deepstash
Beta
How to Disagree with Someone More Powerful than You
Identify a shared goal
Before you share your thoughts, think about what the powerful person cares about. You’re more likely to be heard if you can connect your disagreement to a “higher purpose.”
State it overtly then, contextualizing your statements so that you’re seen not as a disagreeable underling but as a colleague who’s trying to advance a shared goal.
302 SAVES
This is a professional note extracted from an online article.
Read more efficiently
Save what inspires you
Remember anything
IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:
9
Key Ideas
Be realistic about the risks
Our natural bias is to start by imagining all the things that will go horribly wrong if we disagree with someone more powerful. Yes, your counterpart might be a little upset at first, but most likely you are not going to get fired or make a lifelong enemy.
Consider the risks of not speaking up first, then realistically weigh those against the potential consequences of taking action.
Decide whether to wait
You may decide to hold off voicing your opinion if you want to gather your army first. People can contribute experience or information to your thinking — all the things that would make the disagreement stronger or more valid.
Also, delay the conversation if you’re in a meeting or other public space. Discussing the issue in private will make the powerful person feel less threatened.
Identify a shared goal
Before you share your thoughts, think about what the powerful person cares about. You’re more likely to be heard if you can connect your disagreement to a “higher purpose.”
State it overtly then, contextualizing your statements so that you’re seen not as a disagreeable underling but as a colleague who’s trying to advance a shared goal.
Ask permission to disagree
It’s a smart way to give the powerful person “psychological safety” and control.
You can say: “ I have reasons to think that won’t work. I’d like to lay out my reasoning. Would that be OK?” This gives the person a choice, allowing them to verbally opt in.
Stay calm
When your body language communicates reluctance or anxiety, it undercuts the message.
Simply slowing the pace and talking in an even tone helps calm the other person down and does the same for you. It also makes you seem confident, even if you aren’t.
Validate the original point
Articulate the other person’s point of view.
Stating it clearly, possibly even better than your counterpart did, lays a strong foundation for the discussion. You want your counterpart to say: "She/He understands."
Don’t make judgments
When you move on to expressing your concerns, watch your language carefully. Avoid any judgment words that might set off your counterpart. Share only facts.
Stay humble
Emphasize that you’re offering your opinion, not gospel truth. Remind the person that this is your point of view, and then invite critique. This will leave room for dialogue.
Principles to Remember
Do:
- Explain that you have a different opinion and ask if you can voice it.
- Restate the original point of view or decision so it’s clear you understand it.
- Speak slowly — talking in an even tone calms you and the other person down.
Don’t:
- State your opinions as facts; simply express your point of view and be open to dialogue.
- Use judgment words, such as “hasty,” “foolish,” or “wrong,” that might upset or incite your counterpart.
SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
8
Key Ideas
Disagreement is healthy
It is essential for success. It’s the hallmark of an engaged and involved team member. And it opens the way for testing and improving new ideas.
It should also be treated as a chance t...
The art of disagreement
Mastering the art of considerate disagreement means expressing your beliefs without shutting down the discussion or angering the other side.
For this to happen, you have to listen more, be willing to change your perspective on disagreement and learn to better your arguments.
Ed Catmull
5 more ideas
1
Key Idea
Paul Graham's disagreement hierarchy
- DH0. Name-calling: the lowest level of argument.
- DH1. Ad hominem: attackung the person rather than the point they are making.
- DH2...
3
Key Ideas
Challenges To Listening
- We have many things screaming for our attention every minute of the day and we often trick ourselves into believing they’re more important than a conversation unfolding right in front o...
The Importance Of Proper Listening
With proper listening you’ll have a crystal clear understanding of the conversation and demonstrate to speakers that you’re invested in what they have to say.
Being a good listener is one of the most potent things you can do to increase your influence and likeability. It is also one of the top skills employers seek in potential and current employees, and it’s correlated with perceived ability to lead.
How To Be A Better Listener
- Push other activities from your mind, and be present in the discussion. This tells the other person that you’re ready for the conversation.
- Keep a neutral expression that simply says, “I’m listening.” We tend to physically react to what we hear and it disrupts our ability to listen and the other person’s ability to be heard.
