Behavioral goals are hard to reach because they usually roll around conflicting desires. 
Something in you wants to achieve the goal, while something else in you wants to undermine it.

The difficulty of behavioral goals

The traditional approach to goal accomplishment revolves around the idea of winning most of our inner conflicts. Grit and determination are emphasized as the keys to victory and the positive side should always win.
This approach assumes that there is within us a stockpile of willpower that gives us the power we need to act constantly toward our long-term interests; if we can’t seem to do that, the failing is as much a moral one as a practical one.

Grit, determination and victory

Striving isn’t the only strategy when it come to reaching your goals.
Try tracking your behavior without particularly striving to change it. This way, you commit only to tracking the relevant numbers (money spent, calories consumed, miles walked, pages read/written, etc.)

Conventional striving doesn't always work

<img src="https://www.raptitude.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/marcelo-novais-dmmlgW4OZrI-unsplash.jpg" width="600" height="402" alt="Post image for The Myth of Grit and Determination">Ordering takeout is an act of community support, the pleasure-seeking part of my brain has been telling me.Every time I deny the impulse to order pizza, this brain-region argues, a local restaurant comes closer to insolvency.The other day I was chatting with a few friends, and it turned out each of us had gained a non-negligible number of pounds over the past four months. &nbsp;“It’s happening to a lot of people,” one friend said. “They’re calling it the ‘Covid Nineteen.’”It’s only twelve for me, but the process is still unfolding.Takeout isn’t the sole culprit, of course. It’s hard to remain as active these days. Fewer grocery sorties means less fresh produce in the diet. Also, general anxiety and uncertainty have a way of sending us wandering to the fridge, or worse.I reached my enough-is-enough moment when I was notified that I’ve earned a free pizza from accumulating enough loyalty points. My plan is to halt the Covid Nineteen while it’s still a Covid Twelve, and give every bit of it back to nature.<h3>The Should I / Shouldn’t I Trap</h3>Losing a few extra pounds might be the least original goal you could name, which speaks to its difficulty –- if it were easily accomplished, we would have done it already.Behavioral goals are difficult because they tend to revolve around conflicting desires. Something in you wants to achieve the goal, while something else in you wants to undermine it — you want to wake up early, but you also want to sleep in.This creates a familiar kind of rhetorical battle in the mind, one side arguing for a binding “Yes” to the impulse, the other pushing for a “No, and that’s that.”The body will end up acting out one of the two desires, depending on which side is more shrewd.An example from my own life:&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; BODY: [Sees someone else’s takeout on Instagram]&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; INNER VOICE: Hey you should get pizza!&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; ALSO INNER VOICE: No you shouldn’t. It’s just empty calories, and only the first piece is actually good.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; INNER VOICE: But you’re supporting local business! If there’s ever been a time you should order pizza, it’s now.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; ALSO INNER VOICE: Oh please. That’s not the reason you want it.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; INNER VOICE: Okay, you’re right. But regardless — what if we just get it tonight, and then not order out again for a few weeks?&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; BODY: [dials pizza place]<h3>The Imaginary Reservoir</h3>The conventional approach to goal achievement relies on winning most of these inner “Should I / Shouldn’t I” conflicts. Goodness must prevail. Grit and determination are emphasized as the keys to victory.It’s assumed that there is within you a reservoir of some righteous quality –- willpower, or moral fortitude –- which empowers you to act persistently toward your long-term interests. It is essential that you connect with this unaccountable source of strength, and if you can’t seem to do that, the failing is as much a moral one as a practical one.I think this widely-accepted idea is bullshit. I now interpret grit and determination as nothing but post-hoc explanations for success –- illusory qualities invented in the absence of a true understanding of the opaque psychological reasons some hard things are achieved and some are not.<h3>The Alternative to Endless Striving</h3>Conventional striving never did much for me. I apparently do not have a direct connection to the magic reservoir. Maybe you don’t either. That’s OK. Striving isn’t the only strategy.What has worked better is <a href="https://www.raptitude.com/2017/06/where-personal-breakthroughs-really-come-from/" dir="ltr">tracking behavior without particularly striving to change it</a>. Rather than drawing a “good enough” line and striving to meet it, you commit only to tracking the relevant numbers -– dollars spent, calories consumed, miles walked, pages read.What you discover is that simply knowing this data changes what you want to do, so that you’re not constantly fighting with yourself. You don’t need to depend on winning endless should/shouldn’t battles in order to change.Say I decide to track caloric intake -— as long as I record it, eating an entire tub of Ben &amp; Jerry’s isn’t in any sense out of bounds.If I were to depend on my inner rhetoric to prevent this kind of overconsumption, I’m liable to talk myself into getting the ice cream. After all, I deserve a treat sometimes, right? I ran 10k on Sunday. Any time we’re talking about the right times to eat ice cream, I could give you a thousand reasons why it’s right now.As long as I’m tracking the numbers, however, I can’t escape the awareness that my choice will turn a 2200-calorie day into a 3500-calorie day, and I’ll have to ledger these figures.Suddenly, no part of me entirely wants this “treat.” I can see the needless cost I’m about to incur, and it no longer feels like something worth rationalizing. The desires themselves have shifted, with no moralizing and little willpower involved.<h3>An Experiment</h3>Which brings me back to addressing the “Covid Nineteen.” My next official <a href="https://www.raptitude.com/experiments/" dir="ltr">experiment</a> is to track caloric intake for a month. I predict less overall intake, but I’m not setting a target, only tracking. I want to know:-What I actually consume in a day-Where the costliest habits are-What’s worth consuming and what’s notI’ll report daily intake each day of the whole month, and any weight change that occurs.The working hypothesis is “What gets measured gets managed” — that simply charting the behavior will shape it in sustainable ways, whereas striving probably won’t.I began this experiment today, August 6, and will conclude on September 4. You can follow along on my <a href="https://www.raptitude.com/experiment-log-no-29-calorie-tracking/" dir="ltr">experiment log</a>.Is there something you’re struggling to manage using grit and determination? What if you committed to just measuring it for a while?***Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@marnovais" dir="ltr">Marcelo Novais</a><h3>
A Raptitude Community
</h3><div dir="ltr">	
 Finally! Raptitude is now on Patreon. It's an easy way to help keep Raptitude ad-free. In exchange you get access to extra posts and other goodies. Join a growing community of patrons. <a href="https://patreon.com/raptitude" dir="ltr">[See what it's all about]</a></div><h3>If you liked this post, get Raptitude sent to you. (It's free.)</h3><form action="https://forms.convertkit.com/landing_pages/413609/subscribe" data-remote="true"><button>
 Submit
 </button></form>

