People with strange names may feel they are at a disadvantage when their colleagues keep on using the wrong name. Getting a name wrong may be unintentional, but it doesn't make it less irresponsible and unprofessional. However, there are some strategies you can employ.

Getting your name wrong

Our names are part of our identity, and when someone gets it wrong, it can feel like disrespect. However, there are a few ways you can gently call someone out when they call you by the wrong name. <ul><li>Ask a clarifying question. Offer a warm smile and ask, "Did you just call me Sam by accident?" It allows them to apologise and confirm the correct name.</li><li>Offer a correction. "My name is Talisa, by the way. Just think Lisa with a Ta in front of it."</li><li>Do it in writing. Include the phonetic spelling of your name.</li><li>Find peers and explain the situation so that they may advocate for you.</li></ul>

Strategies when someone repeatedly mess up your name

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		Summary.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;
		Getting a name wrong may be unintentional. In fact, most of the time, it’s probably not done with ill intent. That doesn’t make it any less irresponsible and unprofessional. So, what should you do if your colleagues keep messing up your name?

First, know that...<button dir="ltr">more</button>
	</div><img src="https://hbr.org/resources/images/article_assets/2020/10/Ascend_Logo_2020_2x.png" alt="Ascend logo" width="105" height="25">Where your work meets your life. See more from Ascend <a href="https://hbr.org/insight-center/ascend" dir="ltr">here</a>.Dear Ascend,&nbsp;How does one politely respond when being called by the wrong name? On many occasions, my boss’s boss has confused me with&nbsp;another colleague. Although we both have unusual names, our names are very different&nbsp;and do not sound similar at all. There was a particular occasion when my colleague’s promotion&nbsp;announcement included a highlight reel of my own accomplishments. While I have great respect for my colleague, I still struggle to convey my own unique identity.&nbsp;I suspect race may be a factor in this situation. There’s this assumed&nbsp;parochialism that I use to help explain&nbsp;why I feel disconnected from other managers. If I’m honest with myself, I feel disadvantaged in having an unusual name. Is this a projection on my part? Is feeling disadvantaged or marginalized merely a copout from initiating and building strong relationships with team members?&nbsp;And is there anything I can do to avoid being confused with my colleague so often?Sincerely,Horacio*We asked Tali Lavarry, author of&nbsp;<a href="https://yourtokenblackcolleague.com/" dir="ltr">Confessions From Your Token Black Colleague&nbsp;</a>and president of Yum Yum Morale Workplace D.E.I. Strategies, to respond.Dear Horacio,If anyone can speak about this topic, it is certainly me. I was born in the southern region of the United States — Shreveport, Louisiana, to be exact. My mother named me Talisa. A few years ago, I decided that Tali would be more suitable when it came to seeking employment opportunities and assimilating with my majority white colleagues.At the time, it felt like the right thing to do. Today, I feel differently. While I sincerely like going by “Tali,” I now realize that making this change just to propel myself in a whitewashed culture wasn’t good for me, or any of us bearing names that are perceived as ethnic. Most people don’t realize how self-deprecating it is to feel like you have to deny parts of yourself in order to be deemed worthy. But pretending to be someone you are not diminishes any chance you have of truly feeling like you belong and, as you have probably discovered, it is taxing.I appreciate your initiative to propose this question. I believe that it is proof that we are growing and changing for the better. More and more of us are realizing the damage that comes with losing such an essential part of ourselves as a way to fit into cultures that were not designed for us to begin with.Creating this kind of dialogue is necessary if we are to pursue a more just and equitable world.Here is my advice.<h2>Recognize This For What It Is</h2>My answer to your first questions is no, you are not projecting or looking for a copout. Sadly, you are dealing with a situation that is common for many people of color.&nbsp;Any history book (and the news) will show you that white people are often comfortable overlooking and minimizing the value of minorities. There is an unspoken belief that people of color should be happy to be invited to sit at the table. This is true, too, in the work environment: Our white colleagues rarely go out of their way to make sure we are comfortable once seated.Despite it being illegal, people of color face all kinds of discrimination at work. (The U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission recently worked with a Black employee <a href="https://publicintegrity.org/inequality-poverty-opportunity/workers-rights/workplace-inequities/injustice-at-work/workplace-discrimination-cases/" dir="ltr">who was greeted by a noose</a> when he walked into his company’s break room.) But not every gesture is obvious. A <a href="https://hbr.org/2020/07/when-and-how-to-respond-to-microaggressions" dir="ltr">microaggression</a>, which it sounds like you are facing, is much more subtle. Failing to properly identify Black, brown, and other marginalized employees — again and again without concern — is a prime example of one.Getting a name wrong may be unintentional. In fact, most of the time, it’s probably not done with ill intent. That doesn’t make it any less irresponsible and unprofessional. It shows blatant disregard for a person’s identity and it sends a message that the culprit deems themselves superior to that person.Your dilemma