of your enemy.

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Personal Development

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Marketing & Sales

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Problem Solving

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Communication

How to talk to customer service – and actually get what you want : Life Kit

A 2020 fraud survey estimated that the total cost of company fraud in the US to be about $7 billion in a year. Many fraudsters use the internet as their primary mode of trade. Therefore, business owners should invest in better cybersecurity systems and programs to protect their companies from cybercrime.

Business fraud is a major threat

Fraudsters aim to find weak links and vulnerabilities in your business systems from where they can stage their attack. To strengthen your business from fraud, you need to know the methods that fraudsters use, which part of your security system to strengthen, and which tools to use to fend off scammers.

Monitor Fraudulent Activities

Scammers persuade businesses to give them sensitive information or make payments. Then they get access to unauthorised business email accounts, monitor the company's activities and impersonate the stakeholders. Scammers get hold of information through social engineering, phishing, social media stalking, account spoofing, malware attacks, billing systems, or online message traffic.

Business Email Compromise

Cybercriminals steal business information from companies' databases, for example, financial information, personal information, secret project blueprints, other classified information. Then they use this information to ask for ransom or sell it to competitors. Data fraud can also occur when malware attacks lock companies out of their own systems and are held at ransom.

Data fraud

Sometimes, employees steal cash or valuable data or use company assets for their benefit. This is considered the misappropriation of company assets.

Asset misappropriation and insider fraud

<ol><li>Establish a dual control security system for online banking. Also ensure you have at least two employees involved in every business transaction.</li><li>Enhance password securities.</li><li>Use multi-factor authentication.</li><li>Install proper firewall and security software to protect your emails and websites.</li><li>Monitor and evaluate your business activities. Review your accounts daily, set transaction limits, email alerts, and monitor employee logins.</li><li>Employee training on security awareness.</li><li>Invest in a comprehensive fraud risk management policy.</li><li>Ensure safe discarding of business documents.</li><li>Verify payment requests.</li></ol>

Protect your business from fraud

Business fraud is now a major threat to companies. In this post we describe best practices to protect your business from fraud.

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Technology & The Future

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Business

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Cybersecurity

Best Practices to Protect Your Business from Fraud – Business

Shep Hyken recently took a liking to a Chicago style hot dog. It's not a true Chicago hot dog unless it includes very specific ingredients. The street vendor in New York isn't serving a Chicago style hot dog. If that particular dog is what you really want, and you don't live in Chicago where this style of hot dog is the norm, you may drive a little further and spend a little more money to get it.

Uniqueness

You can buy a hot dog in many places around the world, but not all of them serve up the Chicago style hot dog. The street vendor in New York isn’t serving a Chicago style dog. Sure, there are places in cities outside of Chicago that will serve the authentic Chicago style dog. And, if that particular dog is what you really want, and you don’t live in Chicago where this style of hot dog is the norm, you may drive a little further and spend a little more money to get it. That’s what uniqueness does.

The Hot Dog We Love

So if a hot dog is a metaphor for business, what makes your dog different? This is your competitive differentiator. For example, there are lots of car dealers that sell the same make and model of the car you own. What one thing, perhaps unique compared to the other dealerships, did your dealership do to make you buy the car from them? It can be price, location, customer service, speed and any other feature or benefit that separates them from the other dealerships.

The Metaphor: Uniqueness as a Competitive advantage

The big uniqueness question is, “Why should a customer buy from you over your competition?” It is tied to what you do that is different. Give me one reason — or several. Is it quality, speed, price, customer service or any other feature that makes you unique in your market place? The answer is what gives you a competitive advantage worth exploiting.

The Big Question

I love a good hotdog. Since I was a little boy, I can remember my parents taking me to the ball game and having a delicious hot dog. I also remember some family barbecues where we had those fancy big…

Another Competitive Advantage: Uniqueness

The American Marketing Association defines Marketing as the activity, set of institutions, and processes for creating, communicating, delivering, and exchanging offerings that have value for customers, clients, partners, and society at large.Great definition, but marketing has changed. Some say it’s about lead generation, creating demand, building relationships, and engagement.

