In a relationship, a partner uses ‘the silent treatment’ on the other to make them feel hurt, punished and alienated, manipulating their emotions. 
Being isolated or ghosted by a partner is a sort of abuse that hurts more than being yelled or shouted at.

The Silent Treatment

Love & Relationships

Stone-cold silence is often accompanied by total denial over any problem, which further infuriates the other person.
Sometimes the silent treatment is a ‘mild’ one where the person emotionally cuts off from the partner but is not totally silent.

Applying The Silent Treatment To A Partner

<ol>
<li>Don’t Isolate: Maintain healthy relationships with family and friends to avoid feelings of loneliness.</li>
<li>Hobbies: Engage in reading books or doing art, which can help us stay stable and strong, and can act as an outlet for our feelings.</li>
<li>Don’t Be A Victim Of Percepticide: Do not allow your opinions, desires and wants to be erased or sidelined.</li>
<li>See A Therapist: Seek professional help if needed.</li>
<li>Decide How Much You Can Take: See a domestic violence expert if things are beyond your limits.</li>
<li>End The Relation: If facing hostility and cruelty, seek to end the relationship and set yourself free.</li>
</ol>

How To Respond To The Silent Treatment

<h2>
 Ignoring a person communicates power over them. </h2>
 Posted Sep 08, 2020 <UL><LI><img alt="Facebook icon" src="https://cdn.psychologytoday.com/sites/all/modules/custom/pt_social_media/img/icon-share-round-facebook-md.svg" width="37" height="37"></LI></UL>Refusing to listen, talk or respond to a partner is sometimes called “the silent treatment.”&nbsp;Many people&nbsp;cut off their partners emotionally to hurt, punish,&nbsp;or manipulate them. Some people&nbsp;even refuse to acknowledge their partners’ existence for hours, days, or weeks on end, making the partners feel as if they are somehow less than human,&nbsp;like a ghost:<div>article continues after advertisement</div>Nina&nbsp;could never tell what would set off her husband, Ray, and make him refuse to speak with her. Nina&nbsp;first experienced Ray's&nbsp;silence when they were <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/mating" title="Psychology Today looks at dating" dir="ltr">dating</a>. Ray&nbsp;felt that Nina had looked too happy while dancing with a male friend,&nbsp;so he walked out of the club without saying good-bye, and refused to speak with her or even acknowledge her for weeks.Over the years, Nina&nbsp;learned to cope with Ray's cruel silences, continuing to prepare his meals and wash and fold his clothes even as he ignored her for long periods. The silent treatment usually ended with Ray&nbsp;grabbing at Nina brusquely for <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/sex" title="Psychology Today looks at sex" dir="ltr">sex</a> at night. The next morning, he acted as if the break in their relationship had never happened and refused to discuss it.<img alt="Niklas Hamman/Unsplash" height="208" src="https://cdn.psychologytoday.com/sites/default/files/styles/article-inline-half-caption/public/field_blog_entry_images/2020-09/niklas_hamann-pe4gh8a8mby-unsplash.jpg?itok=eVpuZyIv" title="Niklas Hamman/Unsplash" width="312"><div>Source: Niklas Hamman/Unsplash</div>Being ignored is especially difficult for a person who is isolated by abuse and&nbsp;<a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/invisible-chains/201509/is-your-partner-too-controlling" dir="ltr">coercive control</a>, and depends on the abuser’s approval to feel worthwhile and safe. Many abuse survivors say they hated the silent treatment more than&nbsp;the insults or yelling. When they were shouted at, at least they knew what was on the abuser’s mind, and could&nbsp;better&nbsp;assess their own and their children’s safety. Stone-cold silence can reinforce&nbsp;feelings of vulnerability and <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/fear" title="Psychology Today looks at fear" dir="ltr">fear</a>.Hostile Withholding Is a Form of <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/gaslighting" title="Psychology Today looks at Gaslighting" dir="ltr">Gaslighting</a>When angered by their partner, some people&nbsp;turn a little cold. They may be "correct" in their responses,&nbsp;not outwardly mean,&nbsp;but still treat their partner like someone they barely know, or like a neighbor or colleagues at work. This&nbsp;is crazy-making because when confronted, the person acting cold will deny it. "What do you mean? You're imagining it!" Or--in another phrase that is often used to convince victims that they are the problem, "You're hysterical over nothing."