Ordering takeout is an act of community support, the pleasure-seeking part of my brain has been telling me. Every time I deny the impulse to order pizza, this brain-region argues, a local restaurant comes closer to insolvency. The other day […]

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

health

Health

habits

Habits

problemsolving

Problem Solving

Ordering takeout is an act of community support, the pleasure-seeking part of my brain has been telling me.

Every time I deny the impulse to order pizza, this brain-region argues, a local restaurant comes closer to insolvency.

The other day I was chatting with a few friends, and it turned out each of us had gained a non-negligible number of pounds over the past four months.

“It’s happening to a lot of people,” one friend said. “They’re calling it the ‘Covid Nineteen.’”

It’s only twelve for me, but the process is still unfolding.

Takeout isn’t the sole culprit, of course. It’s hard to remain as active these days. Fewer grocery sorties means less fresh produce in the diet. Also, general anxiety and uncertainty have a way of sending us wandering to the fridge, or worse.

I reached my enough-is-enough moment when I was notified that I’ve earned a free pizza from accumulating enough loyalty points. My plan is to halt the Covid Nineteen while it’s still a Covid Twelve, and give every bit of it back to nature.

Losing a few extra pounds might be the least original goal you could name, which speaks to its difficulty –- if it were easily accomplished, we would have done it already.

Behavioral goals are difficult because they tend to revolve around conflicting desires. Something in you wants to achieve the goal, while something else in you wants to undermine it — you want to wake up early, but you also want to sleep in.

