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How to be a good listener
How to overcome social anxiety
A good apology
- A good apology is an opportunity for us to take clear and direct responsibility for our wrongdoing
- We shouldn’t blame, evade, make excuses or bring up the past.
- A good apology brims with accountability, meets the moment, and can transform our relationships.
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No ifs or buts
- A sincere apology does not include caveats or qualifiers.
- 'But' almost always signifies a rationalisation, a criticism, or an excuse
- It doesn't matter if what you say after the 'but' is...
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680 reads
Good apology or No apology
- Most of us haven't been taught how to apologise
- Our efforts tend to be harmful: vague, intrusive, demanding, or full of warnings that can leave the recipient of an apology feeling even worse.
- When the apology is absent or it's a bad apology, it puts a cra...
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Be real.
- Show genuine sorrow and remorse.
- It feels vulnerable to not be in control of the outcome, but it is also courageous.
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Drop your defences
- We listen for what we don't agree with, so we can defend ourselves and correct the facts.
- Keep an open mind and listen with an explicit intention to understand the other person.
- Try to wrap your brain around the essence of what ...
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742 reads
Remember: A good apology is a beginning, not an end.
- An apology isn't the only chance you ever get to address the underlying issue. The apology is the chance you get to establish the ground for future communication.
- An apology creates an opening. When done with attention
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557 reads
Stay Focused
- Your attention when apologizing should be on the impact of your words or deeds, not on your intention.
- Zero in on the situation at hand and stay attuned to the needs of the person who is hurting.
- It's not the two words 'I'm ...
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483 reads
Less is more
- Keep your apology short and mind the histrionics.
- Over-apologising is not only irritating — it disrupts the flow of the conversation and shifts the focus away from the person who needs to be attended to
- You've h...
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603 reads
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How to Make a Good Apology
A high-quality apology has three elements:
- It accepts responsibility for the wrong and doesn’t even hint that outside forces, or the victim, caused the offender to do what they did.
- It’s unqualified. If the apology contains a “but,” it fails. There’s...
During Our Apology
- Take responsibility instead of making excuses or being defensive, or worse, accusing the other person subtly.
- When words touch an emotional wound, we don’t need to delve deep and try to clear our name. Feelings are different from facts, and we can forget about an objective discussi...
Find a good social environment
The community we live in helps us bring balance. We don’t all grow our own food, make our own shelter, and provide our own entertainment. We have to keep three things in mind.
- We need respect. Some roles in life make us feel valued and worthy but give little comfort....
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