seems to be two-fold. Mispronouncing your name is one thing. But continuously getting you mixed up with another colleague in the office is downright brazen. I must say that this notion that certain people all look alike is extremely annoying. Still, it continues to happen — a lot. Just last year,&nbsp;<a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2019/05/02/co-workers-keep-mixing-up-people-color-office-its-more-than-mistake/?arc404=true" dir="ltr">The Washington Post published a tweet</a> asking people of color about their experiences with being misidentified in predominantly white environments. More than 400 people replied with their stories.It’s important that you are aware of this reality. Stepping outside of your experience, viewing it in this larger context, and recognizing it as another result of systemic racism will make a world of difference in how you both feel about and approach the situation.<h2>Know That It’s Not About You </h2>We’ve already established that getting someone’s name wrong can feel like a sign of disrespect, but there’s a big chance that it is coming from a place of unconscious bias. You need to know this to protect your mental health. Harboring anger against your colleagues will not benefit you at all, neither will it aid the growth of the people doing you harm.Do your best to separate yourself from their behaviors. I know that this is easier said than done. But if you fail to create the distance you need to gain clarity, you put yourself in a dangerous position. The last thing you want to do is change yourself instead of confronting the actual problem.There is no amount of covering or code switching that will impress the people doing you harm. As daunting as it may sound, you must continue to remind yourself that this situation is not about you. There is nothing wrong with who you are, and you have nothing to be ashamed of.You mentioned that you “struggle to display your unique identity” at work, which causes me to believe that you are in an environment that doesn’t feel so inclusive to you. I also know that being your “authentic” self at work — especially as a person of color in corporate America — comes with risks. At the same time, I do believe you will feel better and work better once you determine and feel confident projecting your personal style.The first step to showing more of yourself is being honest with your colleagues about how their mistakes make you feel.<h2>Call Out Your Colleagues (Gently)</h2>While correcting someone in a position of power may make you feel like you are being overly assertive, remember that you are not. Our names are a huge part of our identities. We should all be willing to get the names of our colleagues right. There are a few ways you can (gently) call someone out.<h3>Ask Clarifying Questions</h3><div dir="ltr"> 
You can do this without sounding condescending. The next time someone calls you by the wrong name, offer a warm smile while saying something like, “Wait, did you just call me Sam by accident?” This lets the person know that you care about having your name sounded out correctly, and it gives them the opportunity to hopefully apologize and confirm the correct name or pronunciation. 
</div><h3>Offer A Correction</h3><div dir="ltr"> 
If you’re not comfortable calling someone out in the moment, practice in the mirror first, or role play with a friend, career coach, or therapist. 
</div>For instance, you might rehearse explaining your name in a memorable way: “My name is Horacio. The H is silent and being that I’m the finance lead, it probably won’t be hard to remember that I deal with equations or ratios,” or sounding it out for the other person, “My name is Talisa by the way. Just think Lisa with a Ta in front of it.”If you are called the name of your colleague again, try, “[Name] actually works in marketing and sits over by the kitchen. I’m not sure why you are getting us mixed up, but I want to be sure that you know that I am the one who sits here, by the window.”<h3>Do It In Writing</h3><div dir="ltr"> 
Include the phonetic spelling of your name when presenting it in writing. This can be done on written memos or in email signatures. 
</div><h3>Garner Support from Allies</h3><div dir="ltr"> 
These conversations can be emotionally draining, and the more support you have the better. Your allies are the people who can speak up for you and correct others when you are not around, or even in moments when you are, but may not be comfortable or have the energy to say something yourself. 
</div>Find peers or colleagues whom you trust, and casually explain the situation to them. Garnering the support of someone who has more stature than you will be especially helpful. Your well-tenured colleagues may have the power to advocate for you when speaking to leaders throughout the company, which could result in an even more impactful cultural change.Lastly, keep your eyes and ears peeled. You might be surprised by how many of your peers are experiencing similar microaggressions. I’ve personally found these kinds of situations easier to navigate when I’m doing so with people who can identify with what I’m going through.<h2>Directly Express Your Concerns&nbsp;</h2>If the above approaches don’t yield any results, it is time to be blunt in your delivery. You don’t have to physically express emotions like anger or sadness to show that you are upset, but you do have to clearly communicate how your colleauges’ mistakes make you feel.Simply say, “My name is Horacio, and I’d really appreciate you saying it correctly.” After you have said this, stop and allow them to respond. Hopefully this will open the door to a longer conversation and give the other person an opportunity to apologize and make a verbal commitment to saying your name correctly moving forward.<div>
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Dear Ascend,

