The Scorekeeper

• They pretend to be innocent, ignorant, or confused when they did something awful. This tactic is to make you question your judgment.
• They don't give a straight answer to a straight question, but evade the question or change the subject when cornered.
• They lie by omission or distortion by deliberately being vague.
• They may either respond with charm and flattery, of will suddenly be angry.
• They'll play the victim and make themselves out to be the one in distress.
• They rationalize by giving a plausible excuse for engaging in inappropriate behavior, or they will downplay their behavior.
• Covert aggressives don't feel bad, but they know you do. They will send you on a guilt trip so you will lighten your accusations.

• Let go of the pretense that if you play nice, they will play nice.
• Know your vulnerabilities and focus on the one thing that really needs to change: yourself. You can only control what you do.
• Set some boundaries for yourself. Be prepared for the consequences and set a support system.
• Memorize the list of tactics used by an aggressive person. Then it is easier to recognize the attack.
• If you're willing to accept an excuse, know that they will fling excuses at you until one stick.
• Stay calm and polite, and avoid sarcasm, hostility, or threats.
• Without being rude, be specific about what you expect or want from the other person. Aggressives will only participate if they can get something out of it. If they have to lose, they'll make sure you go down too. Ensure you propose win-win solutions

• The ‘foot-in-the-door’ technique consists of making a small and reasonable request, which then leads into a larger request. The initial appeal we supposed to make you feel more comfortable and invested in cooperating.
• The ‘door-in-the-face’ technique consists of making a big request, having it rejected, then making a smaller one. Following the larger request, the smaller appeal seems reasonable comparatively.

When a psychological manipulator insists on violating your boundaries, and won’t take “no” for an answer, deploy consequence.

Effectively articulated, consequence gives pause to the manipulative individual, and compels her or him to shift from violation to respect.

Diplomatically but firmly. A well articulated “no” allows you to stand your ground while maintaining a workable relationship. 

It’s when media uses its reach and persuasion power to make people do or think things they otherwise would not. This often comes in the form of exaggeration, distortion, fabrication and simplification.

Media manipulation exploits the difference between perception and reality using the still remaining trust for truthful content it once had. But the current fast and hyper-competitive nature of the media business driven by clicks and often guided by untrained bloggers or malicious sources contributes to the spread of misinformation even among the mainstream media.

People think they avoid intimacy as they are scared of becoming closer to other people, and in essence, avoiding showing their true selves to others. They are in effect hiding their true nature and personality from others.

People have to masquerade as someone they are not in order to get what they want and build trust among others, which may not be possible if they show their true selves beforehand.

• Instead of hiding their true intent, Open Manipulators directly demand something which is unconventional or wrong, making their selfishness apparent, and openly disregarding the feelings of the other person, while appearing honest and transparent in the process.
• Open Manipulators have a fundamental objective which is a selfish need even if it destroys the victim. They speak the truth to the victim but are not honest about their fundamental objective, and the background conditions that only they know. They do not care about the victim’s emotions or well-being and use them simply as a tool to use and discard.
• When fear, instead of love is used to coerce a victim into doing something they don’t want to do, it is the opposite of intimacy.

The two most common types of manipulators are bullies and “victims”.

Bullies make you feel fearful and might use aggression, threats and intimidation to control you, while “victims” engenders a feeling of guilt in their target by acting hurt when denied something.

The term refers to manipulation that gets people to question themselves, their reality, memory or thoughts. Gaslighters twist what you say and make it about them, hijacking the conversation or making you feel like you’ve done something wrong when you haven’t.

Gaslighted people often feel a false sense of guilt or defensiveness, as if they failed completely or did something wrong when they didn’t.

The "I know I have to" beginnings are a bit more challenging to handle than the desired ones. This is mainly because we do the changes as we need to instead of actually wanting them.

These situations require courage, determination as well as building up a plan in steps about how to accomplish the change that needs to finally happen.

This is the " Please don't make me do this" type of change.

Change can come both from inside and outside oneself. However, when somebody or something forces a change upon us, we tend to perceive the experience as being painful. Moreover, if we are prone to depression, it can actually put our health at risk. The best two ways to cope with this kind of situation is by either seeking professional help or starting to plan our recovery.

Forgive. Research indicates that forgiveness makes you less angry and more healthy.

• Words of affirmation: Expressing affection through spoken affection, praise or appreciation.
• Acts of service: Actions, rather than words, are used to show and receive love.
• Receiving gifts: Gifting is symbolic of love and affection.
• Quality time: Expressing affection with undivided, undistracted attention.
• Physical touch: It can range from having sex to holding hands. With this love language, the speaker feels affection through physical touch.

The concept of love languages helps pretty much any relationship - it’s useful to understand what matters to people.

It all comes down to knowing what’s important to people so you can understand, empathize and work with them a little better. 

We all have different life experiences; we come from different backgrounds. It makes sense that we communicate differently, too.

Manipulation is wrong because it involves immoral techniques. It means treating the other as mere objects and not as a rational being.

Influence is manipulative depending on how it is being used.

If the manipulator attempts to get someone to adopt what the manipulator himself regards as wrong, it resembles lying. The liar tries to get you to choose a false belief or to make a mistake in what he thinks, feels, doubts or pays attention to.