K 's Key Ideas from 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do
by Amy Morin

The most impressive aspect of all this is that she is legally blind.

The key to her success lies in her refusal to indulge in self-pity. She’s always refused to identify her illness as a disability. Rather than dwelling on what her illness took away, she’s grateful for what it gave her.

In addition, research suggests that developing your gratitude capacity can strengthen you on many levels. In the first place, gratitude improves your physical well-being. A 2003 study found that grateful people suffer less from aches and pains.

When you see a colleague receive a promotion, feelings of envy may come to the surface. While this may be normal, feeling jealous of others’ success eventually leads to resentment, which can distract you from your path.

Instead, overcome your envy of other people’s success and learn how to use their success to your benefit. 

Let’s take the example of Milton Hershey. His employee, H.B. Reese, began building a rival candy company in the same city while still working in Hershey’s chocolate factory. Hershey, however, didn’t become angry or resentful. Instead, he gave Reese his full support and allowed Reese to use Hershey’s milk chocolate for his experiments. Throughout those experiments, Reese created a peanut buttercup surrounded by Hershey’s milk chocolate.

Instead of viewing each other’s company as competition, the two men celebrated their successes. They used one another’s power to their advantage. They supported their strengths, and in the end, they both built thriving businesses. The two men continued to collaborate throughout their lives, and after their death, the two companies finally merged. When people enjoy and celebrate success, they attract other successful people, creating opportunities for collaboration and continued success.

When you allow your boss to make you feel a certain way, you give them power over how you think, feel, or even behave. No one should have power over your feelings. You should change your daily vocabulary to recognize that the choices you make are yours.

Avoid phrases like “He made me mad,” or “I have to work late today.” One of the biggest factors in taking control of your feelings is forgiveness. When you hold on to anger and resentment, you allow others to limit your ability and disrupt your life. Therefore, it’s important to forgive others for their wrongdoings and focus back on yourself.

 Forgiveness is also psychologically beneficial, like gratitude. For instance, when people forgive others, their blood pressure decreases, and their hearts beat more calmly. Additionally, those who practice unconditional forgiveness are likely to live longer lives.

When you feel your life is out of control, take out a piece of paper, and draw a horizontal line through the middle. In the top section, write, “What I can’t control.” In the bottom section, write, “What I can control.” When populating the top section, remember you can’t control what has happened. However, you can control what you focus on, what things mean, and how you behave. After you’ve listed the things you can and can’t control, rip off the top section.

Many people feel haunted by their past and the legacy of their families. However, it’s possible to find constructive ways to move forward despite one’s origins.

Take activist and social worker Wynona Ward. Born in a small village in Vermont, she grew up with a sexually and physically abusive father. Ward didn’t tell anyone about this abuse but worked hard to get ahead in school and escape her hometown. She got married at 17-year-old and began working as a truck driver with her husband. But while she’d worked hard to free herself, others in her family struggled to do so.

E.g: Ward discovered that one of her brothers was now abusing his children.

She decided to went back to university in Vermont & study every moment of her free time. After significant hard work, she managed to get a law degree. With some financial aid, she founded Have Justice Will Travel, a traveling legal service for families in the countryside dealing with domestic abuse problems. Her actions show us a vital mindset of mentally strong people. Coming to terms with the past doesn’t mean acting as if certain things never happened. You must accept and forgive the past so that you can build on it.

Pleasing everyone can negatively impact mental strength. Suppose you worry too much about pleasing others. In that case, you should learn to make choices that align with your values and act accordingly, even if that means disappointing or upsetting others. When you accept you won’t please everyone, you become stronger and build courage when you anticipate displeasing others.

Mentally strong people don’t just pick themselves up and get back on their feet. Before that, they take a moment to find out why they fell off.

When you own and study your mistakes, you’re less likely to slide back into your old ways. Experience less resistance to owning and studying a mistake you’ve made by imagining it was performed by someone else. Identify the factors that led to the mistake: thoughts, behaviors, and external factors. Then, write an alternative action for the next time those thoughts, behaviors, and external factors arise.

It’s not as if some people have more willpower than others. It’s just that some people are willing to adapt while others aren’t.

Judge Greg Mathis is an excellent example of a mentally strong person. Arrested several times as a teenager, he promised his dying mother he would change. After being released from jail on probation, he started working at McDonald’s and eventually got accepted to Eastern Michigan University, and later, law school. However, due to his record as a criminal, he was barred from working as a lawyer.

