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10 Genuine Ways Anyone Can Be Exceptionally Charming
Remember names
Charming people remember names and even small details, often to a surprising degree.
The fact they remember instantly makes us feel a little prouder and a little better about ourselves. And that makes us feel better about them.
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Key Ideas
Show genuine interest
Maintain eye contact. Smile when the other person smiles. Frown when they frown.
In simple, nonverbal ways, mimic the other's person's behavior--not slavishly, but because you're focused on what they're saying.
That feedback loop helps two people bond--and the ability to bond is the essence of charm.
Show a little vulnerability
Charming people are confident enough to be unafraid to show a little vulnerability. They're even willing to admit a weakness or a failure.
They know that while some people may be, at least temporarily, impressed by what's artificial, everyone sincerely likes and appreciates the genuine.
Search for agreement instead of contradiction
Charming people don't actively (or unknowingly) look to disagree; they look for points of agreement.
Then, if it's appropriate, they gently share a different point of view, and in that way, help create an outstanding conversation.
The power of touch
Touch can influence behavior, increase the chances of compliance and make the person doing the touching seem more attractive and friendly.
Say you're congratulating someone; shaking hands or (possibly better yet, depending on the situation) patting them gently on the shoulder or upper arm can help reinforce the sincerity of your words.
Admitting mistakes
Charming people don't mind serving as a cautionary tale. They don't mind being a source of laughter, for others and for themselves.
And they're also not afraid to look a little silly. When you own your foibles, people don't laugh at you. They laugh with you. And they realize it's OK to let down their own guards and meet you at a genuine level.
Masters of social jiu-jitsu
Charming people ask sincere questions that make it easy to answer in a thoughtful, introspective way. They make you think, in a good way, about yourself, and in the process make you feel charming too.
You feel like the most interesting man (or woman) in the world. And you like them for making you feel that way.
The waiter test
If you really want to know how an individual treats people, take him to lunch. How he interacts with the waiter is a much better indication of his interpersonal skills than how he interacts with you.
Charming people treat everyone the same way: as deserving of respect and kindness.
Remember names
Charming people remember names and even small details, often to a surprising degree.
The fact they remember instantly makes us feel a little prouder and a little better about ourselves. And that makes us feel better about them.
Never name drop
Charming people may know cool people, but they don't talk about it. And that only adds to their charm.
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Be Yourself And Be Ready For Rejection
Having charm is not about deceiving others. Keep strong negative feelings to yourself, do your best to reveal who you are and if you disagree with something, do so nicely.
No ma...
Be Swift and Sweet
Keep the conversation moving at a comfortable but somewhat brisk pace. Don’t cut the conversation short if things are going well, but also avoid hitting uncomfortable lulls. So when the pace starts to die down, it's time to make an exit.
On your way out make sure that the other remembers you.
A Simple Touch Can Go A Long Way
Touch is a physical way of indicating acceptance and if properly timed it can be very charming.
There's nothing wrong with a handshake when you introduce yourself, but beyond that, don't abuse touch. Stick to safe zones like the outside of the arm and upper back, and when in doubt, just stick to those handshakes.
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Loves to Talk About Oneself
A pathological narcissist loves to talk about himself, often in exaggerated and grandiose terms.
Common conversational topics for narcissists include accomplishments and achievem...
Charming with a Catch
Many narcissists can come across as alluring and attractive, especially during the initial stages of a relationship.
While there’s nothing wrong inherently with being charming and romantic, the narcissist crafts these traits in order to use others. He or she is not really interested in you, but only in what he wants to extract from you.
Lack of Reliability and Follow Through
Many narcissists lack reliability and follow through. This can range from regularly breaking appointments, to habitually falling through on promises and agreements.
When you observe a pattern of inconsistency between what your partner says, versus what she or he actually does, you may be dealing with a narcissist.
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You focus more on what's wrong
... rather than what's right.
You can focus on what a lazy, forgetful, good-for-nothing partner you have or you can see them as a wonderful and loving partne...
You'd rather be right
... than in love. Even though it may seem justified when your partner falls short or makes a mistake, choosing a righteous response will only damage trust and create lingering resentment.
Give your partner the benefit of the doubt. It builds up appreciation, good will and a desire to do even better to please you next time.
Don't make it about you
- Acknowledge that your partner has needs that also deserve to be met. Do your best to be the one who can help them meet their needs better than anyone else.
- When you take things personally and get your feelings hurt too easily, it closes off communication, makes problem-solving nearly impossible and leaves you both at risk. Look for the common ground instead of the insult.
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