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Julius Henry "Groucho" Marx (1890 – 1977) was an American comedian, actor, writer, stage, film, radio, television star and vaudeville performer. He is generally considered to have been a master of quick wit and one of America's greatest comedians.
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“If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”
-Groucho Marx
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“If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.”
-Groucho Marx
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“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
-Groucho Marx
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“I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.”
-Groucho Marx
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“Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.”
-Groucho Marx
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“There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says "yes" you know he is a crook.”
-Groucho Marx
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“Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.”
-Groucho Marx
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“When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.”
-Groucho Marx
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“While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.”
-Groucho Marx
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“Be open minded, but not so open minded that your brains fall out.”
-Groucho Marx
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“Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.”
-Groucho Marx
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