It would have been easy to let this obstacle from the past stand in his way. But Mathis was always ready for change, even when it seemed improbable. He quickly found other ways to serve the city of Detroit.

After a period as the Detroit Neighborhood City Halls manager, he and his wife founded a nonprofit organization. This organization helped young people find work. A few years later, he was elected a judge by the people of Detroit.

Mathis’ success is a testament to mentally strong people’s characteristics: embracing change in your life. 

But how can you embrace change?

The first step is to ask yourself which change you’d like to execute in your life. Think carefully about how this change would make you feel. Pay special attention to negative feelings and thoughts. Once you’ve learned to ignore these types of thoughts, you can create a plan for successful change. 

It consists of five steps:

1. Set yourself a 30-day goal.
2. Decide on concrete, daily changes in your behavior to help you reach that goal.
3. Create a list of anticipated hurdles along the way.
4. Create accountability.
5. Measure progress.

Be more mindful of your feelings around change and use the five steps to prepare for change. In doing so, you’ll be on your way toward your goals.

Don’t be too afraid about what you’re going to do. Every moment of your life is an experiment. The more you experiment, the better.

Many people fear taking risks. You must consider life decisions and assess risks carefully. Therefore, it’s essential to learn how to minimize risks and determine which risks are worth the benefits. Calculate risks by asking yourself: “What are the potential costs?”, “What are the potential benefits?”, “How will this affect my goals?”, “What are the alternatives?”, “What is the best thing and the worst thing that can happen?”, ...

 “How much will this matter in five years?” If you write the answers to these questions, you can review and scrutinize them. Later, this will help you calculate the risks and reach a decision.

Taking risks and stepping outside your comfort zone makes you stronger. Perhaps those risks aren’t as scary as you once imagined. Additionally, begin to practice taking risks and facing your fears. Open yourself up to new opportunities and start facing your fears.

Many people experience significant fear of failure. Many will avoid failure at all costs, so they fear taking risks. However, almost every success story begins with a long road of failure and perseverance. Simply put, those who succeed view their failures as stepping stones for improvement. Failure is simply a part of becoming a success and is a sign you are being challenged.

You are likely surrounded by noise most days. Many seek to maintain those noise levels by turning on the television. They aim to fill those uncomfortable silences, but when you fill your life with noise, you miss a powerful opportunity.

Research shows that spending time alone and quietly results in renewal, rejuvenation, inspiration, and reflection. Avoid drowning your thoughts with technology or sounds. Instead, build your mental strength by designating ten minutes each day to be with your emotions. During these ten minutes, you can think about your life goals and determine if you are on track to achieve them. You can also use the opportunity to think about new goals or dreams. Adopt visualization techniques to imagine the life you want. Don’t forget these thoughts by writing them all down in a journal.

You can even take your mindfulness a step further and turn to meditation to become comfortable in silence. Studies have shown that meditation positively alters the brain’s structure by regulating cognition and emotion. Even more, meditation has been proven to positively affect those who struggle with breathing difficulties, tumors, insomnia, chronic pain, and cardiovascular diseases.

A 1972 study looked at whether people succeeded in their New Year’s resolutions. They found that 25 percent of participants had abandoned their resolutions after 15 weeks. In a similar 1989 study, that number had gone down to only one week.

The underlying issue is that our goals and expectations are unrealistic.

Here are a few simple rules to help you set realistic goals:

• Don’t think that change is easy. Accept from the start that reaching your goal will be tough. You’ll have a greater chance of succeeding if you simply accept it’s going to be tough.
• Don’t create a fixed deadline to reach your goal. It’s healthy to have an approximate idea of when you would like to get your result, but don’t make it an all-or-nothing situation.
• Finally, don’t anticipate that achieving your goal will suddenly make your life wonderful.

Sometimes improvements are well-hidden, and occasionally, they even look like steps backward. For example, the author once worked with parents of young children, teaching them how to manage tantrums. The standard advice was to studiously ignore the kids when they threw themselves on the ground and started howling and kicking.

Many parents initially complained. They said the tantrums were getting worse, as the children were screaming louder, making more of a fuss. But if the parents persisted in ignoring them, the tantrums inevitably improved.

This example shows that it’s important to be patient, stick to your goal, and keep working at it. You must maintain these actions even when you do not appreciate any progress at a given moment.