The definition of marketing has changed

It used to be that a good website was really a brochure on the internet. It was static, great color and maybe even a little animation made it stand out. If it was good, it might prompt a customer to pick up the phone or email an inquiry. But, today a good website is about offering up new content, sometimes daily (or even more often), in the form of articles, white papers, videos and even games. Customers can post comments and interact. It’s all about engagement with the customer. A good website can turn into something more than the customer just reading words and looking at pictures.

Websites best illustrate how marketing has changed

Create an amazing service experience that gets customers to not only come back, but to also share that experience with their friends, colleagues and family members. That may be the best form of marketing there is.But beyond the actual customer experience, the interaction and engagement that happens before the sale needs to be considered as part of the experience. It’s about engagement, interaction and relationship building… before the customer ever decides to spend any money with you.

The customer experience is your best marketing

What is marketing? A quick Google search on the word marketing reveals this from the American Marketing Association (And, they should know!): Marketing is the activity, set of institutions, and…

The Customer Experience Is Your Best Marketing

With today’s acute focus on the customer experience, the best companies are paying very close attention as they design the customer experience. They look for ways to improve the experience or avoid a mistake.&nbsp;Something as simple as putting the knob on the opposite wall of the showerhead, or at least turning the shower head toward the wall, is an example of a minor improvement that may go unnoticed until it later is.

It’s a Little Thing… But It Makes a Difference

Every week I stay at different hotels around the world as I travel for my speaking engagements. And, every morning I get up in these hotels and take a shower. I reach in to turn the knob for the…

So, does fine really mean fine? NO! Consider that the word fine is really an acronym that stands for:<ul><li>F: Faking a smile</li><li>I: Insincere response</li><li>N: Never coming back</li><li>E: Emotionless.</li></ul>In customer service, fine means okay at best — average, trite, mundane, and unimpressive.

“Fine” is the F-Bomb of Customer Service

Not long ago I was interviewing Kevin Berk, founder and CEO of ServiceGuru, on Amazing Business Radio. We were talking about the word fine. He commented that it is a four letter that begins with the…

Up to 96% of customers who have a complaint, don’t make the <a href="https://hyken.com/customer-care/dont-avoid-customer-complaints-manage-them/" target="_self">complaint</a>. They just don’t come back. So, fix the system. What other process can be created to ensure mistakes that draw complaints never happens again?How many processes in your business can, because of human error, cause a Moment of Misery? What complaints can be avoided by making a common-sense change? Are you losing business but gaining negative word-of-mouth advertising that you may be unaware of because of a breakdown in these processes? Think about these questions and come up with some answers.

Fix the system

My buddy went to dinner with his wife to celebrate their anniversary. The server overheard them talking about how many years they had been married and was flattered they chose to spend their special…

Complimentary Should Mean Free

Customers want to be trusted. After all, would you want to do business with a company that feels like they don’t trust you?You also want your customers to trust you enough to buy from you. So, don’t create friction by putting up barriers with a process that makes them feel like you don’t trust them. It will raise a red flag. It will make them feel uncomfortable, and as mentioned, even insulted.

Do You Trust Your Customers? Do Your Customers Trust You?

I just returned from Influence 2017, the annual conference put on by the National Speakers Association. My friend and one of the world’s authorities on trust, David Horsager was one of the amazing…

<ul><li>Forward-thinking companies know the value of spending time and money to train their employees in delivering a good customer service experience.</li><li>Businesses invest money in many areas including developing products, manufacturing, advertising, and so on, but some overlook the importance of investing in training their employees to provide good customer service.</li><li>Investing in customer service is an investment in employees. Taking the time to hire the right people and train them to deliver a good customer experience takes money, but just like any other business investment, it will pay off.</li></ul>

Customer Service Training Is an Investment That Pays Off

“Service is the most powerful competitive advantage we have. Service is not a cost; it is an investment. It’s a growth engine for our company.”

You may have heard the saying, “Customer service doesn’t cost. It pays.” Forward-thinking companies know the value of spending time and money to train their employees in delivering a good customer…

Wanting

How to talk to customer service – and actually get what you want : Life Kit

Best Practices to Protect Your Business from Fraud – Business

Another Competitive Advantage: Uniqueness

The Customer Experience Is Your Best Marketing

Ryan Ray