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Vary your sentence structure
"Alex was breathing so hard that his chest was burning. He didn’t dare look over his shoulder as he ran. He just kept putting one foot in front of the other and hoped he wouldn’t trip. He was still being chased by the monster."
[Subject][verb]. Each sentence follows the same formula, which is probably the main cause of pronoun overuse.
"Alex was breathing so hard that his chest was burning. Not daring to look of his shoulder, he ran. Right now it was more important to avoid tripping, so he just kept putting one foot in front of the other. Behind him, the monster still followed."
12
28 reads
Combine sentences
"Alex was breathing so hard that his chest was burning. He didn’t dare look over his shoulder as he ran. He just kept putting one foot in front of the other and hoped he wouldn’t trip. He was still being chased by the monster."
"Alex was breathing so hard that his chest was burning. Not daring to look over his shoulder, he kept putting one foot in front of the other and hoped he wouldn’t trip. He was still being chased by the monster."
10
21 reads
Have more agents
Remove the filter words and give the environment some agency.
"Alex was breathing so hard that his chest was burning. The rich smell of soil rose up from the forest floor, which was cool and soft between his toes. With no moonlight filtering through the forest canopy to illuminate the ground, he didn’t dare look over his shoulder. What if he tripped? Behind him, the monster crashed through the undergrowth, its hideous odour the harbinger of death."
11
29 reads
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