- Offer uninterrupted speaking time. Well-intended or not, interruptions makes effective communication impossible.
- Repeat back succinctly and ask validating questions to make sure you heard the speaker correctly.
3
Key Ideas
Arguing for our opinions
The problem with the statement “I’m entitled to my opinion” is that it's used to protect beliefs that should've been given up. It is a damaging element of public discourse for som...
Opinion and specific knowledge
There is a difference between opinion or common belief and specific knowledge.
Opinion has a level of subjectivity and uncertainty. It varies according to someone's tastes or preferences. (You like chocolate more than ice-cream.) It is pointless to argue about this kind of opinion.
“Entitled” to an opinion
If 'entitled to have your opinion' means everyone has the right to say what they want, the statement is true, but not necessarily important.
If 'entitled to have your opinion' means your statements are serious candidates for truth, then it's false. And this too is a distinction that tends to get blurred.
6
Key Ideas
Boss-mode vs worker-mode
Knowledge workers usually have to play 2 roles at the same time - the boss and the worker: They have to choose what their work is (boss-mode) and they have to do the actu...
Limited attention
Your attention is a limited resource and you have to be careful where you are spending it.
If you choose to give away 80 percent of your attention to meetings, you will have 20 percent of your attention just for dealing with a few emails feeling overwhelmed.
Levels of attention
- Proactive attention: you are fully focused and prepared for your most important decisions/ most complex tasks.
- Active attention: you're plugged in, but also easily distracted.
- Inactive attention: you're likely to really struggle with complex or difficult tasks.
3 more ideas
10
Key Ideas
Why Interviewers Ask It
This introductory question serves as an icebreaker to lend an easy flow to the conversation. It helps the recruiter to get to know you in terms of hard and soft skills.
It’s a great op...
How to build your response
- Present: Talk a little bit about what your current role is, the scope of it, and possibly a recent achievement.
- Past: Tell the interviewer how you got there and/or mention a past experience that’s relevant to the job and company you’re applying for.
- Future: Continue with what you’re looking to do next and why you’re interested in this job.
Tailor Your Answer
Interviewers want to know how your answer about yourself is relevant to the position and company you’re applying for.
This is an opportunity to articulate why you’re interested and how your objective fulfills their goals. In order to do that, spend some time researching the company. If your answers resonate with them, it shows that you really understand the role.
7 more ideas
8
Key Ideas
Negative Feedback
Why are people scared of Feedback
Normally people react with caution and fear towards negative feedback, but it is much better than no feedback at all.
Informing the colleague/subordinate/client/customer or individual about something that is not working, is always beneficial, and builds transparency and trust.
Check how it impacts the person
The fundamental goal of giving feedback is to help the person you’re giving it to. They should realize that you are not trying to make them feel bad, and this is an exercise to help make them better.
How it impacts each individual is going to be different so a tailor-made approach is required.
5 more ideas
8
Key Ideas
A Team Needs Conflict
Overly nice people in the office, who never pick a fight, and value friendly relations with their peers and bosses, may be just as responsible for team dysfunction as the combative ones.
Conf...
Benefits Of Conflict
There is a need for conflict in teams for their effective functioning.
- It allows team members to see difficult situations.
- It helps put forward alternative solutions and diverse perspectives.
- It acts as a strength test for the solutions found.
Healthy Conflicts
A nice person's self-image is based on pleasing and agreeing with others.
Instead of just agreeing and being nice, one should add unique value and perspective.
If you only agree with everyone, you may even not be that valuable to the team.
5 more ideas
6
Key Ideas
Emotions During a Difficult Conversation
It’s hard not to get worked up emotionally when you’re in a tense conversation: a disagreement can feel like a threat.
But if your body goes into “fight or flight” mode, ...
Breathe
When you start noticing yourself getting tense, try to focus on breathing (on feeling the air coming in and out of your lungs).
This will take your attention off the physical signs of panic and keep you centered.
Focus on your body
Sitting still when you’re having a difficult conversation can make the emotions build up rather than dissipate.
Standing up and walking around helps to activate the thinking part of your brain.
3 more ideas