Esther Perel's Blog - Relationship Stress at a High? Try Spending Time With Friends
Curated from: estherperel.com
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Our Expectations of Our Partners Have Never Been so High
- We still want everything the traditional family was meant to provide-security, children, property, and respectability-but now we also want our partner to love us, desire us, and be interested in us.
- Where did we get this idea that one person is supposed to provide every facet of emotional connection available to man?
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Diversifying Our Relationship Portfolio
- If we want to make a meaningful and long-lasting improvement, we have to diversify our relationship portfolio
- We don't need to be in a relationship to have relationships. We've had them the whole time.
- Expanding our intimate connections does not automatically mean we're siphoning the emotional energy out of our primary relationship.
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Spending Time with Friends is a Balancing Act
People who have a specialized social network tend to feel more fulfilled in their lives than people who look to one person to do it all.
Healthy friendships are never one-sided utilitarian relationships. Ask yourself:
When you're in a romantic relationship, do you tend to only reach out when you're fighting with your partner?
Do you put added pressure on a friend to fulfill boyfriend/girlfriend duties so that you don’t have to be alone?
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Take A Break
- Having a break in a friendship is sometimes the most important aspect of actually creating growth later on.
- Sometimes reconnecting can start by simply asking: "I've really missed you."
- In romantic relationships, desire needs mystery. In platonic relationships, absence makes the heart grow fonder.
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