Here's How Toxic Monogamy Culture Is Ruining Our Relationships | Feminism In India

This thought process is largely conditioned in us, through society and a systemic ideal, and it creates a vicious co dependence where you start equating and hence merging your individual identity with that of your partners’. We are expected to be in a monogamous relationship and to take responsibility for how our partner feels at all times. One ends up sacrificing way too much of himself or herself in the process of trying to take onus of making the significant other happy. It takes away the onus from the individual to try and improve their quality of life and it puts unrealistic amounts of pressure on the partner to not only manage their own lives but also take accountability for the other persons’. A sense of individual accountability towards one’s thoughts and emotions is a realistic way of managing a relationship, and to come out of the unrealistic thought that we have been conditioned into, which ultimately sets us up for being disappointed on some level with ourselves and our partners.

This when observed closely, seeks to disregard all other formats of relationships as invalid and devoid of love, and establish only monogamy as one that has love and therefore a bond strong enough to have commitment and exclusivity. This creates a perception of solidifying monogamy as the pallbearer of strong ideals associated with love, even though there are just as valid formats of relationships which have commitment and love. These formats are in turn now looked down upon and pushed to the fringes as ‘different’ because they haven’t been conditioned as normal or okay in society, in contrast to monogamy.

Not only does it concretise the societal construct of marriage, but it also says that after a point love isn’t enough and it needs other additives such as children and marriage to be acceptable. This is where a clear idea of heteronormativity creeps in. For a lot of relationships, exclusively those that are in the community, many across the world aren’t even allowed to be legally recognised as a gender or orientation, let alone be able to dream of marriage or legally having children. So when people of the community are conditioned into such toxic ideals they see their love as less or inadequate and therefore as something that they may not perceive to be right. Further, a lot of relationships consist of people who may not want to get married or have children; they are also now exposed into a system that by virtue of its toxic beliefs, sees their love as one that may not have commitment, or be real.

Featured image source: Medium

Basically summarizes the points above!