This Is How To Overcome Regret: 5 Secrets From Research - Barking Up The Wrong Tree

Boldness regrets sound like this: “If only I’d taken that risk…”

Inaction. Foregone opportunities. The chance we did not take. They are also common when it came to career. We play it safe. We didn’t jump on that new job opportunity or start our own business.

The old saying is accurate, “We regret most the things we did not do.”

You know the ones. You behave poorly, break the rules, lie, or betray. Moral regrets sound like: “If I’d only done the right thing…”

The lesson here? Do the right thing. Make the decision you will be proud of in the future, no matter how tempting the immediate alternative.

We let friendships die – or never give them the chance to bloom. This was the most common of the big four regrets. Connection regrets sound like this: “If only I’d reached out…”

It’s not hard to rekindle relationships at first. But often we wait too long. Feelings fade. People move on. And, eventually, people die. (Researchers have found this dramatically reduces how often they reply to your text messages.) If you do not reach out, there may never be another chance. The opportunity is lost forever. This is tragic. Terrifying.

First, can you undo what caused the regret? Can you reach out, make it right or apologize? If so, stop doom-scrolling through your mental regret list and take action. There’s often a way to press Control+Z on your existential keyboard.

But sometimes there isn’t a way to fix the past. (Regret or no regret, I am not retaking the SAT’s.) In that case, there are three steps for coping: disclose, reframe, and extract a lesson.

Here’s how to deal with regret:

Regret can be a good thing: A regret is a lesson you need to put into action to make yourself better. Your work is not yet finished, Daredevil.

Foundation regrets: Avoid them by doing the work.

Boldness regrets: Dodge them by taking that risk.

Moral regrets: Do the right thing, Spike Lee.

Connection regrets: Text them. Now.

How to cope: Can you undo it? If not: disclose, reframe, and extract a lesson.