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How to Tell If You're in a Toxic Relationship
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A toxic relationship
Is any relationship between people who don’t support each other, where there’s conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there is competition and there is disrespect.
A toxic relationship is consistently unpleasant and draining for the people in it, to the point that negative moments outweigh and outnumber the positive ones.
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What makes a relationship toxic
People who consistently undermine or cause harm to a partner (whether intentionally or not) often have a reason for their behavior, even if it’s subconscious.
Maybe they were in a toxic relationship, either romantically or as a child. Maybe they didn’t have the most supportive, loving upbringing. They could have been bullied in school. They could be suffering from an undiagnosed mental health disorder.
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Warning signs
The most serious warning signs include any form of violence, abuse or harassment, which should be dealt with immediately. But in many cases, the indicators of a toxic relationship are much more subtle: Persistent unhappiness, negative shifts in your mental health, personality or self-esteem, feeling like you can’t talk with or voice concerns to your significant other.
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What you should do
- If you feel that you’re in physical danger, you may need to involve the authorities.
- If the harm is emotional or mental, you’ll have to decide if it’s possible to work through the issue.
- If underlying triggers such as depression or trauma are influencing one or both individuals’ behaviors, therapeutic or medical treatments may help.
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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
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Key Ideas
Dropping “Hints”
It shows that you two are not comfortable communicating openly and clearly with one another.
State your feelings and desires openly. And make it clear that the other person is not ne...
Holding the Relationship Hostage
For example, if someone feels like you’ve been cold to them, instead of saying, “I feel like you’re being cold sometimes,” they will say, “I can’t date someone who is cold to me."
It’s crucial for both people in a relationship to know that negative thoughts and feelings can be communicated safely to one another without it threatening the relationship itself.
Blaming Your Partner
... for your own emotions. This is a subtle form of selfishness and a classic example of the poor maintenance of personal boundaries. Take responsibility for your own emotions and expect your partner to be responsible for theirs.
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Conflict mistaken for passion
Arguments and disagreements in relationships are normal, but screaming matches and every day fighting isn’t.
People who seek out conflict in their relationship for the intens...
Conflict mistaken for passion
Arguments and disagreements in relationships are normal, but screaming matches and every day fighting isn’t.
People who seek out conflict in their relationship for the intense reconciliation are often addicted to the dopamine that they get after the fight is over – which isn’t healthy for either person.
Keeping the peace
Ignoring problems in a relationship in order to avoid conflict will only mean that the problems pile up until they can no longer be ignored – and by then, it might be too hard to fix.
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Key Ideas
Codependent vs Interdependent
Codependency in relationships means being overly preoccupied with your partner to the point of losing your own sense of who you are and what you need.
Partners in an interdependent or s...
Keep Working On Yourself
The key to making your relationship more interdependent is to take stock of your life. Find purpose and meaning outside of your relationship.
Not only will it make you happier and better as a person, but it may also improve intimacy and passion in your relationship.
Have Regular "Friend Dates"
It’s healthy to have regular time with your friends without your partner. A little time apart also creates mystique and plays into that tried but true adage that absence makes the heart grow fonder.