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Asking for what we need at work
As important and valuable as it is to build our internal and external networks, create goodwill with colleagues and managers, and be seen as credible, reliable, and a team players, we need to start making requests in our careers earlier than we think.
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Apply the "magic ratio" of healthy relationships
According to relationship researcher John Gottman, healthy, stable relationships have a “magic ratio” of 5 to 1. This means that for every negative feeling or interaction between people in a relationship, there must be five positive feelings or interactions.
Rather than spending time ruminating over whether you should ask someone to do something for you when you don’t know them well enough, use that time to increase your positive interactions with them.
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Make requests, not demands
Be direct, be willing to ask, and be able to move on if the answer is no.
Show consideration for the other person's needs, values, and interests, and give them an out if they don't accept your request.
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Get curious about what “no” means so you can get to a yes
A "no" could mean a combination of the following"
- No, not now. (When would be a better time?)
- No, not at that amount. (What amount would work?)
- No, not to this cause. (What causes do you care about?)
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Cultivate a positive affect
- Approach others with visible joy instead of frustration or anger.
- Make a request from a position of comfort rather than a sense of desperation.
- When you are cheerful, you are more likely to brighten someone else's day.
- Keep the best case scenario n mind: the person you are reaching out to says they can't help you.
- Use your positive attitude to bounce back.
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IDEAS CURATED BY
Karen Burns's ideas are part of this journey:
Learn more about career with this collection
How to practice self-compassion
How to identify and challenge negative self-talk
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