<div>article continues after advertisement</div>Some abusers engage in what may appear to be a “milder” form of the silent treatment, in which they do not maintain total silence but still cut off their partners emotionally:&nbsp;Sara knew when her husband, Reggie, was angry because he would put on “a serious face” that communicated to her that she should be especially submissive and not approach him. He spoke to her&nbsp;without smiling and with a cold, impersonal tone. She knew that Reggie was deliberately trying to make her feel bad.&nbsp;Reggie often exploded in <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/anger" title="Psychology Today looks at anger" dir="ltr">anger</a> following a period of silence.&nbsp; Sara said that the hostile withholding made her extremely <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/anxiety" title="Psychology Today looks at anxious" dir="ltr">anxious</a>; she redoubled her efforts to make Reggie feel better, silencing her own needs and desires.Tips for Responding to the Silent TreatmentIf you or someone you care about is being subject to the silent treatment, the following steps may help:<UL><LI>Avoid becoming isolated:&nbsp;Maintaining relationships with family, friends, neighbors and coworkers will make it easier for you to weather the storm of your partner’s moods.</LI><LI>Maintain a rich inner life: Engaging in hobbies, reading, and art projects can help you stay strong and stable while facing silent&nbsp;hostility from your partner.</LI><LI>Remember yourself:&nbsp;One of the problems with being in a relationship with an abusive and controlling partner is that it can be difficult to remember who you are. This is called&nbsp;<a href="https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/gaslighting/perspecticide-erased-by-your-partner" rel="noopener noreferrer" dir="ltr">perspecticide</a>. Do not allow your opinions, desires and <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/motivation" title="Psychology Today looks at goals" dir="ltr">goals</a> to be erased.</LI><LI>Seek professional <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/therapy-types/coaching" title="Psychology Today looks at counseling" dir="ltr">counseling</a>:&nbsp;A therapist who understands control and abuse can help you understand what you have been through and face the challenges ahead.&nbsp;</LI><LI>Decide on your limits:&nbsp;Recognizing that the silent treatment is just one tactic in a controlling person’s toolbox, decide what your limits are. If you feel like the situation is harmful to you or family members,&nbsp;find a <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/domestic-violence" title="Psychology Today looks at domestic violence" dir="ltr">domestic violence</a> advocate&nbsp;who can help you plan a safe way out of the relationship.</LI><LI>Consider ending the relationship: You do not need to stay in a relationship where your partner is mean or cruel to you, whether it is through the silent treatment, verbal abuse, physical or <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/sexual-abuse" title="Psychology Today looks at sexual abuse" dir="ltr">sexual abuse</a>, economic control, or some other means. Contact your local <a href="https://www.domesticshelters.org/" rel="noopener noreferrer" dir="ltr">domestic violence agency</a>, speak with an advocate, develop a <a href="https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/escaping-violence/when-it-s-time-to-go-part-i" rel="noopener noreferrer" dir="ltr">safety plan</a>, and map out a future for yourself where you can be free.</LI></UL>Time-outs vs. the Silent TreatmentIt is worth noting that sometimes counselors teach people who have been abusive to take a “time-out” so they can calm down and gather their thoughts&nbsp;before reengaging with their partners.&nbsp;Done properly, the person will ask if it is okay to take a time-out, and then will go for a walk, exercise, meditate, or read a book, for example, so they can return to the conversation in a calmer and more productive way. Taking a time-out should lead to improved communication and <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/teamwork" title="Psychology Today looks at collaboration" dir="ltr">collaboration</a>, whereas the silent treatment is an assertion of dominance and control. The person who is being victimized can tell the difference.<UL><LI><img alt="Facebook icon" src="https://cdn.psychologytoday.com/sites/all/modules/custom/pt_social_media/img/icon-share-round-facebook-lg.svg" width="45" height="46"></LI></UL>

