The Art of Confidence: How to Reign Supreme in Self-Belief

I don’t need to be friends with someone who dislikes my humor and stories. I am confident I will find other people genuinely interested in my personality and story - people who enjoy their time around me. Everyone else can do whatever they want. They won’t change who I am.

Over the past two weeks, you learned how to become a storyteller and find your unique style. But you haven’t yet learned to become more confident and show your powerful traits.

So, in this issue, you will solve this problem. You will learn 4 ways to master the art of confidence and never fear attention anymore.

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I’ve already spoiled you the key to becoming more confident. But I will repeat myself because I want to be transparent.

Stop caring too much – that’s it.

When you care too much, you are exposed. You put yourself in a disadvantageous position. And people will perceive you as needy, condescending, and weak. So they will quickly lose interest in you, and you will hardly raise their interest again.

But if you keep your higher or neutral position, three things could happen:

1. Negative Polarization. Some people won’t stand your behavior. And this could be for envy or negative affinity. However, they will notice you. So you can still be friends.
2. Neutral Polarization. It is not a situation you want to be in, but it is better than shutting up. You will hardly become good friends with these people. The relationship often stops at acquaintances.
3. Positive Polarization. This is the best outcome possible. People will want to be around you. They find you funny, and they enjoy your company.

Stop caring, and they will come to you – the concept is simple. But it’s easier said than done.

How can you stop caring? How can you learn to stay with people without feeling weird?

Here are four ways to slowly build confidence that you can practice starting today. Also, remember that, in these cases, only one thing works:

“Fake it until you make it.”

Echoing what your interlocutor says is the simplest technique to build confidence. It gives you time to catch up when you feel nervous. And it helps you connect with people by building likeability, trust, and support.

Overdoing it is the only problem of the echo technique. And if you echo your interlocutor too much:

• You may look unoriginal.
• They may categorize you as a pleaser and take advantage of you.
• Or they may get irritated and interpret your actions as a copycat.

So, use it to build trust with your interlocutor. But don’t do it too much.

Building confidence is a vast topic. But how can you improve on specific subjects like speaking in public or talking to girls or guys you like?

You can use the Gradual Exposure Therapy.

• First, pick a situation that makes you nervous and identify why.
• Then, list all the fears related to that situation besides your target.
• Find a low-stakes situation that resembles your original fear.
• After each repetition, deconstruct your fears. Find reasons they don’t matter and think about the worst possible outcome.

Peer pressure will skyrocket every time you will do something you have never done before. And you may make mistakes.

When people make mistakes, they often close up and stop trying. But that’s a lost opportunity. You could use those moments for self-irony.

If you expose yourself to this kind of irony, people will feel comfortable joking and bantering with you. You will create a safe space for them to interact with you. And you will build relationships faster.

Here are two ideas I used in the past:

• When you misspell something, you can create fun by repeating the same mistake. Exasperate it until it loses its initial meaning. Even comedians use this technique in their shows, so it’s proven to be working.
• If you say something that doesn’t achieve the expected results, you could insist with: “I finished, you can laugh now.”

Vulnerability will always be one of your greatest strengths. And if you learn to laugh about your weaknesses and insecurities, people will find you more likable.

Body language talks more than we wish. Good communicators have learned to recognize its tellings without actively seeking clues.

Some of them don’t even know they are using it. It is more of an instinct to them. But, of course, communication skills never come naturally. It is all about training and experiencing new situations. So, you can improve your body language skills by practicing.

We will further discuss this ability in the next issue of the series. But for now, here are three simple suggestions you could start using.

• Move your hands. People perceive people who do a lot of hand movements as more confident and comfortable. By mimicking it, you gain trust in your social abilities.
• Make eye contact. You may have heard it multiple times – eye contact is king. If you do it, you become a magnet for attention. If you don’t, people may lose interest in your stories.
• Don’t cross your arms. Everyone knows crossing your arms speaks of insecurity, fear, or rejection. And people will feel awkward if they walk to you in this position.

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