This creates a familiar kind of rhetorical battle in the mind, one side arguing for a binding “Yes” to the impulse, the other pushing for a “No, and that’s that.”

The body will end up acting out one of the two desires, depending on which side is more shrewd.

BODY: [Sees someone else’s takeout on Instagram]

INNER VOICE: Hey you should get pizza!

ALSO INNER VOICE: No you shouldn’t. It’s just empty calories, and only the first piece is actually good.

INNER VOICE: But you’re supporting local business! If there’s ever been a time you should order pizza, it’s now.

ALSO INNER VOICE: Oh please. That’s not the reason you want it.

INNER VOICE: Okay, you’re right. But regardless — what if we just get it tonight, and then not order out again for a few weeks?

BODY: [dials pizza place]

The conventional approach to goal achievement relies on winning most of these inner “Should I / Shouldn’t I” conflicts. Goodness must prevail. Grit and determination are emphasized as the keys to victory.

It’s assumed that there is within you a reservoir of some righteous quality–- willpower, or moral fortitude –- which empowers you to act persistently toward your long-term interests. It is essential that you connect with this unaccountable source of strength, and if you can’t seem to do that, the failing is as much a moral one as a practical one.

I think this widely-accepted idea is bullshit. I now interpret grit and determination as nothing but post-hoc explanations for success –- illusory qualities invented in the absence of a true understanding of the opaque psychological reasons some hard things are achieved and some are not.

Conventional striving never did much for me. I apparently do not have a direct connection to the magic reservoir. Maybe you don’t either. That’s OK. Striving isn’t the only strategy.

What has worked better is <a href="https://www.raptitude.com/2017/06/where-personal-breakthroughs-really-come-from/">tracking behavior without particularly striving to change it </a>. Rather than drawing a “good enough” line and striving to meet it, you commit only to tracking the relevant numbers -– dollars spent, calories consumed, miles walked, pages read.

What you discover is that simply knowing this data changes what you want to do, so that you’re not constantly fighting with yourself. You don’t need to depend on winning endless should/shouldn’t battles in order to change.

Say I decide to track caloric intake -— as long as I record it, eating an entire tub of Ben & Jerry’s isn’t in any sense out of bounds.

If I were to depend on my inner rhetoric to prevent this kind of overconsumption, I’m liable to talk myself into getting the ice cream. After all, I deserve a treat sometimes, right? I ran 10k on Sunday. Any time we’re talking about the right times to eat ice cream, I could give you a thousand reasons why it’s right now.

As long as I’m tracking the numbers, however, I can’t escape the awareness that my choice will turn a 2200-calorie day into a 3500-calorie day, and I’ll have to ledger these figures.

Suddenly, no part of me entirely wants this “treat.” I can see the needless cost I’m about to incur, and it no longer feels like something worth rationalizing. The desires themselves have shifted, with no moralizing and little willpower involved.

Which brings me back to addressing the “Covid Nineteen.” My next official <a href="https://www.raptitude.com/experiments/">experiment </a>is to track caloric intake for a month. I predict less overall intake, but I’m not setting a target, only tracking. I want to know:

-What I actually consume in a day

-What’s worth consuming and what’s not

I’ll report daily intake each day of the whole month, and any weight change that occurs.

The working hypothesis is “What gets measured gets managed” — that simply charting the behavior will shape it in sustainable ways, whereas striving probably won’t.

I began this experiment today, August 6, and will conclude on September 4. You can follow along on my <a href="https://www.raptitude.com/experiment-log-no-29-calorie-tracking/">experiment log </a>.

Is there something you’re struggling to manage using grit and determination? What if you committed to just measuring it for a while?

Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@marnovais">Marcelo Novais </a>

Finally! Raptitude is now on Patreon. It's an easy way to help keep Raptitude ad-free. In exchange you get access to extra posts and other goodies. Join a growing community of patrons. <a href="https://patreon.com/raptitude">[See what it's all about] </a>

If you liked this post, get Raptitude sent to you. (It's free.)

The Myth of Grit and Determination

The difficulty of behavioral goals

Grit, determination and victory

Conventional striving doesn't always work

Kyron Ito's ideas are part of this journey:

Related collections

Similar ideas