How does one politely respond when being called by the wrong name? On many occasions, my boss’s boss has confused me with another colleague. Although we both have unusual names, our names are very different and do not sound similar at all. There was a particular occasion when my colleague’s promotion announcement included a highlight reel of my own accomplishments. While I have great respect for my colleague, I still struggle to convey my own unique identity.

I suspect race may be a factor in this situation. There’s this assumed parochialism that I use to help explain why I feel disconnected from other managers. If I’m honest with myself, I feel disadvantaged in having an unusual name. Is this a projection on my part? Is feeling disadvantaged or marginalized merely a copout from initiating and building strong relationships with team members?  And is there anything I can do to avoid being confused with my colleague so often?

Horacio *

We asked Tali Lavarry, author of <a dir="ltr" href="https://yourtokenblackcolleague.com/">Confessions From Your Token Black Colleague  </a>and president of Yum Yum Morale Workplace D.E.I. Strategies, to respond.

If anyone can speak about this topic, it is certainly me. I was born in the southern region of the United States — Shreveport, Louisiana, to be exact. My mother named me Talisa. A few years ago, I decided that Tali would be more suitable when it came to seeking employment opportunities and assimilating with my majority white colleagues.

At the time, it felt like the right thing to do. Today, I feel differently. While I sincerely like going by “Tali,” I now realize that making this change just to propel myself in a whitewashed culture wasn’t good for me, or any of us bearing names that are perceived as ethnic. Most people don’t realize how self-deprecating it is to feel like you have to deny parts of yourself in order to be deemed worthy. But pretending to be someone you are not diminishes any chance you have of truly feeling like you belong and, as you have probably discovered, it is taxing.

I appreciate your initiative to propose this question. I believe that it is proof that we are growing and changing for the better. More and more of us are realizing the damage that comes with losing such an essential part of ourselves as a way to fit into cultures that were not designed for us to begin with.

Creating this kind of dialogue is necessary if we are to pursue a more just and equitable world.

My answer to your first questions is no, you are not projecting or looking for a copout. Sadly, you are dealing with a situation that is common for many people of color. Any history book (and the news) will show you that white people are often comfortable overlooking and minimizing the value of minorities. There is an unspoken belief that people of color should be happy to be invited to sit at the table. This is true, too, in the work environment: Our white colleagues rarely go out of their way to make sure we are comfortable once seated.

Despite it being illegal, people of color face all kinds of discrimination at work. (The U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission recently worked with a Black employee <a dir="ltr" href="https://publicintegrity.org/inequality-poverty-opportunity/workers-rights/workplace-inequities/injustice-at-work/workplace-discrimination-cases/">who was greeted by a noose </a>when he walked into his company’s break room.) But not every gesture is obvious. A <a dir="ltr" href="https://hbr.org/2020/07/when-and-how-to-respond-to-microaggressions">microaggression </a>, which it sounds like you are facing, is much more subtle. Failing to properly identify Black, brown, and other marginalized employees — again and again without concern — is a prime example of one.

Getting a name wrong may be unintentional. In fact, most of the time, it’s probably not done with ill intent. That doesn’t make it any less irresponsible and unprofessional. It shows blatant disregard for a person’s identity and it sends a message that the culprit deems themselves superior to that person.

