1. Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just couldn’t put it down.
2. Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na.
3. What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of helium? “HeHe.”
4. A proton and a neutron are walking down the street. The proton says, “Wait, I dropped an electron. Help me look for it.” The neutron says “Are you sure?” The proton replies, “I’m positive.”
5. Why couldn’t Sulfur, Argon, Calcium, and Samarium ever tell it straight? Because, SArCaSm.
6. What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium.
7. What’s a sign of a bad chemistry joke? No reaction.

8. Hey, want to hear a joke about potassium? …K.h

9. Why are atoms not considered trustworthy? They make up everything.

10.:Why do chemists find it easy to work with ammonia? It’s pretty basic.

11. What do you say when someone throws sodium chloride at you? “That’s a salt.”

12. Why shouldn’t you drink water while studying? It decreases your concentration!

13. Why did Avogadro love golf? He always got a mole in one!

14. What do you call an acid with attitude? A-mean-o-acid.

15. How often does a chemist need coffee? They need caffeine periodically.

16. How do you insult someone who’s good looking? You’re so basic, you’re a 10 on the pH scale.

17. What do you say when you run out of chemistry jokes? “I should zinc of new ones.”

18. What did their friends say when they found out oxygen and magnesium were dating? “O-Mg.”

19. What did one acid say to the other? “You’re overreacting.”

20. What did the cat say after drinking methanol? “MeOH MeOH.”

21. Why was the DJ called DJ Enzyme? He was always breaking it down.

22. Are you full of beryllium, gold, and titanium? Because you are BeAuTi-Full.

23. What did the atom say at the electron sale? “One cation’s trash is another anion’s treasure.”

24. What did the chemist say when there was an explosion in the lab? “Oxidants happen.”

25. Why do chemists like nitratesso much? They are cheaper than day rates.

26. Old chemists never die. Why? They just stop reacting.

27. Why is organic chemistry so hard? The subject has alkynes of trouble.

28. What did one charged atom say to the other? “I got my ion you.”

29. What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder? “You may have graduated, but I’ve got many degrees.”

30. Why should you go drinking with neutrons? Because wherever they go, there’s no charge!

31. Why do Florium, Uranium, and Nitrogen always have such a blast? Because they’re FUN.

32. What happened when carbon and hydrogen went on a date? They really bonded.

33. Why does a hamburger have less energy than a steak? Because it’s in the ground state!

34. What do you call a clown in jail? A silicon!

35. Want to hear a joke about nitrogen oxide? NO!

36. Chemists are so happy in the lab because they’re in their element.

37. Titanium is an amorous metal. When it gets hot, it will combine with anything!

38. What do the other elements say about hydrogen? “He’s such a loner!”

39. What is HIJKLMNO? H2O!

40. What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium.

41. What do chemists call a benzene ring where the carbon atoms are replaced with iron atoms? A ferrous wheel.

42. Why did the white bear dissolve in water? Because it was polar!

43. What element derives from a Norse god? Thorium.