Keep reading for FREE
Many of our modern values (success, positivity, greatness etc) can actually make us more insecure & miserable. The way to be happy and fulfilled, Manson says, is to not give a f*ck about everything we’re told to care about.
Instead, get clear on what truly matters, focus your choices on those few priorities, and accept that in spite of that, you’ll still make stupid mistakes and suffer occasionally.
He takes on the traditional self-help books, claiming that they reinforce the idea within you that you are not good at something, which leads to a “feedback loop from hell”.
Here’s a paradox: the more you pursue the positives, the more negative you’ll feel. Those who desperately want to be rich, worthy or happy will only end up feeling poorer, more unworthy or unhappy. On the other hand, the more you accept the negatives in your life, the better you’ll feel.
We’re surrounded by so many messages about being positive that we tend to feel bad for feeling bad. Manson calls this the “feedback loop from hell”. A false positive desire turns into a negative thought or emotion. This thought or emotion then triggers a chain reaction of other negative thoughts and emotions.
To break the cycle of negativity:
Self-awareness is like an onion, with many layers that can be peeled back to reveal deeper insights about us:
Disappointment Panda is a fictional bear who has the superpower of telling people the harsh truth about themselves. Manson uses Disappointment Panda to represent the part of ourselves that is afraid of failure, rejection, and disappointment.
"Disappointment Panda would be the hero that none of us would want but all of us would need. He'd be the proverbial vegetables to our mental diet of junk food. …He'd be the one who tells us the truth, even when we don't want to hear it."
Mark Manson argues that we need to embrace Disappointment Panda and learn to accept the harsh truths about ourselves.
"If you want the rewards, but not the struggle, you don’t really want it."
The principle states that the best way to overcome procrastination and make progress towards your goals is to simply take action, no matter how small.
We often get stuck in a cycle of inaction because we're waiting for the perfect moment or the right amount of motivation to strike. However, action breeds motivation. When you take action, even if it's just a small step, you start to feel a sense of momentum:
"Action isn’t just the effect of motivation; it’s the cause of it.”
As we know that problems are inevitable, trying to avoid them makes no sense. Complaining about them and playing the victim card is also not going to help you in any way.
So instead of being controlled by your problems, it is wiser to take responsibility and control them. When facing the problem, instead of crying over it and complaining that why problems always come in your way, think about its solution. Taking the responsibility for your problems don’t only make you stronger, but it also makes you smarter.
Uncertainty is a part of life, and we need to learn to embrace it. Mark Manson argues that trying to control everything in our lives is a fool's errand, and that we will only end up feeling stressed and anxious.
Manson says that the best way to deal with uncertainty is to accept it. This doesn't mean that we have to like it, but we do need to accept that it's a part of life. Once we accept uncertainty, we can start to deal with it in a more productive way.
When we fail, we often have a choice. We can either give up and let the failure define us, or we can learn from our mistakes and use them as an opportunity to grow. Failing forward is about choosing the latter. It's about embracing failure as a part of the learning process and using it to become better.
To keep in mind:
Learning to say and hear “no” can actually improve your life in 2 key ways:
If you fear death (or are preoccupied with ensuring that people remember you after you’re gone), you won’t be able to live fully.
However, if you’ve confronted your mortality, can accept your life as a passing grain in the timelessness of the universe, and can focus on contributing to a wider cause that will outlive you, then you’ll find true peace and happiness, and become free to live each day to the fullest.
International aid/development worker
Mark Manson is the bad boy of self-help. Really enjoyed his ideas
Curious about different takes? Check out our The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck Summary book page to explore multiple unique summaries written by Deepstash users.
Explore the World’s
Take Your Ideas
Just press play and we take care of the words.
No Internet access? No problem. Within the mobile app, all your ideas are available, even when offline.
2 Million Stashers
Don’t look further if you love learning new things. A refreshing concept that provides quick ideas for busy thought leaders.
Best app ever! You heard it right. This app has helped me get back on my quest to get things done while equipping myself with knowledge everyday.
Great interesting short snippets of informative articles. Highly recommended to anyone who loves information and lacks patience.
This app is LOADED with RELEVANT, HELPFUL, AND EDUCATIONAL material. It is creatively intellectual, yet minimal enough to not overstimulate and create a learning block. I am exceptionally impressed with this app!
I have only been using it for a few days now, but I have found answers to questions I had never consciously formulated, or to problems I face everyday at work or at home. I wish I had found this earlier, highly recommended!
Great for quick bits of information and interesting ideas around whatever topics you are interested in. Visually, it looks great as well.
Even five minutes a day will improve your thinking. I've come across new ideas and learnt to improve existing ways to become more motivated, confident and happier.
Brilliant. It feels fresh and encouraging. So many interesting pieces of information that are just enough to absorb and apply. So happy I found this.
Read & Learn
Access to 200,000+ ideas
Access to the mobile app
Unlimited idea saving & library
Unlimited listening to ideas
Downloading & offline access
Supercharge your mind with one idea per day
Enter your email and spend 1 minute every day to learn something new.
I agree to receive email updates