Why the Best Things in Life Are All Backwards

Here, effort and reward have a negative correlation—that is, the more effort you put into doing something, the more you will fail to do it. 

Effort and reward have a linear relationship when the action is mindless and simple. Effort and reward have a diminishing returns relationship when the action is complex and multivariate.

But when the action becomes purely psychological—an experience that exists solely within our own consciousness—the relationship between effort and reward becomes inverted.

1. Control- The more we accept our feelings and impulses instead of controlling them, the more we’re able to direct and process them.
2. Freedom- It’s only by limiting ourselves–by choosing and committing to certain things in life–that we truly exercise our freedom.
3. Happiness- Trying to be happy makes us less happy. Accepting unhappiness makes us happy.
4. Security- Being comfortable with uncertainty is what allows us to feel secure.
5. Love- The more we try to make others love and accept us, the less they will, and the less we will love and accept ourselves.
6. Respect- The more we ourselves respect others, the more they will come to respect us.
7. Trust- The more we try to make people trust us, the less inclined they will be to do so.
8. Confidence- The more we accept our faults, the more comfortable we will feel in our own skin.
9. Change- The more we accept ourselves, the more we will grow and evolve.
10. Meaning- The more we pursue a deeper meaning or purpose to our lives, the more self-obsessed and shallow we will become.

These internal, psychological experiences exist on an inverted curve because they are both the cause and the effect of the same thing: our minds. When you desire happiness, your mind is simultaneously the thing that is desiring and the target of its own desires. 

The goal is to take your mind and teach it to stop chasing its own tail. To teach it to achieve what it desires by giving up what it desires. To show it how the only way to reach the surface is to let itself sink. 

By letting go, by giving up and by surrendering. Not out of weakness. But out of a respect that the world is beyond our grasp. By recognizing that we are fragile and limited and but temporary specks in the infinite reaches of time. You do it by relinquishing control, not because you feel powerless, but because you are powerful. Because you decide to let go of things that are beyond your control. You decide to accept that sometimes, people won’t like you, that often you will fail, that usually you have no clue what you’re doing.