Identify root causes

Self-destructive habits are often rooted in our feelings of self-worth.

Work on identifying and acknowledging what is causing you to sabotage yourself, and then start making changes to stop those behaviors.

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Problem Solving

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Self-sabotage
Self-sabotage occurs when your logical, conscious mind (the side of you that says you need to eat healthily and save money) is at odds with your subconscious mind (the side of you that stress-eats chocolate and goes on online shopping binges).

Self-sabotage involves behaviors or thoughts that keep you away from what you desire most in life. It’s that internal sentiment gnawing at us, saying “you can’t do this.”

Self-destructive behaviors can become habits and can continually undermine your success and happiness.

Self-sabotage is when we want something, but somehow we never accomplish it, because somewhere deep in our subconscious we’re fighting against that goal:

  • Our disorganization distracts us.
  • We’re constantly overthinking all of our decisions.
  • Procrastination. Start setting deadlines and mini-deadlines to work toward your objective.
  • Negative self-talk/negative thinking. Be patient with yourself; be kind to yourself. Work to build yourself up.
  • Perfectionism. It is an impossible standard that keeps you from moving forward.

The most successful people are those who take the time to think through their choices, decisions and actions. 

Successful people learn from what worked or failed to work. They then adjust their course of action by taking a different approach.

Put aside those harsh inner voices of "I can’t" or "I’m a failure."

That negative internal dialogue is a pattern of self-limiting thoughts. Start replacing that critical inner voice with positive, encouraging thoughts.

In every moment, we’re taking action that either moves us toward or away from the person we want to be and the life we want to have.

Consider how the actions you’re taking and the thoughts you’re thinking conflict with your happiness and hold you back from your true potential. Then look for ways to replace old patterns with new ones that are more helpful in achieving your goals.

Once you’ve identified the changes you want to make, pick just one thing that you want to work on.

If you’re disorganized or constantly getting off track from what you should be doing, take five minutes every morning to tidy your desk and write a to-do list.

By having firm, thoughtful plans for each step we take, we will feel more confident about our intentions and what we’re doing. You can do this on a daily level -- thinking through how you’ll respond to situations, people and circumstances.

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RELATED IDEAS

Take an opposing view

It will force you to question your assumptions.

Your "default" beliefs and worldview are not always reasonable; it’s healthy to “argue against yourself” and see how your views hold up.

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IDEAS

Self-sabotage can appear in our lives under many shapes:

  • procrastination: putting off what we should be doing now
  • substance abuse: consuming alcohol and drug often leads to us not reaching our goals
  • chronic lateness: this will usually result in you being perceived as a not so trustworthy person
  • stress eating: we all know the end of this one- poor diet or even illness
  • intimacy and commitment issues: the negative consequence refers to you ending up alone.
  • Notice self-judgments.
  • Shift your definition of your worth, from outcomes to effort. Decide that you will define your worth by the loving actions you take for yourself and others.
  • Consciously see mistakes and failure as stepping stones to success, rather than as definitions of your worth. 
  • Learn to be kind and compassionate toward your own feelings
  • Make a decision that you are willing to lose another person rather than lose yourself. 

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