How to Mess Up Your Life - Deepstash

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Words of Wisdom

Words of Wisdom

  • The glass is half empty!
  • The early bird catches your worm!
  • Put off until tomorrow what you can do today!
  • Live each day as if it already were your last!
  • Your life is what others make of it!
  • There are hardly any fish in the sea!
  • You lose some, you lose some!
  • You are all that matters!
  • No matter where you go, you aren't there!
  • Don't forgive and don't forget!
  • Life sucks and shit happens a lot!


248 reads

How to Get Dumped

How to Get Dumped

  1. Only pretend to listen
  2. Think about what you want to say while they talk
  3. Interrupt them
  4. Share every thought in long, drawn-out details
  5. Point out their every mistake
  6. Dump your tension on them
  7. Make them feel guilty
  8. Blame them for everything
  9. Always think the worst of them
  10. Avoid physical contact
  11. Avoid romance
  12. Only focus on your own pleasure
  13. Enjoy the sound of your own voice
  14. Avoid eye contact
  15. Never be on time
  16. Play hard-to-get
  17. Set impossibly high standards
  18. Judge them for not being perfect
  19. Embrace your inner slob
  20. Joint Ownership: "What's yours is mine and what's mine is mine!"
  21. Randomly make accusations and rude comments


178 reads

How to Get Fired

How to Get Fired

  1. Provoke fights at work
  2. Question the integrity, honesty and work ethic of your coworkers
  3. Always be late
  4. Extend your breaks
  5. Push deadlines
  6. Display extreme inefficiency
  7. Pass your workload to coworkers
  8. Do the absolute minimum
  9. Waste everyone's time at meetings
  10. Complain
  11. Blame others
  12. Show contempt while given requests, refuse to do them, or accept and don't do them
  13. Trash important e-mails
  14. Send completely unrelated replies when answering an e-mail
  15. Be rude to clients, ignore them, resent their demands, blame them for your misery
  16. Spread rumors about your boss
  17. Surf the internet
  18. Have private conversations
  19. Sleep on the job


140 reads

How to Get Depressed

How to Get Depressed

  1. Avoid cardio, yoga and meditation
  2. Try to stay motionless
  3. Avoid healthy food and sugar-free beverages
  4. Have a negative support buddy
  5. Wallow in your depression together
  6. Criticize your friends
  7. Blame the world
  8. Keep a dim outlook on life
  9. Create your own negative affirmations and repeat them like a mantra
  10. Overwork yourself to cause stress and fatigue
  11. Always think about your financial constraints
  12. Set unrealistic expectations
  13. Make random chaotic plans
  14. Refuse to help others
  15. Focus on the traits of others that irritate you
  16. Never do anything nice for yourself
  17. Never be grateful for anything
  18. Succumb to your misery


151 reads

How to Get Angry

How to Get Angry

  1. Repress your anger
  2. Never reflect on why you are angry
  3. Just blame someone for it
  4. Get mad at politicians
  5. Drive in rush hour traffic
  6. Aggressively honk while driving
  7. Be inconsiderate to other drivers
  8. Blame them for everything that's wrong in your life
  9. Concentrate on how long you wait while waiting
  10. Be rude to the ones waiting with you
  11. Complain to customer support and blame them
  12. Kick, punch and break stuff
  13. Scream at random people
  14. Argue with family and friends
  15. Build long-lasting resentments towards someone close to you
  16. Never let go of your anger
  17. Hate your life
  18. Don't forget to blame someone!


126 reads

How to Get Stressed

How to Get Stressed

  1. Feel the weight of the world on your shoulders
  2. Tense up all your muscles
  3. Take short, constrained breaths
  4. Concentrate on worry and overwhelm
  5. Think about all past negative experiences
  6. Create a stress mantra and repeat it regularly in your head
  7. Always multitask
  8. Procrastinate
  9. Focus on all the tasks you can't get done in time because you procrastinated
  10. Be disorganized
  11. Scatter your things
  12. Keep your space cluttered
  13. Lie, cheat, be dishonest
  14. Overwork yourself
  15. Never ask for help
  16. Go into debt
  17. Set unrealistic goals, deadlines and to-do lists
  18. Don't write down your appointments
  19. Try to remember everything in your head


127 reads



while(1 < 2) love laugh dance


Have you ever wondered how to get dumped quickly and effectively, fired whenever you want, depressed all the time, angry in an instant and stressed all day long? Then this read is for you. Become the least you can be!


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