Your dilemma seems to be two-fold. Mispronouncing your name is one thing. But continuously getting you mixed up with another colleague in the office is downright brazen. I must say that this notion that certain people all look alike is extremely annoying. Still, it continues to happen — a lot. Just last year, <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2019/05/02/co-workers-keep-mixing-up-people-color-office-its-more-than-mistake/?arc404=true">The Washington Post published a tweet </a>asking people of color about their experiences with being misidentified in predominantly white environments. More than 400 people replied with their stories.

It’s important that you are aware of this reality. Stepping outside of your experience, viewing it in this larger context, and recognizing it as another result of systemic racism will make a world of difference in how you both feel about and approach the situation.

We’ve already established that getting someone’s name wrong can feel like a sign of disrespect, but there’s a big chance that it is coming from a place of unconscious bias. You need to know this to protect your mental health. Harboring anger against your colleagues will not benefit you at all, neither will it aid the growth of the people doing you harm.

Do your best to separate yourself from their behaviors. I know that this is easier said than done. But if you fail to create the distance you need to gain clarity, you put yourself in a dangerous position. The last thing you want to do is change yourself instead of confronting the actual problem.

There is no amount of covering or code switching that will impress the people doing you harm. As daunting as it may sound, you must continue to remind yourself that this situation is not about you. There is nothing wrong with who you are, and you have nothing to be ashamed of.

You mentioned that you “struggle to display your unique identity” at work, which causes me to believe that you are in an environment that doesn’t feel so inclusive to you. I also know that being your “authentic” self at work — especially as a person of color in corporate America — comes with risks. At the same time, I do believe you will feel better and work better once you determine and feel confident projecting your personal style.

The first step to showing more of yourself is being honest with your colleagues about how their mistakes make you feel.

While correcting someone in a position of power may make you feel like you are being overly assertive, remember that you are not. Our names are a huge part of our identities. We should all be willing to get the names of our colleagues right. There are a few ways you can (gently) call someone out.

You can do this without sounding condescending. The next time someone calls you by the wrong name, offer a warm smile while saying something like, “Wait, did you just call me Sam by accident?” This lets the person know that you care about having your name sounded out correctly, and it gives them the opportunity to hopefully apologize and confirm the correct name or pronunciation.

If you’re not comfortable calling someone out in the moment, practice in the mirror first, or role play with a friend, career coach, or therapist.

For instance, you might rehearse explaining your name in a memorable way: “My name is Horacio. The H is silent and being that I’m the finance lead, it probably won’t be hard to remember that I deal with equations or ratios,” or sounding it out for the other person, “My name is Talisa by the way. Just think Lisa with a Ta in front of it.”

If you are called the name of your colleague again, try, “[Name] actually works in marketing and sits over by the kitchen. I’m not sure why you are getting us mixed up, but I want to be sure that you know that I am the one who sits here, by the window.”

Include the phonetic spelling of your name when presenting it in writing. This can be done on written memos or in email signatures.

These conversations can be emotionally draining, and the more support you have the better. Your allies are the people who can speak up for you and correct others when you are not around, or even in moments when you are, but may not be comfortable or have the energy to say something yourself.

Find peers or colleagues whom you trust, and casually explain the situation to them. Garnering the support of someone who has more stature than you will be especially helpful. Your well-tenured colleagues may have the power to advocate for you when speaking to leaders throughout the company, which could result in an even more impactful cultural change.

Lastly, keep your eyes and ears peeled. You might be surprised by how many of your peers are experiencing similar microaggressions. I’ve personally found these kinds of situations easier to navigate when I’m doing so with people who can identify with what I’m going through.

If the above approaches don’t yield any results, it is time to be blunt in your delivery. You don’t have to physically express emotions like anger or sadness to show that you are upset, but you do have to clearly communicate how your colleauges’ mistakes make you feel.

Simply say, “My name is Horacio, and I’d really appreciate you saying it correctly.” After you have said this, stop and allow them to respond. Hopefully this will open the door to a longer conversation and give the other person an opportunity to apologize and make a verbal commitment to saying your name correctly moving forward.

Ask an Expert: My Colleagues Can’t Get My Name Right

Getting your name wrong

Strategies when someone repeatedly mess up your name

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