Being ignored by a partner increases feelings of vulnerability and fear.

Love & Family

Ignoring a person communicates power over them.

Refusing to listen, talk or respond to a partner is sometimes called “the silent treatment.” Many people cut off their partners emotionally to hurt, punish, or manipulate them. Some people even refuse to acknowledge their partners’ existence for hours, days, or weeks on end, making the partners feel as if they are somehow less than human, like a ghost:

Nina could never tell what would set off her husband, Ray, and make him refuse to speak with her. Nina first experienced Ray's silence when they were <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/mating" title="Psychology Today looks at dating">dating </a>. Ray felt that Nina had looked too happy while dancing with a male friend, so he walked out of the club without saying good-bye, and refused to speak with her or even acknowledge her for weeks.

Over the years, Nina learned to cope with Ray's cruel silences, continuing to prepare his meals and wash and fold his clothes even as he ignored her for long periods. The silent treatment usually ended with Ray grabbing at Nina brusquely for <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/sex" title="Psychology Today looks at sex">sex </a>at night. The next morning, he acted as if the break in their relationship had never happened and refused to discuss it.

Being ignored is especially difficult for a person who is isolated by abuse and <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/invisible-chains/201509/is-your-partner-too-controlling">coercive control </a>, and depends on the abuser’s approval to feel worthwhile and safe. Many abuse survivors say they hated the silent treatment more than the insults or yelling. When they were shouted at, at least they knew what was on the abuser’s mind, and could better assess their own and their children’s safety. Stone-cold silence can reinforce feelings of vulnerability and <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/fear" title="Psychology Today looks at fear">fear </a>.

Hostile Withholding Is a Form of <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/gaslighting" title="Psychology Today looks at Gaslighting">Gaslighting </a>

When angered by their partner, some people turn a little cold. They may be "correct" in their responses, not outwardly mean, but still treat their partner like someone they barely know, or like a neighbor or colleagues at work. This is crazy-making because when confronted, the person acting cold will deny it. "What do you mean? You're imagining it!" Or--in another phrase that is often used to convince victims that they are the problem, "You're hysterical over nothing."

Some abusers engage in what may appear to be a “milder” form of the silent treatment, in which they do not maintain total silence but still cut off their partners emotionally:

Sara knew when her husband, Reggie, was angry because he would put on “a serious face” that communicated to her that she should be especially submissive and not approach him. He spoke to her without smiling and with a cold, impersonal tone. She knew that Reggie was deliberately trying to make her feel bad. Reggie often exploded in <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/anger" title="Psychology Today looks at anger">anger </a>following a period of silence.  Sara said that the hostile withholding made her extremely <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/anxiety" title="Psychology Today looks at anxious">anxious </a>; she redoubled her efforts to make Reggie feel better, silencing her own needs and desires.

Tips for Responding to the Silent Treatment

If you or someone you care about is being subject to the silent treatment, the following steps may help:

<ul><li>Avoid becoming isolated:  Maintaining relationships with family, friends, neighbors and coworkers will make it easier for you to weather the storm of your partner’s moods. </li><li>Maintain a rich inner life: Engaging in hobbies, reading, and art projects can help you stay strong and stable while facing silent hostility from your partner. </li><li>Remember yourself:  One of the problems with being in a relationship with an abusive and controlling partner is that it can be difficult to remember who you are. This is called <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/gaslighting/perspecticide-erased-by-your-partner" rel="noopener noreferrer">perspecticide </a>. Do not allow your opinions, desires and <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/motivation" title="Psychology Today looks at goals">goals </a>to be erased. </li><li>Seek professional <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/therapy-types/coaching" title="Psychology Today looks at counseling">counseling </a>:  A therapist who understands control and abuse can help you understand what you have been through and face the challenges ahead.  </li><li>Decide on your limits:  Recognizing that the silent treatment is just one tactic in a controlling person’s toolbox, decide what your limits are. If you feel like the situation is harmful to you or family members, find a <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/domestic-violence" title="Psychology Today looks at domestic violence">domestic violence </a>advocate who can help you plan a safe way out of the relationship. </li><li>Consider ending the relationship: You do not need to stay in a relationship where your partner is mean or cruel to you, whether it is through the silent treatment, verbal abuse, physical or <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/sexual-abuse" title="Psychology Today looks at sexual abuse">sexual abuse </a>, economic control, or some other means. Contact your local <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.domesticshelters.org/" rel="noopener noreferrer">domestic violence agency </a>, speak with an advocate, develop a <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/escaping-violence/when-it-s-time-to-go-part-i" rel="noopener noreferrer">safety plan </a>, and map out a future for yourself where you can be free. </li> </ul>

Time-outs vs. the Silent Treatment

It is worth noting that sometimes counselors teach people who have been abusive to take a “time-out” so they can calm down and gather their thoughts before reengaging with their partners. Done properly, the person will ask if it is okay to take a time-out, and then will go for a walk, exercise, meditate, or read a book, for example, so they can return to the conversation in a calmer and more productive way. Taking a time-out should lead to improved communication and <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/teamwork" title="Psychology Today looks at collaboration">collaboration </a>, whereas the silent treatment is an assertion of dominance and control. The person who is being victimized can tell the difference.

Bite‑sized knowledge
to upgrade
your career

The Silent Treatment: A Tactic of Abuse and Control

The Silent Treatment

Applying The Silent Treatment To A Partner

How To Respond To The Silent Treatment

Does the silent treatment work?

What You’re Saying When You Give Someone the Silent Treatment

What You’re Saying When You Give Someone the Silent Treatment

Bite‑sized knowledgeto upgradeyour career

The Silent Treatment: A Tactic of Abuse and Control

The Silent Treatment

Applying The Silent Treatment To A Partner

How To Respond To The Silent Treatment

Does the silent treatment work?

What You’re Saying When You Give Someone the Silent Treatment

What You’re Saying When You Give Someone the Silent Treatment

Bite‑sized knowledge
to upgrade
your career